Here's my two cents about the mp3 thing. I think record labels and all that are way overreacting. It sucked when Napster went to shit and it's replacements are that good eaither. Audio Galaxy is probably the best now and I can still get most of what I want, but it's harder now. I don't like hard work.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that on quite a few occasions I have heard a song by an artist I like, downloaded a few other of his or her songs, even a whole album, liked it, and then ordered the actual CD. It was only because I was able to download it for free that I then paid for it. Just based on one song, I wouldn't go out and buy someone's CD, no matter how much I liked that one song. Now, I know that I'm not talking about your type of music, for the most of you, but consider the Top 40 or whatever. A CD comes out by a new artist and the the radio plays one song from that album over and over again until it makes you want to scratch your eyes out. If I have to hear it that many times, I won't buy the CD just for spite. Example: Creed - With Arms Wide Open. I don't know how many times I heard that song, but I can't stand it now. I liked it when it first came out. But hearing it 3 times every hour on the radio RUINED it and I wouldn't buy the CD because I NEVER want to hear the song again. Anyway, what I'm saying is if I hear a song and before it can be ruined for me by the radio, I can download more songs by that artist from the album, I am MORE LIKELY to purchase the CD.

Probably most people don't operate this way. The more they get for free, the more they want to pay for something. No, maybe it does't make sense. BUT, I know I'm not the only one who does this. Plus, there is a lot of crap mp3s out there -- pops, skips, scratches, whatever. For $10 or $15, it's nice to have a quality reliable recording. I don't so much care about the cover art or whatever.

Yeah, so as far as I'm concerned, mp3s do not hurt the artist. For the people that steal, there are people like me that buy BECAUSE of the mp3s.

Also, it's interesting because artist's reaction to this whole thing has also influenced my buying habits. Metallica, for example, had one of the biggest problems with Napster. I'll never buy another Metallica album. Courtney Love promoted Napster. If I liked Courtney Love, I'd buy her stuff. There are others, those are just a few examples.

1212 Out.

I fucking hate my writing professor. I had a conference with him at 9:30 this morning. On a normal Tuesday, I don't have to be on campus until 1:00. It was aggrivating enough that I had to get up so much earlier and go to campus just for a stupid meeting that can absolutely be done over the phone or through email. Whatever, he's an old fuck, so I went to the stupid meeting -- clear across campus. The bus was 13 minutes late. They run every 15 minutes. It's fucking useless beyond belief for the bus to be 13 minutes late. Whatever, I still made it with time to spare. I get up to his office and the old fuck is out sick. I made a trip to campus for nothing. I could have been in bed still nice and asleep. He fucking has an email list, is it so much to ask to email people so they don't waste their time? Just a little email to say "Hi, I'm an old fuck and sick AGAIN. I'm not going to be there, so don't waste your time coming to campus just to see my ugly face." He could give the list to one of the math department secretaries and ask her to write an email. Something, anything, so I don't waste my time. But no, he's an inconsiderate old bastard. When I'm going to miss the meeting, I have the decency to call him and it isn't even an inconvenience to him if I don't show. He'd have been sitting in his office anyhow. I wasted an hour of my time going back and forth to his fucking office for NOTHING! Old fucking bastard. I hate everyone, especially Fogarty. Bah!

1212 out.

I don't like it when I'm invited to go some place, thinking I'll have a normal evening and then everyone else but me shows up high. Have you ever been around a bunch of drunks when you weren't drinking? Maybe it's funny in the beginning, but then it gets old. I mean, I can deal with it if I know that's what's going to happen, but if it's a surprise, yes, it makes me mad. Like I said, it's like being with people that are drunk when you expected to just spend a nice normal night with them. Sometimes, I'll deal with it, but sometimes I'd rather just stay home and wait til they sober up and see them tomorrow. That's why I would just like to know. Maybe I'm a bitch, I don't care.

Anyway, I went to see Monsters, Inc. last night with Wilson. Pappy was supposed to go, but he's ridiculous and won't ride in my car and he never ended up showing up. Oh well. It was a good movie. I really liked it a lot. I think I liked it better than Shrek. There was a short little thing before the movie started and it was pretty cute. I'm a fan of Pixar movies. What else have they done? Toy Story 1 and 2, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc. Am I forgetting anything? Those were all great movies.

I probably seemed mad when I went to pick up Wilson. Maybe I was. Maybe I wanted to go to the 9:00 show like I had been planning all night. Maybe I didn't like the prospect of hanging out with a bunch of high kids who can't take anything seriously when all I'd be able to think about is all the crap that I have to get done. Maybe I think it's ridiculous and quite insulting that Pappy won't ride with me, that he'd rather take his own car. Sorry if I put a damper on your mood though.

Here's a funny thing about stupid people. We are them too. I'm sure that some video store guy, or some librarian, or some gas station attendant, or someone has a story about a stupid person and it's about you. We've all done stupid things, and I'm sure we've all done thing stupid enough for other people to remember and make a story out of it. Hopefully, there aren't too many stories about any one of us out there.

I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I need a break from this place, from this work, from this food. I need to see my family again, get a home cooked feast, it'll be great. I think it's pretty shitty that our lovely institute of higher learning sees no need to give us Wednesday off. Thanksgiving break starts at 6:00 pm on Wednesday, meaning if you do have classes unless your professor is sane, realizes no one is going to come anyway, and cancels them. Bah, I'm not looking forward to going to classes on Wednesday, but I am oh so looking forward to going home.

I'm also really looking forward to Christmas this year. I have a few things in mind for Wilson's gift and I really think he's going to like them. I can't wait for that warm and fuzzy feeling give someone a gift that they really wanted and that they really like and you can see the excitement all over their face. Know what I mean? I just wish I had the money to buy all the things that I am going to buy anyway. I hate being in so much debt like this -- especially since there is no reason for it. I mean, I don't have school loans or anything like that. I have thousand of dollars in credit card debt and nothing to show for it. Oh well, that's life. It will all work out I'm sure.

Happy Thanksgiving all.

1212 Out.

In my video store at home, they have the pretty cardboard box in the plastic case, so you pick up the whole thing and bring it to the counter. In the video place we had a while back, the pretty cases were on shelves and each had a number. You see the movie you want, you remember the number and then go to a big board that had all these number tags. If the tag with the number you want is there, your movie is in, grab the tag and take it to the video "bitch". If not, go back and look again. That's my two cents.

It's funny to hear you all talk about Boston. I don't know why really, but it just amuses me. I've never really been too fond of the place. I mean, it's loud and dirty and too busy and I never feel like I know where I am going or what I am doing. I don't know.

Anyway, about living in Boston, I'm applying for a job this summer in Boston. It's like a camp type deal for 6 weeks. If I understand correctly, they'll pay for my housing and maybe even my food and such AND I get a stipend of something like $3,000. Seems like a good deal to me. I don't know if I really want to live in Boston, but maybe I'll like it. Anyhow, wish me luck!

Spo, do get yourself feeling better. Being sick is no good.

Caniprokis, how come you left so early? I thought you'd be around on Saturday?

Oh, and a quick note. Pappy, when I'm at your house and I say that I am tired and that I want to leave, it is because I am tired. It's not because I am bored or not being entertained. You could have a male stripper there dancing for me and I'd still be tired and want to go to bed. So please, don't take it personally. All it is really is that on Fridays I am up at the ass crack of dawn (like 7:30) and by the time 1:00 am rolls around, I'm REALLY tired. I wish that I wasn't. I wish I could spend more time with you all. So, yeah, hope that explains a bit.

Now I'm going to go back to studying for the geometry exam I have Tuesday. Wish me luck because I think it's going to wipe the floor with me, kick my ass, beat me down. I'm going to fail. I'm going to get crushed! I hate exams sometimes.

1212 Out.

So I had two exams last week. I don't know if I wrote about that or just meant to write about it. I don't know if anyone reads my posts anyway, so no one knows and I can't remember. Oh well. Anyway, I got them back yesterday. I got an A on my number theory, but it wasn't as good an A as I had hoped so I was disappointed. It was an A though, so I shouldn't be of course. Then I got an AB (A- or B+) on my abstract algebra exam. I thought I did better. I hate classes where you think you know what you're doing and you really believe it's right and then it isn't. Like usually I get things wrong on exams because I either make a stupid mistake that I immediately understand what I did wrong when I get the exam back, or I just don't know something and I leave it blank or mostly blank. This was not the case. I actually thought I did really well, answered all the graded questions completely and I thought I really knew what I was talking about. Then as we're going over it, I realized I didn't know it nearly as well as I thought. Who knew that an automorphism has to map the identity to the identity? I guess it makes sense. Oh well, an AB isn't bad and I think it was above the class average which is always nice.

I have an exam on Thursday. I'm going to go in and bend over so I can get fucking right up the ass. I've read all of what we've covered and I've been doing the homework mostly on time. I've gone to every lecture and I'm still confused. It's so frustrating. I don't know when the last time I read all of a text book was and this semester I've read all of each one of them (by all I mean up to the point we're at). I noticed that it helps. But in geometry it doesn't help enough.

I have a big problem with my prerequisites. This class is way heavy into linear algebra. I passed linear algebra with a B (that I hardly deserved). All we did was row-reduction. That was fine with me because I've never needed lienar algebra. Then I get to geometry and I'm fucking lost. I can follow the book and the notes right up to the linear algebra. Then I get lost trying to find eigenvalues and eigenvectors so I can translate axes and blah blah blah. It's, again, quite frustrating.

The pregresitration guide for the spring was put up yesterday and being the dork that I am, looking at it was one of the first things I did when I got up. I also looked at my degree audit. There's a little thing that says how many credits I have to finish and it says 65. I have 3 semesters left and I'm no math major here by 65/3 is 21.67. That's two 22 credit semesters and a 21 credit one. What the fuck? And that's just gen eds and classes to finish my major. I also have STEP requirements that aren't even on there. I'm going to be here fucking forever. Then I realized that that number doesn't include the credits I'm doing right now and the ones that I have an incomplete in (from this summer). That brings it down to 50. And that's like 3 17 credit semesters. Then I also found out that I'll be done with my major and gen eds in less than 50 credits, actually only 30 or 33, so The other 20 can be used for STEP so I will get out of here at the end of next year as planned. Thank God. It was so stressful and disappointing to think I'd be here for another year.

I have 6 gen ends left to take, 18 credits. That's an entire semester of gen eds left to do. Bah. Anyone take any good gen eds? I need everything but a PS, a BS, and R1 and R2 of course. I need history, literature, arts, interdiciplinary, and diversity. BAH. I don't want to be a well rounded person!

I want to learn Spanish.

I don't think proper is a bad thing, but for our age, I don't think it's necessarily a good thing either. I don't know too many guys that are proper, but if I had to pick any, it would probably be Pappy. Take it to mean something close to old. Then it's an insult.

1212 Out.

I've had the longest week ever and I'm so glad it's nearing its end. I had an exam Tuesday night and one this morning. I had to proctor an exam Wednesday night. I had 3 hours of tutoring, 8 hours in the help center, 5 hours in classes I don't take, and then my normal 4 classes. It's just been a really long week, ya know?

So here I am sitting in a computer lab in Lederle, the building where I have all my classes. I'm about a mile from my dorm room and my lovely bed where I want to be. It's 9:47 in the morning; I just finished taking an abstract algebra exam. Surprisingly, I think that I did pretty well. There were 6 questions and only the best 5 are graded. I'd so like a good GPA this semester to bring up my cumulative.

So I thought this would end the longest week ever, but no such luck. Next week I have another exam, one in geometry. I have homework that is due for 3 out of 4 of my classes that I know of, and I'm sure I'll have something due for my writing class as well. I have to write my proposal that I didn't do, but the old fuck wasn't there when I went for my meeting anyhow. Okay, so I have to write a paper on "a familiar scientific but nonmathematical topic." This is for my math writing class. I don't know what to write about. Get this, I'm a math major. I haven't taken any scientific nonmathematical classes since high school and anything that I learned then isn't familiar anymore. Plus it only has to be a short paper, and I don't want anything too hard. Here are my thoughts: anthrax, some disease, how something works. I don't know, what do you think?

This semester, I have worked the hardest that I think I ever have in my life. I have kept up with all my classes, done all my homework, and worked over 20 hours a week. This semester, I feel the stupidest that I have ever felt. Did you ever notice that the more you learn, the more you realize that there is so much more to learn? The more you know, the more that you don't know. Something like that. Maybe it isn't the same for English majors. Maybe it is. Whatever, it's frustrating.

Is this too whiny for you FlyingTim? I don't know why you chose to single me out for bitching. Whatever, it's old now.

I want to go somewhere. I need a break where I can get away from all my homework and work and everything and just relax. Maybe I just need to get good and drunk. I just want one night's sleep where I don't dream about fucking abstract algebra or geometry or something. It's no good to dream about math -- what kind of a rest is it if I can't get away from what I'm doing all day long? It's no good.

Wilson says this is stress. I don't feel that stressed. I mean, sure, I have things to do all the time, but nothing that is unmanageable. Dreaming about math, well, maybe that's just that I can't get my brain to relax. My stomach hurts. Not like indigestion or cramps or anything, but like a pain under the surface. It's not like a bruise or a cut that is on the surface, but something in the lining or something. I'm thinking ulcer. Then I'm thinking that I'm overreacting of course. I hardly think my life is stressful enough to warrant an ulcer. I don't have time to deal with that shit anyway.

Add this to my list of things that I don't understand: how the shower walls get covered in hair. How does this accidentally happen? I think people have to actually put hair on the walls for a reason. Maybe it's stuck to you hand and getting it to stick to the wall is the only way of getting it off your hand. Okay, sure. But why do you leave it there? Is it because it doesn't bother you so what do you care if it bothers anyone else? Well it's a little disgusting don't you think?

Here's another thing that I don't understand. Why does my roommate have so much time to go out and I have so much more homework? Is it because her classes are a joke? I don't remember having it that easy freshman year. What did I do wrong? Was it that I picked a serious major instead of just going through half my college career as undecided? I want to be an English major. I want to play Frisbee.

Well I guess that's all I have to say right now. I doubt anyone but maybe Ashley, Wilson, and maybe Pappy is still reading. So thanks to you, and fuck off to everyone else.

Ya know, I hate people, most people. Have a nice day.

1212 Out.

No "Way to go, Lio." No. Forget Red. She could have had you back when and she decided to go to Speare instead. Fuck her. You don't need his hand-me-downs. She should have known whatshe passed up and its her own fault. Don't be there for her to come running to unless you're just there as a friend. It wil never work out. Don't do it man, you deserve better. You deserve a chick who wants to be with you from the beginning. You don't deserve any of this, I'll be with you since the guy I want is unavailable. No, fuck that. You should have a girl that say, Hey Lio, you're great and I want to be with you and no one else. Don't take Speare's hand-me-downs and don't let yourself be Red's second choice. Help them get back together if you know that's what's going to happen. If they aren't going to get back together, be her friend and help her get over the break up. Maybe way later on down the road, if she sees you for who you are, and not just as a fillin for Speare, then maybe you could have something with her. But you won't even need that cause it will be so far down the road and you'll either be home or happily with someone else. Sorry it didn't work out with Red or Melanie. Forget them both though. You can find someone better.

Was that too much whining for you too, FlyingTim?

1212 Out.

I think, that if I ever had sex, I might like it. Since I'm a virgin though, and will be til the day that I am married, I won't know for a while.

Okay, so I'm going to bitch about all the work that I have to do instead of actually taking this time to do it. I need a little break. Let me tell you about my ass day so far.

I got up late at about noon. From 1.00-2.00 I have to sit through Math 127 which is calculus for the life sciences. We're 9 lecturers into the semester and we haven't even done anything to do with calculus. Today we talked about average rate of change and instaneous rate of change and he said let's call the IROC, y' and call it the derivative. Argh. It's all fucking ass backwards and boring as shit.

Anyway, then from 2.30-3.45 I have Math 461, Geometry with a crazy professor. He's very smart and all and knows his shit, but I don't think I ever want to take a class with him again. He writes a mile a minute and talks even faster. Before I can copy the shit down he's alreay erasing it. He's lecturing and then asking questions as we go along and I'm still trying to copy things down from two boards ago.

Then from 4.00-6.00 I sit in a room and wait for people to ask questions. If they come, I have to help them in the best way that I can. If no one comes, I sit there freezing my balls off grading quizzes or doing my homework.

Then from 6.30-7.30, I tutor -- a review of calc 1, 2, and 3 for a kid that is taking a course in the physics of chemistry or something, like how atoms rotate and shit like that. At the end of the day, I start the long walk home. Usually I just wait for the bus and read one of my text books while waiting. Yes, I actually read my text books.

Then when I got home, I started a number theory project that is due tomorrow. I'm working with Wilson and my ex roommate Tab. It's now 12:14 am. I'm not done with the project, Wilson is downstairs writing code for it and then I have to do some work with the data that his program makes for me.

After I finish this, do I get to go to bed? Not even close. I have a paper to write for a conference I have with my junior writing teacher, a scabby old man who needs to do something about his peeling flaky skin and open wounds. The conference is at 6 pm tomorrow night. I also need to finish my geometry homework that was due today. I have about 3,000 papers which need to be graded to be given back tomorrow. After all that, I think I can finally go to bed, only to get up at 7.30 for my 9.05 class. My roommate has already gone to bed and I'm so jealous.

Tomorrow is not going to be any easier either. I have algebra at 9.05, errands to run at 10.10, number theory at 11.15, precal at 12.20, lunch at 1.25, meeting for homework at 2.30, office hours from 4.00-6.00, conference at 6.00 and then maybe by about 6.30 or so, I'll get to go back to my room after one long long day. I have more geometry homework due Thursday, and then maybe I can get some sleep.

This was supposed to be a nice long weekend, let me catch up on some of the shit that I have to do. Did that happen? I actually did do a lot of work -- alphabetizing all 3,000 papers I have to grade. But I still have a shit load of my own homework and what not to do. I feel like a hamster on one of those wheels, constantly running but not going anywhere. It's quite frustrating. It's going to drive me to drink, I just know it. I'm too young to be burned out, aren't I?

1212 Out.