This post was brought to you by Anchor Steam Ale.

Well, I want to post something, not leave the front page of Insult dormant, but the usual oh-bah-it's-exams whining doesn't seem like it'll do.

I've been thinking about my own death more lately. Why, I don't really know. I think it may have something to dowith a feeling of personal growth, with my having begun to encounter things that I've been putting off for a long time, read: driver's licence and college graduation. Moving along some path, I'll guess, makes me feel as if I'm moving closer to death. I wouldn't say that I really worry about it, just that I think about it. At times I do feel as if I have a bomb in my chest. I'm healthier than I think I might have ever been, so this sort of stuff makes even less sense than it might usually. It's really about the stupidest thing I can think of to worry about.

Ah well. Things are generally fine.

Have you seen those Apple commercials, the ones that have average-joe type people talking about how they've switched over from their old PCs to new Macintoshes, and about how happy they are over the change? They're all 'real' about it too, we relate to them and their daily concerns, so on.

Yet, I dunno, I don't relate to these people, they all seem like jackasses. I dislike them, more than anything else. Normally, I don't have this sort of reaction to these anti-commercial commercials, I like the genre well enough, but it seems like with this ad campaign Apple really went out of their way to get ugly, annoying spokeswomen.

Hemming, hawing, talking about their jobs as Internet Media Producers and things like that, blaming their husbands for wanting to keep PCs, utterly, deeply unlikable. The people just don't look like ones I'd like to be identified with, either, look at the woman at the top of this post.

Now, Steve from the Dell commercials, he's a role model. I'm getting a Dell!

---

This doesn't really merit a full post. I don't even expect that anyone will read it, since the post is a few days old. Anyways, on AT&T Digital Cable, there's this menu that you move through in order to select the channel that you want to watch. "Dude, Where's My Car?" was just one of the movies that was on TV, but, its name was too long for the entry space on the Digital Cable menu - it'd been shortened to "Dude, My Car?". And, really, getting rid of the "Where's" turns it from a silly title into something art-house-like: "Dude, My Car?" Very translated-French.

Stone

Alright, its late and im bored so im going to recount a story for you all that has become legend in our little group, those of you who were there please feel free to add any of the fun little tidbits of this i may miss, i was the one after all that was least sober.

let me set the scean for you all here. its 1998, spring semester, im still in high school, but FlyingTim, Pappy and Wilson all went to UMASS. So friday comes and ive planed to go up and visit my friends in college, stay at the dorm meet some new people and have a good time. little did i know that i would spend most of the weekend in FlyingTims room playing Tribes and drinking beer out of a way to big cup half filled with coolade lemonade. so i get up on that friday night, meet "The Fonz" FlyingTims roomate who leaves as soon as i get there comes back later that night and really nothing happens i spend a night on a dirty floor wishing i waited till saterday to come up. Saterday, we wake up at about or 1pm and go eat breakfast, now i would have liked to eat at any of the wonderful DC's there at UMASS but no we drive into fucking Hadly and go to dunkin donuts, anyways the day is pretty uneventfull untill about 3pm. at this time Logan is on his way Logan being at the time my best friend so im all set hes coming were all going to party together itll be great so knowing this i go into my wallet and pull out what i came up to do that weekend, a nice and big Purple Geltab of yummy LSD.

Now this is only the second time i had ever used Acid so after about an hour and not feeling any change i start to think that i got burned and start to get pissed, Flyingtim tells me to chill out, so i decide to give it a little more time, after this point things start to take a turn....

Tim puts on Darkside of the Moon figureing it would be the most logical thing to listen to and he puts it on his computer with a program that follows the music with some kind of colors and movement sceam it was new at the time and some what intreaging. the next thing i know the cd is over and tim is just standing there looking at me...its working

about 45 minutes later Logan calls hes lost at some biker bar trying to find the campus he eventually gets here and call from the street. we have to go down and meet him to bring him up. fine i say ill stay here where its safe....no no says tim you have to come with me to get him. ok ill go we go downstairs and tim remebers that i cant leave because i have to get checked in and out so he tells me to wait here and he will be back.....wait here and ill be back.....wait here and ill be back...thats really all i could understand at the time so i did, i waited did not move, people came and i freaked out but did not move, it was a rainy night and i was standing in the doorway getting wet, there was a street light at the top of the hill of the dorm i was looking at, and looking at and looking at. the light just kept getting bigger and bigger and turning all kinds of different beautiful shades of blue, the light started to dance with the rain, back and forth it danced the ripples on the ground even got involved, it was quite a show....but then suddenly it stoped. i realized i was alone except for the RA standing next to me. dont ask me what happened next because i dont know, the next flash of memery i have im standing in front of a badly out of tune piano playing some kind of melodic funk rif.......wanna know a secrete....wispers-i dont know how to play piano-.....and tim taps me on the sholder and i turn around to Logan and tim just laughing at me.....very funny guys you left me for so long tim-dude weve only been gone for 5 minutes. oh boy...........

Logan, he was suppose to be my safty, he was suppose to keep me ocupied with cool things and keep me in a good mood, instead he shows up and starts pounding beers and gets way to drunk to even think never mind play with a trippin kid. so were in Tims room waiting for Wilson and Pappy to come so we can go to friendlys to get some food and i find a bottle of Jack Danials in the fridge. haha i think its mine noone knows i have it but i better finish it before anyone sees, i promtly start to chug the entire bottle, about 3 or five seconds later Loagn performs one of his only good deeds of the weekend and rips it out of my hands and tells me im not allowed to touch it again, i listen and start to feel a little sick, but i get over it and end up just really Drunk and Trippin.

we dicide that my car will be the best to take, mainly because i dont know any better at this point, first i decide tat Pappy should drive i dont really know why but he seemed to represent some kind of responsibilty to me at the time, he cant even get it out of first gear and i start yelling at him to get the fuck out of my car ill fucking drive. god deed alert #2 logan says why dont you let tim drive...sounds good to me..tim you drive ok were off to food.

trees are funny things then your moving in fact moving is a funny thing when your trippin, being in the car felt like i was flying, i opened my sunroof even though it was raining it all looked so pretty the rain felt like thousands of tiny cool pelets hitting my face, it was soothing and calming, i enjoyed my ride it was fun the headlights started to dance with the rain and the road colors shot out of no where streaks flew through the sky every car that went by was twice as big as i remeber cars being, people on the street were moving very very slow and yet very very fast, some dident move they just stood and looked as if i was a caged animal on display...look look that kid is trippin.....no no no, they dont know your trippin relax.

FRIENDLYS AND THE CLOCK: so we get seated and im looking at a menu, or so im told, Logan starts to yell at me in german, Wilson tells me to order fries, the man comes, he looks at me, i look at him, he asks me what i want, i think, i want fries, just tell the man you want fries and a coke....i hide behind my menu, i literly take the menu and put it over my face. Logan orders fries and a coke for me, good deed #3, so the man leaves and i put down my menu, Wilson looks at me, dude look at that big blue clock over there. now there really is a giant free standing blue clock in the friendlys i later learn but i look and wow that is a really big clock and what a funny color....about five minutes later dude look at the huge clock over there...oh man is it getting bigger??? i think you know where this is going, by the time we leave that clock is bigger than me and i run out of the place.......the car ahhh safty.

the rest of the night is pretty much just me trippin sack in tims room but there is one more importnant detail i must inform you of, this is where all of Logans good deed points get thrown out the window...literally.

were in my car and i put on my new korn tape that i bought that day, i like it and its good but Logan decides that it corporate rock and it sucks and he starts geting me going and im like yeah man fucking industry fucks fucking everyone trying to make it on the local scean and i rip the tape out of my car and throw it out the window. 1...2...3. . .NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! MY NEW TAPE!!!!!!! and we never found it tim kept driving and i forgot about it ten minutes later.

The End

I love codine so much, I really do. I've been sick as a fucking dog the last few days (I started feeling kinda bad late wed night at the party) and fri I went to the doctor about it, he gave me some cough syrup with codine in it. Now I've previously experienced the joys of codine and know how strong it is, so I went easy and just took a little bit of it fri night when I couldn't sleep. Next thing I know it's Sat night! It was some crazy shit. I'm feeling a little whacked out now but hey I don't feel sick anymore so it's all good. My curiousity is piqued as well, I'm trying to imagine what Levres pictured me (and Calliander by default) looking like. Usually people that talk to me without meeting me yet picture me looking like Adam Duritz and then when they meet me they go "Wow you do look like Adam Duritz". If I could sing at all I'd start a Counting Crows cover band. Anyway, wed night was very cool, cool and interesting. Firstly I got some funny news from Lio, as it turns out that an ex of mine that really hurt me years ago just got the screws herself from my rich ugly successor. That gave me a good chuckle. I had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone that night it was real cool. I still don't understand everyone's refusal to ever perform analingus on a woman. If the girl's clean and all that why not, especially if you're in the area anyway. It's all a mood thing, like, it's not something you think about and go "That's hot", you have to be in the middle of things, it's heating up, and you just decide to do it. And girls love it, so if you want to reach the apex of your coital skilz you can't playa hate the analingus. Anyway, when I got up the next morning my Mom was like "While you were out last night you got a call from some trashy sounding girl, she wanted to go to the movies" and I was like "Uh, huh? Who was it, is the message still there?" and it wasn't. So now I'm trying to figure out who it was, if it was someone I know she would have recognized the voice so it must not be a friend. This is driving me insane, my Mom thinks every girl is trashy so that means nothing. Grrrrrr.......... My best guess is that it was Suzanne Mead because I talked to her last weekend and she told me to give her a call last week, but I was drunk and forgot to ask for her number. I have no clue though. Oh yeah and someone I thought hated me told me they're in love with me, which totally shocked me, and I got a couple callbacks friday about jobs so I've had a lot of stuff to think about while being wacked out on cough syrup. SteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevePerry!

It's sooo sad for such a young person to be involved with the crack... sad, sad, sad. This is something we have to talk about man. I mean, You know we're all here for you if you need help. PUT DOWN THE GLASS DICK!

First: These bean-isms were okay at first, but now they're just sucky and stupid.

Second.. wanna learn more about marrying your cousin? Check out this site. God knows why you want to marry your cousin, but whatever.

I'm up too late. I hope I get a couple of hours sleep. School work sucks.

Gay men are pros at keeping their bowels clean. I mean.. aren't they? They eat salad to keep things clear and such right? Is it only salads?

Girls who sit alone on the weekend have no right to bitch come Monday about being alone. Fucking.. do something about it. If you don't have a boyfriend and never go out, its your fault (unless everyone hates you.. which is probably your fault too). You need to give your number out or talk to people or do anything.

A totally unrelated subject: Next year I am moving off campus.. but now I don't know where I'll be living or who with. Levres and Wilson have been acting a little odd in the past two weeks, and all I know is that I don't want to live with the two of them when they are acting like they have been. Shrug.

I need new shoes.

NEed. more. time.

Oh.. and fucking.. SPELL IT WITH ME:

M-A-C-G-Y-V-E-R..

It is not Macguyver or Mcgyver or Mcguyver. It is Macgyver. Everyone at the Phoenix Foundation knew it, as did Jack Dalton and Penny. Even Murdock could get it right. YOU CAN TOO, ASSFACE.

Alas, Mcgyver. I never knew him, however, I had heard the endless stories of countless hours spent by Pappy, Wilson, and Caniprokis spent in an orgy of pleasure with Mcgyver. I have heard the tales of how they would take turns pressing their lips to Mcgyver, sucking forth the bounty from his oraphace. Why there was hardly a time when the three of them were together that they would not make mention of the spastic breathing that marked the pleasures and euphoria of putting their mouths to Mcgyver. I'm sorry to hear that he has gone, since I know how much fun my friends had sucking at his shaft, while lighting his other end on fire.

Mcgyver will be missed. I hope you can find some confort in these words, my friends.

I don't know about you, but over the last couple of hours, I've been searching for a place to anchor my hope. When times like this come, and they come for all of us, we look to a place to anchor for stability. We want to celebrate, remember and think, and think about the man that we love.

I want to encourage you to do three things in the coming days. To tell those stories, and everybody's got a Macgyver story sitting in here, and to laugh, and to remember the emotion that goes with those stories. To listen to each other as you tell those stories and to pray. And to pray. Pray alone and with each other. I think Macgyver would be happy that we would be laughing and telling stories with each other.

Where do we go from here? I mean each of us, we don't like thinking about this but what do we do with those who are here today? How do we anchor to something?

I would like to take this time to talk with you all about Macgyver's life.

Macgyver came into my life the same day he came into Pappy's life. Down in Connecticut, in a small town named Guilford. From that day on, none of the lives touched by Macgyver would ever be the same. Ever since the first time we all hung out with Macgyver, we worried that some day he would be gone, and although we all thought he would be with us longer than he was, we relished every single moment that we got to spend with him.

You know.. you never ever see it coming. It was just two short days ago that I was dutifully filling Macgyver with little chunks of broken ice. Never did I think that would be the last time that I would see him. Macgyver was always so good to us, whether it was the kindest of the kind, or the most insane-o gas station weed from Caniprokis. He was more than just some tool, he was a friend, a member of our closest circle of friends.

I think all of us who knew, and undoubtedly loved our dear friend Macgyver, feel like we've been widowed. Surely, some day, we must learn to love another, but it feels dirty to even think of consuming the smoke which Macgyver had so dutifully supplied to our lungs out of any other piece of equipment. Any other piece of equipment, would be nothing more than just that -- equipment. Macgyver was our friend. He will be missed.

I, For one, will be observing a day of posting silence on 4/20/2001 in rememberance of our dear departed friend.

Rest in peace, little buddy.

If you knew him, you loved him. If you didn't know him, you wished you knew him.

This may come as a shock to those who knew him as it was such a sudden death. I will spare you of the gory details of the death itself. Those of us who were there (Preacherman and my RA) were equally sad.

May we all move on from this, and while we can never replace Macgyver, we can honour him by picking the best of the best to go in his place.

Well, this might be a delicate situation, so I'm going to try and not hurt people's feelings on purpose. Levres, you seem like a very intelligent young woman. Anyone that can recognize their problems, and make steps towards getting help from some source deserves to be proud of themselves. However, you made a stupid decision, Levres. Never, EVER mix prescription drugs with alcohol or your friend MacGyver. That's just plain stupid. So Speaks The Gatekeeper.