AH HA! Finally! Corroborative evidence that Mullitude is directly and oppositely proportional to penis size! You see, Mullitor is packing a Mullitude of, say, 9, and a penis length of around... 4 inches - but here's the real issue - IT DOESN'T MATTER. Mullitor bangs mad bitches whenever he wants, and as proved by the picture, he doesnt need the length to score. If Mullitor was sans his Mullet, in true Samson and Delilah form, he'd need to be packing around 11 inches to be getting the ladies. This is an open call to all of you with small penises, don't over compensate for your size with a BMW, or a big house on the water, or some expensive clothes - just grow yourself a badass mullet. Sure, everyone will know you've got nothing going for you below the belt, but IT WONT MATTER, you'll be nailing all the big booty bitches that you want! I hope I've given you all some new perspective on the issue.. It's not size that matters, it's mullitude.

Jay-Dub out...(WooHoo! I got post 256.. 2^8, biatches!)

If I have to look at one more piece of bad pornography on this web page, I'm going to freckin' kill myself. For the love of God, if you're going to auto-post every day, POST GOOD PORN.

FlyingTim, what the hell are you talking about?

WWJD? I see that shit all over the place. From those 50 cent rings you can get out of those machines at the supermarket to those silly ass Jesus fish that everyones got on their cars. I don't see the mystery behind the question. Like, back in the day, Jesus probably would have done shit one way, but thats because nobody knew him, and everyone thought he was some crazy ass cracker; you know, like one of those guys on the street corner in New York that are always shouting into this low quality PA system? Do you honestly give a fuck about those guys? But, Today, I'm pretty sure things would be different, I mean, If Jesus were here today, he would be such a fucking pimp. All these catholic school sluts would be all over him 24/7, and people would give him whatever he wanted, because whose going to deny the son of God? What a colossial fuckup that would be. So, like, as far as I can figure, what Jesus would do was sit back with a couple of hoes, a forty, a big fat joint, his bigscreen TV and Lazy-Boy and just kick it all day long. He would basically be living the life of snoop dogg, but without the whole rap thing. THATS WHAT JESUS WOULD DO. Case closed, I hope you've all learned something.

I think we would all be better off if we did like Jesus would.. - JW

QED

Well.. I think it's funny anyhow.

There is nothing to do in this goddamn town, I swear. I go out All the time but I never do anything. First of all, the whole not driving bit sucks ass unbelievably... Getting out of the house is a pain in the ass, and so is getting back, and then I always feel bad if people pick me up/drop me off because I live in east bumblefuck, theres like nothing around here for 10 miles other than diary queen, and that fucking place has the nerve to close at 10pm. Like there's ever even a time anyone is out as early as 10pm. So, the result of this is that I end up going out most nights at like 10-11pm, and get back at, oh, say, 4ish, make it to bed by 5 or 6, then get up at 2pm.. Then I get called lazy for sleeping the whole day. Grrrrr.. fuck you in the ass! Ugh, and then worst part of it all is that I havn't been able to talk to Mags in a long, long time because our schedules are such complete opposites and I never ever seem to be home lately. It's all good though, because I get to go out to the cheese state in 14 days and spend two weeks with her.... Here's hoping that her parents dont kill me. I think I've pissed them off already, which was a really nice move on my part :)

So, the only thing that happens in this town all fucking summer is this thing called the "Branford Fest". Its basically just this thing where a whole bunch of vendors come to the green, and lots of people from the town come to eat food and watch shitty entertainment acts like the school choir and this year the fucking Mommas and the Poppas... I assure you there wont be an empty seat in the house. Every year everyones like, the fest is going to kick ass, or, the fest is going to be so fun this year, but, you know what? it almost always sucks.. well, rather, its fun for a few hours, then I end up stranded there with a bunch of drunk assholes from school whom I hated when I was actually in school with them. I can see this becoming less and less sensable and understandable every second. Im done.

layt0r gayt0r - JW

You're Better Off Than You Think

There you have it kids, the excessively emotional and overly introspective drunk. Thats not how yesterday went down at all, biatches. If there's one thing I can't fucking stand it's going to a cocktail party, or an equivalent social function, where everyone has the same intent, TO GET DRUNK, and then these fuckers show up and nurse a few beers or some shit. I mean, what the fuck is that? We're here to DRINK and get sloppy, not to fucking sit around here and fucking analize everything. Theres no goddamn need for analyzation. The hard fucking truths get told when everyone is loosened up and I'm damn sure, especially based on all the shit that went down after Pappy left that everything that happened yesterday was a GoodThing(tm). Except that motherfucker kicking me in the head. It still hurts like a bastard and theres a gigantic red mark. I can't fucking stand some guy trying to get some ass and moving in on a friends "territory". That's not how fucking friends work. If you've seen the Big Lebowski, you know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. Well, this is the same thing, only moreso. Your motives are questionable, sir.

Insecurities be damned. Whenever I attend a cocktail party, everyone gets loosened up and their insecurities all show to the point where theyre hyper sensative to what would normally be the most insignifigant crap. I can't stand this blah blah crap about, "Oh, I don't think she likes me" or "Who am I?" or "That person said something about X, that must make them a Y. I hate Y's". YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm sick of this whiny shit. If you can't sit back, kick it with your homies and enjoy a few beverages, and im talking more than nursing one or two you pussy ass bitches, then dont come and ruin my time. I'm all about chillin' and illin'. Don't be fucking up muh flow.

I'm out of here for now, sorry theres no pretty pictures for you to click on, and, Kelly, thanks for the ice, I owe you one. - Wils0r

This winter break I got the chance to go down to FL from CT, and back again via car. Since I don't drive, good ole pappy basically had 48 hours of driving hell with me in the car. I did my very best to stay sane on this long car ride, because thats alot of freckin' time in a car. I kept a captains log of every time pappy went to the bathroom on the way down and back up. At one point I counted and it was over 100 times, I think. Anyhow, there are an absolute ton of kickass places to eat on that long ass strip of I-95 that runs from CT to FL, and we took that strip as far as it goes, and then further.

The best discovery that we made on the trip was probably Sonny's Real Pit Barbecue. Hell Fuckin' yeah, this place is the shiznit. You mix the best tasting food I've ever eaten, I think, and like the nicest waitstaff I have ever seen and youve got Sonny's. The place itself is really funny, too. It's this big open inside area, filled with these funny wooden picnic tables, and the tables have like thirty different barbecue sauces on them, and they all kick ass. Every time we went in there (we went twice) they told me what all the sauces were, and I just immediatly forgot. You did'nt need em anyhow, since, the food itself rocks the ass more than anything I've ever tasted. The other kickass thing about this place, and I wish all resturants did this, is that they just kept on bringing the drinks. I don't know about you, but I can drink like a bastard. Especially when im out eating good food.

The other kickass place that we found to eat, and we probably ate there about 5 times over the course of the trip up and back was Waffle House. Let me clarify, here, the place is a fucking dump. There's a Waffle House on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING EXIT once you get past, say, the Washington DC area. The best part is that they're ALL THE SAME. They're all these shitty dumps with these probably horribly underpaid staff, which treat you way better than they should and/or have to. Theres a ton of great stuff that they make here, and its really funny, since like, everything on the menu is a gimick. They have all this garbage about how they serve the most of this, or the most different kinds of this, or how many combinations of toppings you could have on whatever. Its hillarious. The hashbrowns there kick ass, especially, and the waffles are damn good too. Oh, and I forgot the best thing about Waffle House. They're open 24 hours a day, and filled with white trash almost as many hours per day. We were lucky enough to eat there at about 3am twice, and one time it was filled with white trash kids talking about smoking and fucking and stuff, and these kids were probably no more than 12. Then the other time it was pretty empty except for this horribly frightening couple out on like this big first date at the waffle house, I was pretty sure that one of the two of them was paying them for their services. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, every single thing there is cheap. I ate until I almost puked every time I went there and it was never more than like $3.55. It kicks ass, and it's cheap. How can you lose?

I guess this is where the rant comes in.. WHY THE FUCK DONT WE HAVE THESE PLACES IN CONNECTICUT!? We've got the shittastic diners in Branford, and those are the only places open 24/7. They're staffed by assholes and filled with every single person in Branford that I hate. The food is expensive and way less than anything that could be considered "good". Waffle House would be perfect in a place like Branford, but I suppose you could never con someone into being "southerner" polite for the shitty minimum wage that I'm sure is Waffle Houses' corporate policy. For some reason these poor southerners get douped into working there, and actually like it. God bless em. The other thing is that We need good barbecue in the northeast. Sonny's made me realize how fucking fantastic meat could be. Sure, we've got Outback, which kicks total ass in its own respect, but we've got no good place for barbecue. And you might be thinking, oh, barbecue, I've had that. No. You havn't unless youve gone to one of these little hole in the wall places like Sonny's. You've had cooked meat with some sauce on it. Nothing more. If you ever get the chance to go to any of these places, do it, goddamit. You certainly wont have a problem finding a waffle house. I don't think we counted more than a handful of exits without one.

I can't fucking wait until I move out of the northeast corner of the world. - JW

[Addendum] Goddamn, I never realized how fucking verbose I was. Sheesh.

Yeah, you heard me. Fuck the Census. And especially fuck the government for feeding us all these bullshit lies about why filling out the census helps me out on the TV and Radio every 5 seconds. Like I believe for even one second that my filling out the Census is going to somehow magically make my school bigger so it's not so crowded anymore (when I was in highschool that is). So, what do I do? I get the thing in the mail, and I throw the fucker out.

If you expect me to fill out some crappy survey, at least staple a dollar to it or something, so I feel guilty about not filling the thing out. I never thought twice about it, until like two weeks ago, I swipe my card through the reader in the foyer of my dorm building, and enter the uber high tech secure area (urm hmmm). I show the 4'10" girl (I can't tell you how frightened I was of her authority) the back of my card which has a COLORED PIECE OF TAPE ON IT, which, evidently is some sort of proof that I live there.. because.. you know, obviously someone who wanted to rape and pillage the entire building wouldnt be able to figure out the intracies of a colored tape system. So, anyhow, I hear this mumble as I pass the girl.. and I don't think much of it as I hit the elevator button, and then.. I sit there, and wait, and I turn around and I see this really really creepy fuck staring at me with this crazy look in his eye, and he goes "Hey, man, did you fill out your Census?"

How could I possibly say no to this government hired goon (He had this really official looking piece of laminated paper pinned to his shirt) with the crazy look in his eye? So, I just lie to the guy and went and got out of there as quickly as possible (I took the stairs - Yeah, he was really that creepy). So, you'd figure my trouble with the census was over, right? No, you'd be wrong. Two days later I'm walking back to my dorm building and the crazy fuck is walking in the opposite direction coming twords me, and just stares at me, and by God I just know that he knows that I lied to him, some how, I just know it. It wasn't that casual kind of stare or glance that people give each other when they acknowlege remembering them, it was this full on psycho I can see your thoughts kind of thing. I very uncomfortably quickly shuffled past the guy and halfway ran to the door of the building. So, once again I figured that my dealings with Census were over, being that its now weeks later, I've seemingly picked up a crazy fuck for a stalker, and the deadline for getting those forms in was a while ago, but.. NoOoOo, of course not.

I get some really bitchy lady calling me up today giving me shit about not handing my Census form in, and since I'm so non-confrontational I tell her that I lost it. She then asks me my name, which, she of course asked for when she called me, but, whatever, and then my birthdate, and since today is my birthday (yay me) she gives me this non-believing ummmmkay when I tell her it. Then, and heres the origional reason why I started this rant, although its seemed to bloom into a very nice nebulous piece of crap on its own, she says "And what is your race". I reply "I'm White", which, if you've seen me is the absolute truth, I'm probably the whitest person on earth, boardering on clear, physically :). So, she goes "You're white, huh? Okay, have a nice day". What the fuck is that? Sounds like bullshit lets not count whitey antics to me. I'm just positive that if I said I was any other race I would have gotten a whole muckle of other questions, but who cares about Mr. Middle Class WASP, eh? Well, obviously you cared enough to goddamn bother the shit out of me for three weeks. I hope they keep on file that I'm white, since thats not changing any time soon and dont bother hunting me down again, since my opinion obviously doesnt count.

I thanked the woman for wasting my time and hung up the phone.

Till next time, Fuck the Census, and I'm out of here. -JW