NORTHRIDGE, CA — In many countries, especially in America, a culture war is being fought over the myriad canines that are considered to be pit bulls. After tragic events like attacks upon children and the now-infamous fighting rings, the animals have gotten a pretty bad name in the press and advocates have long fought to change public perceptions. The most difficult hurdle has been the argument that the breed is violent by nature, and that opinion has often been criticized by owners and allies alike: Don’t blame the breed, blame the owners. Proponents of legislation specifically aimed at the breed, however, received some backing on Wednesday as researches at California State University Northridge released a study after having located a gene that looks to cause aggression in pit bulls.

Dubbed the “violence” gene, researchers were able to locate it by collecting DNA samples at the dogs’ births and analyzing it for the gene variant. Owners of over 1,500 dogs submitted their pets for the five year test and were required to keep track of its aggressiveness in all kinds of situations. Regardless of training and environment, the animals with the variant of the gene were recorded as having violent outbursts – some even resulting in actual attacks. There were a total of 714 pit bulls submitted to the program and all of them were included in the 722 total instances of the strain.

Charles Snowdon, director of the program’s research, said: “Our results would indicate that, unfortunately, this incredibly popular animal is genetically coded to be violent.”

He added: “It is still important to look at ownership carefully because dogs who exhibit these aggressive behaviors can still be managed.”

Conservative talk radio host, Rush Limbaugh, long known for his support of banning the dogs, praised the research. “If it wasn’t apparent to the public that these are dangerous animals requiring strict laws, this research proves it.” He pointed, also, to information from the city of Boston, which saw 661 dog bites in the last two years – of which 150 were by pit bulls. “When a fourth of the bites come from these dogs, that’s a clear indicator.”

The ASPCA’s science advisor, Dr. Steven Zawistowski, responded to the study: “California State University Northridge is well known for its research on animal behavior. However, if you believe the results of this study I would suggest you probably aren’t paying attention.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Two new studies, from the National Institute of Mental Health and Ohio State University, have returned some interesting information about American social media users. According to the research, scientists were able to find a correlation between enjoyment of articles like, “23 Soul-Crushing Problems Only Left-Handed People Will Understand,” and quizzes like, “Which ‘Avengers’ Character Are You?” that are commonly found on web sites like Buzzfeed.com and Distractify.com with things like lower than average IQ and mental disorders.

In one study, Ohio State’s Chien-Liang Lin and Dr. Douglas Sharre observed the daily habits of 148 participants who routinely shared links to articles from such sites with their friends on platforms like Facebook or Twitter. They were able to analyze this data for any commonalities and found that 141 of those study subjects had an IQ of less than 70.

“This kind of result generally would indicate that these web sites gear their articles toward people bordering on having mild intellectual disability,” Dr. Sharre explained. Their findings were backed up by a control group of 148 users known to have higher than average IQs. “We noticed that all but one of those control subjects expressed frustration by simply viewing the title of the link,” Sharre indicated.

Scott Stroup, the author of the NIMH study, revealed further illumination on the topic. According to their findings, an overwhelming number of the participants in their study had been diagnosed with depression. In many cases, Stroup said, “the people for whom depression was marked experienced a euphoric state when taking the quizzes these web sites craft.” Stroup was quick to expand, however, that the enjoyment did not last long. “Many of our 320 surveyed individuals were sitting at home or at their desks during work, and their depression was generally triggered by dissatisfaction at those situations.”

The NIMH utilized around 300 participants with no known history of mental disorders. Institute Director Thomas R. Insel, M.D., had this to say about their results: “There was no marked observation of happiness from the control group, which would confirm that these web site articles have little to no effect on individuals not suffering from a mental illness.”

Alternative studies by other groups found, interestingly enough, that users who frequently visited and shared articles from NPR.org and TheOnion.com had higher than average IQs, while readers of FoxNews.com possessed only a rudimentary understanding of politics, though no link to any of those data could be located.

When you don’t get your Snickers you turn into a neocon, dude.

Do not go into Syria.

I’m sorry if the “international community” has decided to take a firm stance on chemical weapons but they are no worse than any other kind of attack. In fact, they are no worse than drone attacks, for example. Between this childish, interventionist behavior and Snowden’s revelations I have decided to stop supporting this Administration. I cannot get behind a group of people who think it’s okay to spy on us, send robots to kill people, and stick our noses into foreign conflicts. This Administration is George W. Bush, just with gays.

Don’t get me wrong – I believe that what’s going on in Syria is inexcusable. However, I also keep up with things and I know that the “rebels” are just as bad as Assad. We can’t go in there and help one or the other simply for that reason but if that isn’t enough, there’s also the whole not essential to our security and money reasons.

If what the United Kingdom says is true, and Sarin gas was used, then what we can do is cut Syria off. That way, both Assad and the rebels can feel the pain as a result of their actions. It’s not the best answer, since there isn’t a good answer, but it’s better than helping one side or the other.

This is like every single-ish girl I know these days. It also extends to other ages, but I figured I’d keep it in my range. What I love about all the image shares is that they come from Facebook pages with the dumbest names, like, “Bitch your makeup is running.” Who thought to name their Facebook page that?

Anyway, to the girls this describes, I hope it makes you angry. Come at me… wait, what’s the girl equivalent of “bro” in the phrase, “Come at me, bro” ?? Mysteries of the internets.