Yeah, you heard me. Fuck the Census. And especially fuck the government for feeding us all these bullshit lies about why filling out the census helps me out on the TV and Radio every 5 seconds. Like I believe for even one second that my filling out the Census is going to somehow magically make my school bigger so it's not so crowded anymore (when I was in highschool that is). So, what do I do? I get the thing in the mail, and I throw the fucker out.
If you expect me to fill out some crappy survey, at least staple a dollar to it or something, so I feel guilty about not filling the thing out. I never thought twice about it, until like two weeks ago, I swipe my card through the reader in the foyer of my dorm building, and enter the uber high tech secure area (urm hmmm). I show the 4'10" girl (I can't tell you how frightened I was of her authority) the back of my card which has a COLORED PIECE OF TAPE ON IT, which, evidently is some sort of proof that I live there.. because.. you know, obviously someone who wanted to rape and pillage the entire building wouldnt be able to figure out the intracies of a colored tape system. So, anyhow, I hear this mumble as I pass the girl.. and I don't think much of it as I hit the elevator button, and then.. I sit there, and wait, and I turn around and I see this really really creepy fuck staring at me with this crazy look in his eye, and he goes "Hey, man, did you fill out your Census?"
How could I possibly say no to this government hired goon (He had this really official looking piece of laminated paper pinned to his shirt) with the crazy look in his eye? So, I just lie to the guy and went and got out of there as quickly as possible (I took the stairs - Yeah, he was really that creepy). So, you'd figure my trouble with the census was over, right? No, you'd be wrong. Two days later I'm walking back to my dorm building and the crazy fuck is walking in the opposite direction coming twords me, and just stares at me, and by God I just know that he knows that I lied to him, some how, I just know it. It wasn't that casual kind of stare or glance that people give each other when they acknowlege remembering them, it was this full on psycho I can see your thoughts kind of thing. I very uncomfortably quickly shuffled past the guy and halfway ran to the door of the building. So, once again I figured that my dealings with Census were over, being that its now weeks later, I've seemingly picked up a crazy fuck for a stalker, and the deadline for getting those forms in was a while ago, but.. NoOoOo, of course not.
I get some really bitchy lady calling me up today giving me shit about not handing my Census form in, and since I'm so non-confrontational I tell her that I lost it. She then asks me my name, which, she of course asked for when she called me, but, whatever, and then my birthdate, and since today is my birthday (yay me) she gives me this non-believing ummmmkay when I tell her it. Then, and heres the origional reason why I started this rant, although its seemed to bloom into a very nice nebulous piece of crap on its own, she says "And what is your race". I reply "I'm White", which, if you've seen me is the absolute truth, I'm probably the whitest person on earth, boardering on clear, physically :). So, she goes "You're white, huh? Okay, have a nice day". What the fuck is that? Sounds like bullshit lets not count whitey antics to me. I'm just positive that if I said I was any other race I would have gotten a whole muckle of other questions, but who cares about Mr. Middle Class WASP, eh? Well, obviously you cared enough to goddamn bother the shit out of me for three weeks. I hope they keep on file that I'm white, since thats not changing any time soon and dont bother hunting me down again, since my opinion obviously doesnt count.
I thanked the woman for wasting my time and hung up the phone.
Till next time, Fuck the Census, and I'm out of here. -JW