You know... there was a time, back when I was just a high school loser that never got laid, that I thought to myself, "Well you know, maybe these cunt bitches in Branford would sooner kick me down a flight of stairs than give me a second look, but I'll bet when I'm in college there will be all sorts of sluts that would give up the poontang to me." You know? Everyone I knew was telling me that college is the great equalizer, that college is all about cheap casual sex for all!!!
Well... Now that I'm a college loser that STILL hasn't gotten laid, I ask, WHERE ARE THE DIRTY DIRTY COLLEGE SLUTS I WAS PROMISED!?! GODDAMMIT!!! I go to Penn State, one of the biggest party schools in the world, and I still haven't bumped into a girl who'd fuck me! I see so many HOT girls walkin' around with guys that are complete herbs, and uglier than a bag o' assholes. And it wouldn't be such a kick in the ass if these were nice guys, but 99% of the time these fucking no-neck delmers are complete assholes. Why do these fuckers get so lucky, and I get shit on! FUCK THIS SHIT!!!