Those of you that don't know me, or don't care, this isn't really for you, but I know there's probably 3 or 4 of you that care about me, so I thought I'd post. Pappy, Kellwhore, danz0r, and GIRLNEXTDOOR, I'll miss you guys while I'm out at UW-Madison next year. Yes, I am transferring, and I'm 99.9% sure I won't be back for spring semester at UMass either. I guess the only way to say why, is that things are just sometimes better for you when they're closer to home. I probably should've gone to Wisconsin in the first place, but I had my experience and now it's time to start in seriously and fresh after a year of fun. (Danz0r, I'll probably be out the week before spring break to get my stuff. I'll let you know.) You should all come out and visit. I'll have an apartment and the bars in Madtown rule. Plus, I figure by then, Pappy and danz0r, you'll be 21 and it would completely kick ass. :-) Plus, if you come out to visit me, I wouldn't have to miss you and be out of the loop. :-) And I'll definitely be back to visit. I just don't feel like dealing with the East Coast on a permanent basis just yet. I know some people may assume reasons for my transferring, but I'm seriously not about to let little shit like that take control of the rest of my life and ruin what should be the best experience of my life. I make choices for myself, and I'm glad I've made this one.

Pappy, I'm glad we're talking again. I thought you were mad at me for some reason or wanted nothing to do with me, so I'm glad we've gotten past that. :-)

Well, that's all I really have to say. And any of you that don't like, or think what I had to say was stupid, can fuck off, cuz I really don't care. :-). I'm out.

Everyone seems to ask me why I'm home, and how I'm doing, and I think I finally figured it out.

I'M DEALING.

Dealing with what you may ask? Dealing with everything . . . friends, academics, athletics, etc. Pretty much just everything all at once. I guess the easiest way to put it is that I kinda got my feet knocked out from under me, and I just had to figure out how to get things back on track. I guess I could have got things back on track out at school, but then things that I probably would want to have go well wouldn't because I was so absorbed with other things. And I wasn't willing to put my academics and my athletics at that risk.

Okay, so how/when did everything become crazy? Well, I think everything started in March/April/May. Umm...I guess I should give some background info, huh? Freshman year I swam for UMASS. I had been swimming since I was 10, and I guess I was pretty good because I was the only freshman on scholarship. Well, the season didn't exactly go as I, or the coach, had planned. I swam significantly slower than I should have and I just wasn't having fun anymore. That was hard because swimming had always been everything to me and then all of a sudden it just wasn't fun anymore. It was, in fact, the last thing that I wanted to be doing at any given moment. Okay, when I finally realize this completely, it's March. I started competing in track in March also. In mid April I was given the opportunity to be given a scholarship for track, but I would have to give up swimming completely. So after a lot of thought, I decided that track would probably be the best thing for me to do because I was having fun with it and it was working for me. Ummm....in April, met wilson, which was probably the only thing that kept me from not going crazy with everything else. So, I went home this summer. I was away from wilson and away from swimming, and I guess that depressed me more than I was willing to admit at the time. It just kinda sucked throughout the whole summer. I was mopey, there wasn't really much going on here in WI, so I just had time to think about things that just depressed me even more. And, as I'm realizing now, not swimming hurt me a lot. It was hard to go to practice and not be able to do things that I had once, and I'm thinking that that just added to my mood and everything.

So I got out to school this fall, and I guess things all just kinda hit me at once. Nothing went according to plan. I found out some things that I didn't really want to know, and I had to figure out how to deal with them. And I guess I just figured it would be easier to deal with the depression that I was feeling and everything else I was dealing with around my family and my best friends where I would have no distractions to get in my way of figuring out how to stand back up. So right now I guess the best way to put it is . . . I'm standing. Maybe shakily, but I think with a little more time I should be able to stand on my own without support from the people that are giving the most. Yeah, I know I'll still need the support, but I don't want it to be what's holding me up. (Yeah, I know it's a stupid analogy, but it's the one that I thought would best describe how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. Maybe it's just that it makes sense to me because I know all the minute details, but I guess it's just gonna have to do for now.)

I know you're probably all thinking that the whole swimming/track thing is kind of an immature reason to take a semester off, and I know from what I've said it sounds like that's why I took off, but it's just the tip of everything. Everything else just builds on that and makes things seem bigger and it just got so I had to deal with them.

Well, that's my story. Think of it what you will.

Hmmm....dyed the hair dark red, getting another tattoo, thinking about the whole tongue piercing thing. I'm starting to think that I'm involved in some sort of "MC Mutation" :-). I guess it's just time to change things up some. And hey, I'm definitely having fun, and thinking it's for the better. Can't have everything be completely familiar when you come back after a time away.

So yeah, spent the evening tonight with my best friend and her boyfriend (not the same one as in "Thoughts"). I'm really starting to think of him as a stand-up guy. Much more so than a few people I've known and/or have met recently. I can't believe I'm actually admitting that I think he's an okay guy. But he really is. He and I are making plans to stab a list of people in the eye with a steak knife, so if you've got any suggestions, let me know. :-) The list is quite long, but I'm sure we could make time for some others. ;-)

And yeah, I gotta say that it's nice getting to see your best friend at least once a week. When I was out at school we started to drift apart, and that scared me, but we're back together now, and more solid than ever. It's nice having someone around who doesn't judge anything you do and is always there to listen and be supportive. It's something that (I think) everyone needs, and I know I haven't gotten a lot of it, and it's just nice to know it's there. :-)

So, I'm out. Peace.

====== SNIP =====

Alright. Jesus' purpose when he was put here on earth the first time was to populate Heaven. He was sent to preach the Word of His Father and to bring people to know Him. He is the God and the Word in the living flesh.

He was a servant when He was here before, and He will be a servant when He returns to walk among us. He's a servant to His Father and a servant to the people that He has died and will die for. He will lead a life of a servant, in the end, dying again, so that people will be allowed the chance to meet their heavenly Father. He was put and will be put here on earth for that reason, and that reason only....to bring people to know His (and our) Father.

He will seek out the people that needed Him and His Father the most, and come to them, and help them through their times of need and despair, and lead them to the highest glory at the hands of their Father. He will help all of us know our Father and be able to be with Him.

That's what Jesus would do. If you need further evidence and/or examples, pick up a Bible.

Well Wilson, you keep insisting that Jesus would do what everyone else is doing because He was just a normal guy, but not everyone I know sits around on a Lazy-Boy chair, with a 40, a joint, and a bunch of hoes. Maybe that's what people you know do, but I can't think of anyone I know that does that. Besides, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Jesus has more morals than that. Plus, from my religious experience, I seem to recall that the large majority of things that Jesus did were *LEGAL*, or would be considered *LEGAL* now. Now, I'm not saying that people don't partake in some of these activities, because I know some people who do, and I'm not really saying that they shouldn't, but I really don't think that the Son of God would partake in something like that. I also don't think that He would just sit around. He's the freaking Son of God. Don't you think that that would give Him something to do besides be a lazy bastard? Now...about the catholic school girls and the hoes. The man was (approximately) 33 years old when He died, and still a virgin. I really don't think He would have a problem with the school girls, and I really don't think He would even think about having a hoe. Besides, from descriptions, I don't think He was the *most* attractive man.

To put things shortly, I think Jesus would have stronger morals than we today have, and would therefore be obeying the law and what His Father would want him to do. (But hey, I guess it's only my opinion...based on a Christian upbringing. Believe what you want.)

should get a life...and leave me alone! haha

Well, I've been looking for a job for quite some time now. And, unfortunately, I have yet to be successful, which really sucks. But then, today, some light got shined onto this dark world in which I am a citizen. My friend told me about this awesome gig bartending for some of the biggest concerts that our state holds.

So by the time I come back to school, I'll be an experienced bartender. Granted, it doesn't pay a lot of money, and you don't work THAT often, but you do get tips and you get a free bartending class and concert tickets out of it. Oh...and Wilson will get to see his favorite band play when he comes out to visit. The only thing that sucks is that I'll have to miss one of my favorite bands because I already have plans for that day, but I guess I'll just have to deal. It should be a fun time.

But I'm thinking that I'm gonna have to get another job to accompany that one because I need income and I need something to do, so I'm still looking. Argh...working sucks. The thought of it is just annoying. But yeah....

Wow. This site has been pretty popular lately. I guess people are finally settling into their summer routines. Hmmm...summer routine, that's something that I don't have yet. In the little time that I've actually been getting out of the house, I've looked for a job. So far I have 3 applications but none of them look too appealing to me. Hell, I'm not a really big "go-getter". I'd rather just sit on my ass and let things come to me. But that philosophy is starting to go downhill as well because I'm getting bored off my ass sitting here at home in front of the computer. So with the way things are going, I'm thinking that I need to get a job just so I don't die of boredom.

Plus, there, I would have interaction with other human beings...something that I haven't had much of since I've been home. I think that the extent of my human contact has come from spending time with my best friend and her jack ass boyfriend. Geez...some people just never know when to stop. Do they have to rub everything in?? So yeah, besides spending time with my best friend, my day and time has pretty much been spent sitting online...talking to danz0r. The nights are the worst because I don't go out...and when I have plans to, they always end up ruined. So I spend the night in a dark room staring at a computer screen trying to find someone that will actually talk to me. So I fry both my eyes and my brain. I can't turn the light on in my room because it's so hot it's like a sauna, so I open the window, but there's no screen, so if I don't keep the lights off all of the mosquitos and other annoying bugs will come in a visit me. But then again, maybe that's a good thing. At least someone wants to hang out with me. Oh well, hopefully after the high schools let out I'll be able to find something fun to do. There's gotta be something fun to do in this state. Hell, I have to find something to do when Wilson's here. Otherwise he's going to be bored out of his mind. Poor Wilson.

Speaking of Wilson, I have to agree with his sentiments that missing people sucks. Yeah, I have friends back home (or maybe I don't...and I'm just saying that...but anyways...) but I've been home for 4 days, and I already miss my friends back at school like crazy. And talking to them makes it even more the worse, because you can hear their voice and know what they're thinking and saying, but there's no way you can see them to interact with them on a personal level, and that's not any fun. I don't know if I agree with Wilson on the percents though. I'm a pessimistic person, but I think that the missing people will be 100% worth it in the end. I guess it will be what you want to make out of it. I know that I wouldn't give up the feeling of being loved and having great friendships for anything in the world. Yeah, I sit here and feel miserable, but I know that when I see everyone again, things will be the same, if not better. Because then you have to make up for lost time. All the time that you missed talking and all the time that you missed hanging out, you get to make up for 10 fold.

Ummm...so let's see. Well, Pappy told me yesterday that I really don't bug him, but I'm not so sure if I believe him. I tend to bug a lot of people, and if you don't believe me you can ask any of the guys on my track team at school, or my swim team here at home. I guess it's just one of my finer traits. Well, I don't know if I'd exactly say finer....but you know.... So I guess if Pappy really isn't annoyed with me yet, then that's a good thing, and I'll just continue to talk to him. That's also a plus because that gives me something to do when I'm sitting in my dark room at night. Cuz I know he will always be around. Even if he does go away and not answer my messages for a while.

As for the readings, of course danz0r would pick something of a political nature. That does not surprise me in the least. I guess that's just the way he is though. Me, now, I'm a big fan of Stephen King. You can't go wrong with ANY of his books, and most of his movies. That man is a creative genius. So that's my recommendation for summer reading...anything by Stephen King. It's quality.

Well, there's gotta be something to do here in good old Wisconsin, so I'm going to try to find it. I probably won't, but it's worth a shot...

Well, here I am sitting in my dorm room with nothing better to do than write a post on a web site. This isn't about anything important, it's just something to do to try to get over the boredom of today. So, I've been sitting in an empty room for about 3 days now. I think it's about time I got to leave this place. The room is starting to echo when I talk, and that's definitely not a good thing. And everybody around me is moving out ... but do I get to? No, I don't get to fly out of the stupid East coast until early Sunday morning. I finished with finals yesterday at 5, but I'm still sitting around ... and getting extrememly pissed off at nothing.

So, let's see ... my summer plans. Well, my mother says that I have to get a job, but I don't really know how that's going to fly because I've never had one before. Yes, I just said that I'm 18 and have never had a job. What can I say? I'm a mommy's girl and a daddy's girl. It's a great thing to be. So maybe I'll end up with a job this summer, and maybe I won't. All I know is that this summer better not be incredibly boring. Hell, I'm a college student ... I should be able to find something fun to do, right?

Well, let me just tell you how awesome next semester is going to be. Kelly and I are going to be having some phattie parties!! It should be interesting to see how the whole school thing works out though. No, actually I think we're going to do work. I know I have to because my rents are already ripshit at me, but that's something different, and I'll rant about that when I get my grades.

But yeah, I'm outta here to find something to do in a place where there's no one left ....