Okay, people. I wake up this morning to check my e-mail and here's a lovely message that's waiting for me:

Guess what... you've got a secret admirer!

Want to find out who it is? Just click to http://www.CrushLink.com

Email address: gatekeeper@insult.org

Invitation code: [removed]

Make sure you enter in this information exactly as shown above.

See you soon!

Sincerely,The Crush Master

PS. This is not junk email. You've received it because someone you know came to CrushLink and confessed an interest in you! Maybe it was that hottie from English class or the cute one at the party last weekend or maybe--well, we can't even give you a hint until you come to CrushLink.com.

PPS. If you do not wish to receive any more of these messages from CrushLink, please visit http://www.CrushLink.com/block.php3

So, since I must be on crack, I follow the fucking link and it asks me to input people who I possibly have a crush on so it can look for a match. But there's a catch. Anyone I list will receive this stupid e-mail regardless of if they have a crush on me or not, and I'd rather not do that to a few people that I like.

The main thing here is that if this MESSAGE WAS SENT BY AN INSULT READER (NOT A POSTER), THEN YOU ARE A MORON BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU AND THEREFORE, I CANNOT GUESS YOUR NAME, YOU FUCKING CUNT.

If this WAS sent by an Insult reader, then you are also a fucking cunt. There's only like two female posters here, and if one of the GUYS has a crush on me then, well, talk to me privately because you obviously have some serious issues to be worked out. There's nothing wrong with being gay, but being gay AND liking me means you have some serious mental issues. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cut out my own brain because for some odd reason, I ended up picturing Pappy smeared with canola oil. Fuck you.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!

I told part of this to FlyingTim the other night, but I figured I'd explain it fully on here...

Last Sunday I went to dinner with my mother and her friend. After dinner, we went back to the friend's house for me to get my car and go while my mother and friend "hung out". Oh oh! Yes! I'm a computer whiz, can't I fix this old lady's computer for her, before I go? Of course, I can, I can fix anything having to do with computer, clearly. So here's what the deal is described to me as: For the past three years, my mother's friend has had to unplug her phone to use the internet. She had to keep switching the plug from the phone to her computer constantly for three whole years. I already knew what the problem was without even having to see it, but I said I would take a look at it. Heh.

First mistake - she bought a Compaq. Second mistake - she let the Compaq guy come into her house and set it up for her. He told her she had to do it that way, switch the plug from computer to phone and back again. I'd like to get the kid's name so I could punch him in the face for playing such a dirty joke on an old woman. Asshole. So about a year ago she had a friend of hers come over to look at it for her for some problem or another and he noticed the problem. This is a guy who has a degree from such-and-such university in computer design and repair or whatever. A man of letters.

The guy tries to fix the problem for her but has no luck. He tells her that, and I quote, there is no place on the monitor to plug the modem into.

I'll repeat that, because it's something Lewis Black would go crazy over. He told her that there was no place on her monitor to plug the modem into. First of all, the modem is internal. The phone cord was going from the jack on the phone to the one on the modem. Secondly, only fucking iMacs work like that, and that's only because they come in one convenient package. I don't believe in him, but God damn.

So I get up to where the computer is. Sure enough, there's a phone cord going into one of the two jacks on the modem card. Upon inspection with a flashlight, however, it's plugged into the "out" jack. Interesting. I trace the cord over around the back of the desk and you'll never guess where it's plugged into. You know how some power strips have phone jacks in them? Well, the output jack on the modem (i.e. the part that's supposed to plug into the phone) was connected to the output jack of the power strip. THE OUTPUT JACK. Now, also, keep in mind that there's a perfectly functioning wall jack right next to the power strip. The phone cord plugged into that extends to my mother's friend's caller-ID box, which, in turn, has a cord that plugs into the phone.

Instead of going with my first instinct, which was to kill myself, I unplugged the power strip and the wall jack cords. I then took the one from the power strip and plugged it into the caller-ID box. After that, I ran the wall jack cord back around the desk and into the "in" jack on the modem card of the computer. AND THEN I WAS DONE.

Now, it took me a while to describe that, but I did it all in less than a minute. For three fucking years my mother's friend was unplugging the wall jack cord from the caller-ID box, running around the back and plugging it into the computer. I'm surprised the woman hadn't gone crazy, and I'm doubly surprised that she didn't immediately kill the two morons who'd fucked with the computer before me. Both should take their certification certificates and burn them, then burn the ashes, then eat the remaining ashes. Assholes.

Here's some cocksucking porn to take your mind off assholes.

Okay, this web site fucking rules: www.mycereal.com. You can go there and design your own cereal. If you enter the code: cerealsforme, you'll just have to pay the 4 bucks shipping for 7 servings worth. Here's the cereal that I made: Peanut Butter and Cocoa Corn Puffs, Cocoa Corn Flakes, Cocoa Corn Puffs, Natural and Artificial Flavored Chocolate Marshmallow Bits, Toasted Coconut Flakes.

Honestly, the world needs more shit like this. Oh, and you get to name it, too, which is fun. I'm pretty sure you can put down whatever you want...NAZITASTIC CHOCOLATE DEATH Here I come!

Yes, this is entertaining at 5:24AM. Fuck you all.

UGH. STUPID CONNECTION. Sorry about the stutter guys.

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Welcome back dude. Give me Photoshop.

After reading Stone's very good and very entertaining (that was the first time ive laughed so hard reading a game review since PCXL, RIP) review of Samba De Amigo, i started to realize that as a gamer, I haven't truly appreciated a game for a very long time.

Let me explain.

Ever since I found out about the warez/ISO scene around the dreamcast, life hasn't been the same. I mean you name the game, I have it. Shenmu, Metropolis Street Racer, Jet Grind Radio. And all of these games are truely unique and top quality gaming products. But here is the problem: I never got to play them. Once you stop buying the product and start. . .well stealing it, your value system is totally fucked. You start treating games as commodities, not to be used as their origional intention (played/enjoyed) but used as trade goods. When I got Jet Grind Radio, I didn't think about the awesome game play and graphics (okay, I did, but just for the 2-3 hours it took me to play test the game ), instead I was thinking what great trades I could be making on this game.
This is a seriously fucked up situation. This should not be happening. On some levels I wanna call up the software piracy association and report myself. I mean if this was their true intent, Id be their first enforcer, call me shorty. But then I begin to think. . .What about all the other software I've stolen? Countless PC games (It should be noted that the one major game I bought: HL, is still played to this day. . .hmmm), tons of random shareware products, and of course, a fortune worth of graphics/web editing software that I supposedly use. This dissasociation of value and intent is really distrubing, especially since it means I havn't really had fun with a game/software for a long time. Have I, at the same time lost a degree of proficiency and understanding with programs like Adobe Photoshop or Macromedia Director? Both of which I am supposedly proficient in and teach others how to use.

I've been blind to the pure intent of software for a long time. But Im also wondering: Is this a natural and obvious course for a person involved in warez? Isn't there a middle road somewhere not taken where this doesn't come about?

So what road do I plan on taking? Well being the hypocrite that I am, None. At least for a while. Warez is too much fun, warez is life.

That being said, i gonna make myself go out this winter vacation and buy a peice of software (be it a game or a real copy of dreamweaver) and really play/use it.

to be continued. . .

Two things..

First, I hate being called wilson's 'counterpart' or 'other half', etc. Sure, we spent a hell of a lot of time around eachother between 1996 and 1998.. but we arent always around eachother. Hell, I saw wilson for a collective 10 minutes outside of class today.

Another thing.. I want to shoot myself in the face.. er, well.. I sorta did that already.. but.. I mean.. eck. I didnt have a good day. I fucked shit up, and spent hours fixing it.

Er.. I guess I have more than three things.

I repaired my pants.. the really really ripped shorts. I borrowed needle&thread from one of the girls on the floor. I had to repair a button on my pants (the weird thing is, teh pants arent too small for me).

But, while I was repairing my pants, I was installing Linux. I ended up trying Redhat 7.0, Redhat Rawhide 1.0, Mandrake 7.2, Mandrake Cooker. I had the cooker on there before, but I fucked up KDE.. and figured it was a little too unstable.

Well.. RH7 doesnt have KDE2! Gah. So, I decided to put MDK7.2 on, but I couldnt get it working.. and it ended up being a cluster-fuck (thanks for the term caniprokis) because no Mandrake servers were working.

I am now running RedHat 7.0 with KDE2 installed afterwards.. I have font issues though.. but I'll live.

Like any of you care about htat.. but hey, fuck you.

Yet another evening WASTED. I needed to be doing WORK. I sat on my ass sewing and playing guitar.

My hair is getting longer now.. by xmas break it will be in my mouth. I had never seen the back of my head, so I video taped me doing a slow 360 on foot. It was interesting to see behind me. I didnt realize my hair was as wavy as it is.

I think I'm in it for the long haul this time.. I want to grow it out. Its in the weird shitty stage right now, and i have several weeks of it. I may get it cut prior to my trips coming up.

Speaking of which.. I may as well let you know. I will not be ranting between December 26-Jan 1, or between Jan 8 and Jan 20. I will be in Florida with caniprokis between Dec 26 and Jan 1.. and I will be in Europe with wilson between Jan 8 and Jan 20.

Caniprokis and I are going to beat up Brare Fox (sp?) at Disney.

Wilson and I are going to hire a one eyed, one legged whore in Amsterdam. Our primary destination is Belgium, but we'll swing by the Netherlands, Germany, and France while we're out there.

Um.. otherwise.. school is hte primary thing going on. Classes are ending.. so lots of work to do prior to next week when they actually do end. I am not doing as well as I'd like in my algorithms class, but everything else is peachy.. I dont expect the fat inuit to be much of a problem.

Anyway.. tot siens.