Okay, people. I wake up this morning to check my e-mail and here's a lovely message that's waiting for me:
Guess what... you've got a secret admirer!
Want to find out who it is? Just click to http://www.CrushLink.com
Email address: gatekeeper@insult.org
Invitation code: [removed]
Make sure you enter in this information exactly as shown above.
See you soon!
Sincerely,The Crush Master
PS. This is not junk email. You've received it because someone you know came to CrushLink and confessed an interest in you! Maybe it was that hottie from English class or the cute one at the party last weekend or maybe--well, we can't even give you a hint until you come to CrushLink.com.
PPS. If you do not wish to receive any more of these messages from CrushLink, please visit http://www.CrushLink.com/block.php3
So, since I must be on crack, I follow the fucking link and it asks me to input people who I possibly have a crush on so it can look for a match. But there's a catch. Anyone I list will receive this stupid e-mail regardless of if they have a crush on me or not, and I'd rather not do that to a few people that I like.
The main thing here is that if this MESSAGE WAS SENT BY AN INSULT READER (NOT A POSTER), THEN YOU ARE A MORON BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU AND THEREFORE, I CANNOT GUESS YOUR NAME, YOU FUCKING CUNT.
If this WAS sent by an Insult reader, then you are also a fucking cunt. There's only like two female posters here, and if one of the GUYS has a crush on me then, well, talk to me privately because you obviously have some serious issues to be worked out. There's nothing wrong with being gay, but being gay AND liking me means you have some serious mental issues. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cut out my own brain because for some odd reason, I ended up picturing Pappy smeared with canola oil. Fuck you.
So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!