I told part of this to FlyingTim the other night, but I figured I'd explain it fully on here...
Last Sunday I went to dinner with my mother and her friend. After dinner, we went back to the friend's house for me to get my car and go while my mother and friend "hung out". Oh oh! Yes! I'm a computer whiz, can't I fix this old lady's computer for her, before I go? Of course, I can, I can fix anything having to do with computer, clearly. So here's what the deal is described to me as: For the past three years, my mother's friend has had to unplug her phone to use the internet. She had to keep switching the plug from the phone to her computer constantly for three whole years. I already knew what the problem was without even having to see it, but I said I would take a look at it. Heh.
First mistake - she bought a Compaq. Second mistake - she let the Compaq guy come into her house and set it up for her. He told her she had to do it that way, switch the plug from computer to phone and back again. I'd like to get the kid's name so I could punch him in the face for playing such a dirty joke on an old woman. Asshole. So about a year ago she had a friend of hers come over to look at it for her for some problem or another and he noticed the problem. This is a guy who has a degree from such-and-such university in computer design and repair or whatever. A man of letters.
The guy tries to fix the problem for her but has no luck. He tells her that, and I quote, there is no place on the monitor to plug the modem into.
I'll repeat that, because it's something Lewis Black would go crazy over. He told her that there was no place on her monitor to plug the modem into. First of all, the modem is internal. The phone cord was going from the jack on the phone to the one on the modem. Secondly, only fucking iMacs work like that, and that's only because they come in one convenient package. I don't believe in him, but God damn.
So I get up to where the computer is. Sure enough, there's a phone cord going into one of the two jacks on the modem card. Upon inspection with a flashlight, however, it's plugged into the "out" jack. Interesting. I trace the cord over around the back of the desk and you'll never guess where it's plugged into. You know how some power strips have phone jacks in them? Well, the output jack on the modem (i.e. the part that's supposed to plug into the phone) was connected to the output jack of the power strip. THE OUTPUT JACK. Now, also, keep in mind that there's a perfectly functioning wall jack right next to the power strip. The phone cord plugged into that extends to my mother's friend's caller-ID box, which, in turn, has a cord that plugs into the phone.
Instead of going with my first instinct, which was to kill myself, I unplugged the power strip and the wall jack cords. I then took the one from the power strip and plugged it into the caller-ID box. After that, I ran the wall jack cord back around the desk and into the "in" jack on the modem card of the computer. AND THEN I WAS DONE.
Now, it took me a while to describe that, but I did it all in less than a minute. For three fucking years my mother's friend was unplugging the wall jack cord from the caller-ID box, running around the back and plugging it into the computer. I'm surprised the woman hadn't gone crazy, and I'm doubly surprised that she didn't immediately kill the two morons who'd fucked with the computer before me. Both should take their certification certificates and burn them, then burn the ashes, then eat the remaining ashes. Assholes.
Here's some cocksucking porn to take your mind off assholes.
