What the fuck, this morning I wake up to Howard Stern and hear that Hank the Dwarf died yesterday afternoon. I loved Hank, I'm really upset about his passing and I'm not sure why, it's not like I knew him and I rarely get upset about the death of people I didn't know. When I found out and they played candle in the wind for him I cried, they set up a big poster of Hank and people are leaving flowers and bottles of alchohol for him (he drank 24/7). At first I thought it was a joke, then I hoped it was a joke, and now it's setting in that he's really gone. I always laughed my ass off when he was on, and he always reminded me exactly of Blood. He talked exactly like Blood, he used to fall asleep sitting up and all that, he was a dwarf version of Blood. Maybe that's why I'm so sad about it, I don't get to see Blood anymore so when he was on the show it was like I was seeing him. I dunno, this sucks. There's so much death going on it's fucking gay. Goodbye Hank, I love ya little guy.

I liked Aedan, he was a cool guy. I always thought Andrew Malarney was a dumb prick, I had a thing for his sister for about 10 years, and I didn't really know Steve Langlois. It didn't say anything in the paper about Andrew losing a leg, it just said he was in the hospital in stable condition. I have fond memories of Aedan, sometimes he would go out of his way to make conversation with me even though he didn't know me, and he was always nice. I never saw him speak badly about anyone, which is a very rare quality. He was a good guy and I have to believe he's in heaven now. I really hope alchohol wasn't involved in this, but I have a gut feeling it was.

I love codine so much, I really do. I've been sick as a fucking dog the last few days (I started feeling kinda bad late wed night at the party) and fri I went to the doctor about it, he gave me some cough syrup with codine in it. Now I've previously experienced the joys of codine and know how strong it is, so I went easy and just took a little bit of it fri night when I couldn't sleep. Next thing I know it's Sat night! It was some crazy shit. I'm feeling a little whacked out now but hey I don't feel sick anymore so it's all good. My curiousity is piqued as well, I'm trying to imagine what Levres pictured me (and Calliander by default) looking like. Usually people that talk to me without meeting me yet picture me looking like Adam Duritz and then when they meet me they go "Wow you do look like Adam Duritz". If I could sing at all I'd start a Counting Crows cover band. Anyway, wed night was very cool, cool and interesting. Firstly I got some funny news from Lio, as it turns out that an ex of mine that really hurt me years ago just got the screws herself from my rich ugly successor. That gave me a good chuckle. I had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone that night it was real cool. I still don't understand everyone's refusal to ever perform analingus on a woman. If the girl's clean and all that why not, especially if you're in the area anyway. It's all a mood thing, like, it's not something you think about and go "That's hot", you have to be in the middle of things, it's heating up, and you just decide to do it. And girls love it, so if you want to reach the apex of your coital skilz you can't playa hate the analingus. Anyway, when I got up the next morning my Mom was like "While you were out last night you got a call from some trashy sounding girl, she wanted to go to the movies" and I was like "Uh, huh? Who was it, is the message still there?" and it wasn't. So now I'm trying to figure out who it was, if it was someone I know she would have recognized the voice so it must not be a friend. This is driving me insane, my Mom thinks every girl is trashy so that means nothing. Grrrrrr.......... My best guess is that it was Suzanne Mead because I talked to her last weekend and she told me to give her a call last week, but I was drunk and forgot to ask for her number. I have no clue though. Oh yeah and someone I thought hated me told me they're in love with me, which totally shocked me, and I got a couple callbacks friday about jobs so I've had a lot of stuff to think about while being wacked out on cough syrup. SteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevePerry!

She's a piece of ass from where I'm sitting dude

Pappy brings up a good point (well many good points, but one in particular that I feel can use further elaboration), and that is the no flowers right after the first time you have sex. It can make the girl feel like a prostitute or something, like you only got her flowers as a thank you for the yummy sex. However, you MUST call the next day after the first time you have sex. MUST. I've had a girl sleep with someone else just because she was pissed at me for not calling, I know the score. If you don't call the next day the woman starts thinking "This is typical, he did me and now he's never going to call, fuck him". So even if you get hit by a truck, use that ambulance phone to call the woman the next day. Everything else Pappy said is true, if you act too desperate with a woman it's a complete turn off and they'll forget about you no matter how hot you are. Women aren't like men, if a man is into a woman she could eat a live puppy in front of him and he'd just be like "Oh, I guess she was hungry, look at that ass!" but women need more than just the looks, they need the whole package, and one slight little variable can completely fuck up the whole deal. So no desperation and call the next day.

The problem with the whole Casey Martin situation isn't that he's using a cart, it's that the government is stepping in and forcing the PGA to change their rule in his case just so he can play. If the PGA themselves decided to let him use one then fine, it's their rules, they can change them if they want. But the government doesn't have the right to, and Casey Martin does not meet the requirements of the PGA tournament. It sucks for him, yes, and I'm not just being sarcastic, it does suck that he has that disease and can't play PGA golf because of it. But this isn't about emotion, and lots of things in life suck, it's not the government's place to step in and "fix" them. I'm not going to be all insane and predict that this ruling will set the stage for America to turn communist like some people have, but it could very well lead to more instances of the government overstepping it's bounds and violating the rights of people and organizations. And that is what really sucks.

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010601/od/breasts_dc_1.html Check that out, before it's too late......

P.S. Baseball rulez and the supreme court decision is bullshit, if the PGA says walking is a rule of the game then that's a rule of the game, the Americans with Disabilities Act doesn't apply. I'd like to see those fatass judges walk 18 holes in the sun all day and then tell me it's not a factor in the game, any golfer would tell you that if he/she wasn't so terrified of being labeled an insensitive monster. And furthermore, the PGA SAYS it's a rule of their game. CASE CLOSED, they say it's a rule, it's a fucking rule. If Steven Hawking wants to take up a career in the cherished game of baseball would the supreme court step in and say he has the right to run the bases in his wheelchair? A lot of people are letting emotions engulf the parts of their brains that govern rational thought. Sure it sucks to be that dude, sure we all want him to go play golf and beat all the non handicapped people and then we can watch tv movies about it called "Dream On A Tee". But the bottom line is he isn't physically capable of playing by the rules of the game and it's not right for the government to step in and fuck around. He gets a cart because he can't handle the course? Can I have a big robot swinging machine because I can't fucking hit the ball well? Come on government, give a homie a break? And while you're at it, give me a cart too because my cock is so big that it's hard for me to walk a lot.

Woah, www.nudicles.com if I ever get Gunther neutered I'm getting him prosthetic testicles. I think that's the addy, I heard it on Howard Stern this morning but I haven't tried it yet. Don't fret Calliander, the last week for me has just been job hunting and watching Gunther lick his ballbag. Stone and I were supposed to be playing floor hockey with packs of Stop and Shop hot dogs in the middle of the night for 13 bucks an hour but he wussed out. Yeah, wussed out, like a woman! And Lio, stop being a tool, you at 180 is sickly, damn sickly, 180 would be 10 pounds underweight for me and I'm 6 inches shorter than you with a much smaller frame. So eat some pizza and stabilize before I have to start calling you Ally Mcbeal you anorexic fool. Snap out of it, stop riding the snake! If you lose much more weight strangers on the street are going to start throwing sandwiches at you. If you go down to 180 I'm going to hire Chuck Zito to go beat Mr. Atkins to death. And don't think he wouldn't do it, Chuck Zito is hardcore. If I don't find a decent job soon I'm going to fucking kill someone, my writing resume isn't good enough to get a decent job in writing without a degree (the Advocate is NOT a decent job) and all the other decent jobs are taken or shitty, and I'm too broke to go back to school, fuck me. Someone get a floor hockey job with me or hire me to swallow marbles or something, I don't care.

Fuck

Baseball is the greatest sport in the world, it's America's sport, has been for over a hundred years. Sure, people follow and enjoy other sports as well, but baseball is the only one where your team is your religion. Where people follow the same team their grandparents did. Baseball's with you every day, a constant companion. And the game is the most perfect analogy for life, think about every part of the game and you'll find life lessons everywhere. For example, the greatest hitters only get a hit 3 out of 10 times, but as long as you have good at bats you never are really failing, because you're working the pitcher, moving the runners with a fly ball or a bunt. Just like in life, sure no one succeeds all the time, or even half the time, but if you approach things trying to always have good at bats and hang in there you'll rarely fail completely, and your success rate goes up too.

Or take bunting, you're sacrificing yourself for the greater good, which sometimes sucks because you want to be the hero and get a big hit, but it doesn't count as an out on your stats when you sacrifice and you might even get an rbi. In life sacrificing for the greater good doesn't always seem worth it, but in the end other people do notice those things and repect as well as admire you for them. And you might even get a tangible reward out of the deal later, from someone that appreciates what you did or just through happenstance.

I could go on all day giving more examples but I won't, since I'm sure you all get the idea and I'm sure a lot of you don't care. But if 3 out of 10 of you do, I'm batting .300