Ya know... I've been known to have some pretty low self esteem. I don't like the way I look, and my standards for choosing mates are pretty low. But sometimes I look at others... And I realize it can be worse.

I was speaking to an old friend of Red's and mine from our Skook days. Now, Red really doesn't like this girl very much, but I still talk to her because... well I don't know why... I think it's because I see how Red treats her and I'd hate to ever be treated like that by Red. That's beside the point. I was talking to her... I'll call her... Blue. I know, Pappy, you told me to stop using confusing aliases... but in this case, I'd feel bad if I didn't use one.

So we're talking and we get on the subject of porno. She was pissed because her fiance was obsessed with porno. Now, that's funny... I mean so what... He likes porn. I like porn. Everyone likes porn. But she was going on... he liked porn... there relationship wasn't what she wanted... He hits her. That piqued my curiosity... I mean... I condone a lot in a relationship... I mean... I fling words like cunt around like they were nothing. But I don't care what the circumstances are... unless that woman is armed with a firm intent on killing you there is NO excuse to hit her. It's so sad because she doesn't think she can do better. I mean what kind of a world are we living in when this type of shit is still happening? How can people be so rotten to each other?

And she said it only happened twice. Am I the only one that thinks it absurd that it happened ONCE! I mean, this girl isn't my favorite person in the world, she's a little annoying sometimes, and somewhat selfish, but she doesn't deserve to get hit. Am I being nosy in being concerned about this?

wrong, wrong , wrong. Submissive chicks are not cool, they're just stupid. I mean, where's the challenge in that? Those who feel they need to dominate another human being for any reason have some issues they need to work through before getting into a relationship.

Lio, I sympathize with you, but there's other fish in the sea. If she's the one, she'll be back.

Yeah, fuck her if she's not down with receiving the Lio Convoy baloney pony into her stable. It's okay if she talks to other guys, but it's not okay if she's not giving you some simultaneous lovin'. Understand? And like Spo said, just ship the bitch out east somewhere if she doesn't want to cooperate. Out there, they have to submit to a man's need because their religion says so. Yeah. Bitches.

This will be odd to hear, but I actually decided to stay in the friend column with WeezerChick. This is for several reasons, though the big one is that I still don't know what she thinks about me. However, she seems really set on moving at the end of the year, and I wouldn't want to get all attached and then have to just drop it. And even though I'd like to say I'm tolerant of it, it bothers me to watch someone I know smoke. I like it much more when they disappear outside for a half hour and come back in all wacky. So, I figure I'll just chill with her because she is a cool, fun person. Not to mention that friend of hers who was fucking with Caniprokis is a really cool guy despite coming off as an asshole at first. Hehe. "Wait, wait... After all that macho stuff, you like Train?" =)

I'd just like to mention that the Beatnuts and Tenacious D kick hella ass. That is all.

Lio, my advice is to ask her out right now. The longer you're in the friend with no penis role the less and less chance you'll have of hooking up with her. Ask her out and see what happens. Refuse to fall into that role, be a man! That was her testing the waters to see if you'll go along with being the cockless friend, and you fell right into it! Ask her out, ask her out with confidence, and if she says no shove her into a box and ship the box to Afganistan. Over there if you're a cocktease they cut your arms off or something like that.

"The problem with secret crushes: in the absence of requital, the love turns bitter." -Paul Monette, Becoming a Man.

"Anyone who says they're fine with being friends, when they want more, is a fucking liar." -J. Wilson Lastname

"It's fine to be friends with who ever you want, but as soon as one person wants more it's a fucking bitch and it's just going to fuck things up in the end, and all that shit." -J. Wilson Lastname

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never." -Charles Caleb Colton

1212 Out. (1212 is not at war.)

Ain't it funny how life has a way of kickin' ya balls sometimes? Case in point. Melanie. I'd recently given up most hope that we could be together. But there's always that little hope. So I don't completely ditch her. So we're having a delightful lunch yesterday when her phone rings. It's her best friend from florida. Quite apparently he's harbored a crush on her for some time and is tired of her talking to other guys. I can relate to this poor bastard. I mean, not only do I have a crush on Melanie, but I've often been put in the position of being madly in love with a woman who considers you her "best friend" (Red or DemonQueen anyone?). Anyway, he basically ends their friendship right there during our lunch.

Believe it or not... this didn't really effect our lunch. We had a delightful time. Then we went shopping at some of the shops around town. At that point, she snuggles up against my arm and says "Will you be my new best friend?" GODDAMMIT! "Of course" I replied. She goes "You won't leave me if I talk to other boys?" FUCK! "No, I won't ask my friend [Red] I'm very persistant when it comes to that sort of thing".

So, in recap, I've been relegated to cockless friend status. A role which I'm apparently oh so good at given the amount of times it's been thrust upon me. Fuck it, good night all.

That isn't very positive. Where's the confidence I told you to have? Where's the optimism. Haven't I told you people before? If I haven't, let me tell you now, girls are an emotional confused mess ESPECIALLY after a breakup. I'm going to hope for the best for you, Lio, and say that maybe she's just confused and such. Speaking from personal expereince, after breaking up from a LONG relationship, random hookups seemed like a good idea. I mean, no chance of getting hurt. You do that for a month and it gets old real fast. You realize all the things that are good about a relationship -- being able to count on someone, falling asleep with someone, hearing about someone's day, telling them about yours, all the little things that make a relationship so nice and worthwhile. She'll remember those things and want them with someone else. If you've been patient with her and there for her, she'll want them with you. That's how my brain works anyhow. That's why Wilson had to put up with me talking about my ex and such for a little while. He still stood by my and never gave up on me and it paid off. I'm happy. He's happy. You just need to be patient my dear Lio. Girls are funny people. They're not rational. (But you guys aren't always rational either!) Be patient, don't give up at the first sign of trouble. If you want her to know that you'd be a good boyfriend, start off by being a good friend. Listen to her stupid stories, try not to be too critical. It's a sensitive time. Girls are too emotional to be useful sometimes. This may be one of those times. Patience. If she's worth having, then show her.

1212 Out.

Well... As some of you may have guessed from my entry "Fuck", my luck with Melanie did not exactly go splendidly... A couple days ago, we were talking and she up and starts talking about her ex. Ok... I can take that. Then she started talking about how much she was still in love with him. Ouch. But it was ok. She said she was moving on. Ok cool... Well, until I found out that moving on meant making out with two guys this week. GAAAAAHHH... I'm sorry! Did this dagger belong to you Melanie! I found it buried in my HEART!

Meh... I mean. This information is horrible. Not only does it show she has no interest in me, but it shows me that she doesn't even want anything long lasting. It's like the best thing I could hope for from her is a random hook up. And that's not the way I want her. I want to take her places. I want to do things with her. I want a relationship. I want to do things that couples do. I want argue about stupid shit. I want to wake up next to her and watch her sleep. But that's not going to happen. No matter how badly I want it to happen, it just won't.

So ya know, whatever. I can go back to scavenging skeezy hos... she can go back to drunken sex with frat boys, and life can resume as usual... the way it was meant to be.

FUCK!

What is the problem? She broke up with her boyfriend. She is single. I don't see a problem.

If it was a shitty break up, you get to be the one to restore her faith in men. It's not a bad position at all. You get to be the one to do all the nice things that her boyfriend didn't do. Then once you've done the dating thing for a while, she'll fall for you. Of course. And then you will be together.

What's the problem?