You know, I really hate people. Not ALL people. Just certain types of people. I think this is going to be the first rant I've ever written that isn't a response to someone else's post, but I just feel the urge to complain about things.

I like feeling good. 90% of the year, I feel totally great both physically and mentally and things are good. I think the worst illness I've ever had was bronchitis last winter (which was miserable, especially working at that damn gas station). So, being a person who's in generally good health all the time, I hate it when I even get the slightest headache or tickle in my throat.

My roomate/friend Kaioto (I'll use an alias for him) ended up living with a bunch of sophomores this year (I'm a junior, in case anyone doesn't know), and it's really not all that bad. They're all good kids (none of them even come close to the level of assholishness that I pride myself upon), they don't steal, and everyone generally has a good time. I should probably explain the room situation a little. We live in an 8 man suite, and it's pretty nice. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a decent sized living room, and a small mini-kitchen (minus a stove). Plus, it's the handicapped accessible room, so everything's big enough to accommodate wheelchairs if the school suddenly has a huge amount of cripples getting accepted.

So, as can be expected, when one of the eight of us gets sick, the germs are eventually going to make their rounds to all of us over a period of a month or so. Last month, one of the sophomores (let's call him Pot Head) had bronchitis or something of the like. While I know that this in itself is not contagious, the germs can cause colds in other people, which it did to everyone else, turning the room into a giant quarantine shelter. Eventually, we all got better without the aid of prescription drugs.

What bugs me, however, is that Pot Head never went to health services to get some antibiotics to kill whatever he had, so he's been carrying the fucking dormant germs in him for the past month, and now it's starting to flare up again. Pot Head is getting sick (with a nasty cough), I've felt like shit since Saturday, and one of our other roommates (let's call him Greasy Hispanic) has barely been able to move all day. The solution is simple. I can't understand why this drug addict Pot Head can't get his sorry fucking ass out of bed BEFORE health services closes (at like 4:30pm) in order to get himself some drugs. I mean, if he likes being sick, that's fine with me. But when you're living in close quarters with EIGHT OTHER GUYS, then you should have the common decency to get yourself better so you're not infencting everyone else. Anyway, I have to go to work at the god damn library now. Fuck everyone.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...SO IT SHALL BE!

Anyway, okay. Maybe I overreacted. But I still think that a more appropriate way to take care of the one-line posts is to eliminate the people who CONSTANTLY make them. My old friend, hunch, immediately comes to mind.

But thank you, Pappy, for telling me that my posts are of high quality. I'll try to continue to do so. But still, you need to relax a little about the whole thing. Just let people post what they want to post. And if they consistently post crap, like hunch does, then boot them the hell off. It's not worth the time giving everything a "quality" rating.

While I am honored to accept the position of Most Hated Poster recently bestowed upon me by Calliander, my predecessor and good friend, I have a few issues as well. So, I will speak to all of you as the person that I am, not as the character named "Gatekeeper of The Dark Side." You all deserve the respect of hearing me speak to you as a human being, and not in the third person.

While I have enjoyed my time here with all of you, being able to act as a larger than life character that really can't exist in reality, I refuse to be part of any message board (or whatever this is) that will not allow me to speak my mind, that will censor me in any manner, or that will impose "rules" upon my ideas and opinions. And this doesn't only apply to computer boards. This is how I operate in real life. I'm open, I'm honest, sometimes I'm blunt, and quite often I'm an "asshole." But expect from me nothing but honesty and truth. When my ability to be such is stepped on, don't expect me to stick around.

Thank you all, you've been a wonderful audience. Most of you know how to contact me, so please do so if you want to chat. For those of you that don't know how to contact me, I'll be honest again. I don't care.

This now officially ends my posting on Insult.org. My presence will not be felt here again, whether you care or not. And Pappy, maybe if all of your posters drop off, you'll reconsider your position on things. But, I'll be honest again, I don't care. And now I'm done being myself.

The Gatekeeper of The Dark Side will one day control this miserable planet earth, and will harvest the souls of all who try to silence people's opinions and feelings. This is The Gatekeeper's word. This is The Gatekeeper's promise. Farewell, humans.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh." - Janus "Magus" Zeal (Chrono Trigger)

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...SO IT SHALL BE!

No, Pappy, in all of my experience, I've never gotten myself chafed from doing a pillow. Of course, you and me share something in common down there that I don't want to broadcast to the whole world. We used to talk about it in high school, so think hard and you'll remember. It's that extra protection that allows us to not be chafed. :)

Anyway, I also learned how to masturbate early. I don't know why. I think I was 11. But, nobody ever explained it to me, so I didn't know anything about doing it with my hand until I was about 13 or so. So, guess what, I learned on my pillow first.

Anyway, try it if you get drunk enough. You don't need your hands at all, so you should be fine, Pappy.

You know, Wilson could probably be right. Having a hot young girl dying to get in your pants just sounds too good to be true. I'm not saying that you're not a nice guy who girls would have an interest in, it just seems a little fishy. How in the fuck would she get your number at work unless you A)told her you worked there or B)she's plugging your friends for information.

Anyway, Calliander, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe your story for the time being. But also, there's ALWAYS a way out of situations like this. If you don't want to try my previously mentioned "fuck off" approach, then get nasty. :) Call her parents! Or better yet, call the cops and tell them that she's stalking you. Actually, if she IS stalking you, you'd better find out quick, because situations like that never end up good. Just don't touch her or talk to her or anything so she can't turn around and say that you raped her or something. Poop.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!

Okay, apparently I've succeeded in getting all the idiots all riled up. hunch, it's time for you to have a one-on-one with The Gatekeeper. First of all, I don't need your help. Pappy is not making Insult "gay", to put it in your colorful language. I was merely expressing the concerns of myself and other Insult authors in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner? Do you know how to be constructive? I don't think so.

Second, I will personally not allow this forum to be turned into a gay bashing message board. Let's just call this a touchy issue for myself since a former friend of mine decided to start some nasty rumors about me at a point in time not too long ago. By your tone, it looks like you need to grow up a little bit an experience some of the world outside of Branford, Connecticut. I pity you, boy. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say that you've never known gay people. Being in college, I've had the chance to meet people of all different races/colors/religions/sexual preferences. And I've known gay people even before I went to college. So, let me clue you in on a little bit of life. We all smile, we all cry, we all bleed, we all die. We're all human, and we all deserve a little bit of respect no matter who we are. No group should get ANY special treatment for anything. Sadly, though, true equality will never be reached in our short lifetimes.

Third, yeah, a gay person would probably cry if they had to kill someone. Any poster on this board would probably cry (or be seriously disturbed in some other manner) if they had to take a human life. This includes you, my young friend. If you tell me now that you'd be able to kill someone and not care, you'll be a liar in my book, and probably in the book of several other authors in this forum as well. One of these days, hunch, you'll hopefully leave the stagnant, vile environment of Branford, Connecticut and see what the real world is like. And if you don't, then I truly pity you. That's enough.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!

All you guys need to calm down and relax.

1. Calliander - Stop chasing after every damn girl you meet. You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak after heartbreak doing this. If you're not happy being single for a while, then, well, I don't know what to tell you.
2. Caniprokis - Shut the fuck up. And you don't like football.
3. Lio - Please, do yourself a favor and lose all the weight for yourself. The age where people like us have to be pissed at the entire world is OVER. Don't revert back to the Lio that I knew in high school. The women you dated, especially the Satanic Demon Bitch, were never worth your time. You settled for less than you deserved, and you paid for it with your testicles. Use this weight loss as a chance to start again. Don't use it as a means for revenge. Use it to find the person that's actually out there for you.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!

"but what if there is a god?(in a winy fucking anoying voice) fuck him if you ask me, if i die and im stading there at the pearly gates..."

This lovely quote came from Caniprokis a few posts ago. Now, I don't want to get into this religious battle with all of you. As the Atkins-empowered Lio has said, it's a pointless debate. We won't find out what's what until we die, and even then we probably won't know. Safe to say, it's not worth worrying about now. Live your lives the way you choose to. With religion or without. Whatever makes you happy, do that, only without forcing your beliefs onto anyone else. Nobody here is doing that, and that's great. Nobody's right, nobody's wrong. You know why? Because nobody knows.

And Caniprokis, to respond to your quote, if there IS a God, and you face him after death, you're not going to tell him to go fuck himself. If a being that powerful exists, you're going to shit yourself, rather violently, like any of us lowly humans would.

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!

Pappy, you're a God. I like the last one about the safes the best. I'll have to try that the next time I go into Staples.

...a certified CARDIOLOGIST who's been on his own diet for over THIRTY YEARS, and he's still alive and kicking, well into his old age. Lio, are you going to listen to people tell you that this isn't healthy, or are you going to trust the words of a real DOCTOR?

This diet works. You saw me over winter break. I started this diet about one year ago, and I lost anywhere between 60-70 pounds from February to the end of August. And you know what? It feels fucking good. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, I haven't felt better in my life. If people are giving you a hard time and you want to shut them up, go have some blood work done in about 6 months. When you get the results, point to where it shows your cholesterol and triglyceride counts are LOWER than they were before, and they'll shut up. Fast.

As long as you're doing this diet with the book in hand, you'll be fine. Make sure you read the whole thing. And trust me, the cravings will stop. As soon as you see the weight start to drop (and since you're a week into it, that'll start happening VERY soon), you won't want to touch another cookie in your life.

And yes, being a fat man in society sucks. But Lio, do yourself one favor. Make sure you're doing this for YOU. Not for society. If this is what YOU want to do, then do it. It'll be a big change, and you can always look to me for any support that you need. With that said...

...So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!