Now everyone spell with me, O-L-D.
Alright. Now for Beanisms part 738:
"Do you take Visa here? Oh great. I'll have the tuna melt, and a Coke. What? Oh it comes with coleslaw? Ugh, no thanks. Can I get a salad instead? Great, blue cheese."
What is this, silk? It's beautiful!
Why do the beautiful always die so young? I never knew MacGuyver, but I could tell he was the kind of guy who would make everyone smile the second he entered a room. He was the kind of guy who didn't mind sharing his happiness with anyone. He also seemed like a guy who made everyone feel comfortable and relaxed when he was around. It's very sad to know he has passed away. =(
On another note, my advanced computer aging systems have taken many complaints from the populace. Apparently, a large percentage of the people think that Christina Aguilera needs to gain some weight. My advanced computer aging system has rendered a picture of her with a significant amount of extra pounds, to prove to these people that she looks fine as is:
Shut up. Mike I don't want to hear about your gook hatred, even if you were crippled by them. As one of the only African Americans to serve with the V.C., I take offense to your comments. Those Viet Cong boys were some of the finest ever to serve.
It all started in 1967. After flunking out of Clown College, the man drafted me into the service. Only problem was the plane lost engine power over Hanoi... We crash landed in the bush. Everyone was dead accept for me... I was blinded. That's when an old Japanese man, don't ask me what he was doing in Vietnam, and he taught me the art of blind fighting, and iajutsu, an ancient sword martial art. After that I was found by the V.C. They took me in, gave me food and shelter... and it was good. Sundays were my favorite while living amongst the Viet Cong, we'd have brunch and tea, while picking off crackers like you honkies. They were happy times.
Until one day we came up against Caniprokis. Yeah, he killed 39 of my men sure... but did he bother to tell you the whole story? One day Caniprokis strayed from his platoon to take a leak and got stranded. My men tried to help him but he started machine gunning us all down. He indeed machine gunned down 27 of my men, and then killed the other twelve with his bare hands. Sounds impressive right? Wrong, most of my men were parapelegic 5 year olds armed with sticks! Way to be a macho American... BABY KILLER!
It was down to the two of us. I looked Caniprokis in the eye. He looked me in the eye. He made a lunge at me and I kicked him square in the nuts, then side stepped and gave him a wedgie. That being done i threw him to the ground where he lie face down in the mud with a case of cloth burn on his as crack. Score one for Charlie!
Shaddup Calliander. You sat on your ass polishing your wooden leg while Sean spent the days cleaning his GUN.
Yes, I am a paraplegic. Yes, I am colour blind. You know how I got this way? The gooks did it.
I now spend my days self-medicating with PCP and crack.
Also, on a side note.. I would like to point out that my friend Caniprokis is one hell of a gook spotter. He can identify the correct nationality of any asian in a fraction of a second from ANY distance. He is actually currently working on the asian identification kit.
And dammit, Caniprokis, you weren't in Danang! Hehe.
Say there was this particular person...and this particular person was constantly up the ass of this other particular person, and this first person would contact friends in other states and cities of that second person in order to monitor where and when they went everywhere..do you think that that would become annoying? And, when contacting these other people in other cities and and states, the first person would cause those other people to worry because the person would be mentioned as in trouble or missing...now here is where this behavior becomes a problem.
That being said, it is not normal to play leggos at a restaurant.
Hope everyone has fun with the easter bunny this weekend. later.
Oh, her name began with an "S". Man, what was it... oh yeah, Some Slut!
It has been remarked to me on several occasions that I am funny and make people laugh. It is usually laughing at me however. That has never bothered me. It is actually sorta nice. I mean.. if I open a bottle of beer and it starts foaming from teh top.. I will put my mouth over it to not spill.
That apparantly is hilarious to watch. So, picture me sucking on a beer bottle waiting for it to stop foaming. It keeps foaming and foaming. So now I decide to just drink. It tastes a little sweet, but is still foaming like I have never seen. I then look in the bottle and see there are chunks of something floating around in there. Yeck. So I am horribly discusted and throw it away.
Everyone who saw this thought it was so hilarious. And to me I just wanted to rinse my mouth out. I was angry because it should have been a perfectly good beer.
Anyway, that is just one example. I often do things that people think is hilarious. So people will say to me "You're so funny".
I don't know what hte point of this was... except beer shouldn't ever go bad, thats just plain wrong.
Holy shit, Calliander.
I didn't think your sister was that bad. My god! The last time I saw her, which was something like a month or two ago, she was only half that size. Its like she swallowed several people in that time. My god. How many tangerines with ham has she been eating?! That is insane! Are you sure that she's not just pregnant with several children and growing them out on the sides? Damn. Thats not right.