DAMMIT WOMAN, YOU DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT THE HIGHLANDER!!!! It is a magical journey through the centuries featuring the greatest man ever to live, SEAN EFFIN' CONNERY... the only man besides Bruce Lee ever known to defeat Chuck Norris in single combat. Don't ask me how, all I know is that it involves time travel and Chuck Norris' mom. Seriously, your smack talk of Highlander is grounds for divorce. In its defense, Highlander was there way before you, and it will be there long after you.
I did not make fun of Sean Connery in Highlander. Well, ok, I did, but it's not like I was singling him out. I made fun of every character in every scene. That movie was a piece of crap, surpassed only by the crappy sequel. But it was even GOOD laughable crap. I felt like I was told "Go in this room, there's lots a treasure!!!" but when I got there the treasure was a giant pile of crap that I still can't get off my shoes.
Yeah, Highlander is the shiznit. Only in that movie can you have a Swiss dude playing a Scot, a Scot playing an Egyptian/Spaniard, and an American playing a Russian, none of them using the correct accents! I had Jocelyn watch it the other day and she made fun of Sean Connery. I almost had to channel my inner Connery and smack her in her smart mouth. Then she stated Highlander did not deserve the Oscar for best movie of all time. Girls are stupid.
At last I have my own Adebisi figure, he can now rape my other GI Joes.
Started stocking up for the birthday bash on August 1st... I've decided to buy the booze for my $240 jungle juice in piece meal. Got the vodka and 151 rum this week... check out the rest of the recipe... It goes down like kool-aid, but has the impact of three beers per cup!
Yeah then I'd take that one ring and put it on my middle finger and flip everyone off with it...
I'm thinking it's time for another one... Anybody wanna second this? I can hold it at my place, it's a nice halfway point between Branford and Boston. Maybe some of my Branford heads can smuggle me up a pizza that doesn't suck asshole?
So I read that article Devlin... As much as I support personal redress of greivances, these guys are a bunch of queers. "Oh, we wanna be superheroes but we'd get our asses beaten in a straight up fight, so I'm gonna stitch a costume together and hand out fliers" Jesus, this is what it would be like if I decided to become a superhero. "Ya know, superheroes are super cool, but I don't want to stop jamming donuts in my face, so instead of fighting or killing actual criminals, I'll go be essentially a birthday clown at a homeless childrens shelter". These tools are like the goddamn Mystery Men. Comic book characters have the right to wear queer costumes because they either have super powers or can beat the shit out of anyone that starts shit with them, and leave us not forget that superheroes fight supervillains. If you're gonna be a real life quasi legal superhero, you gotta be more like Charlie Bronson in Death Wish. He was like 50 years old in that movie, while he was a tough old dude, he wasn't going to kung fu fight with the young perps. He just capped them, and walked away. These A-holes have seen too many comic book movies... Mr. Xtreme? Are you kidding me? What, did he hop in his time machine back in 1993, when that word was cool in some circles, to save us in the present day? And leave us not forget Mr. Ravenblade, of who was quoted as: "'I literally stepped into a woman's attempted rape/mugging,' Mr. Ravenblade said. While details were lost in the fog of the fight, he remembers this much: 'I did what I could,' he said, adding that he stopped the crime and broke no laws. '" Translation: MR RAVENBLADE GOT HIS ASS KICKED AND THE CRIMINAL RAN AWAY BEFORE MR RAVENBLADE'S BITCHLIKE CRIES GARNERED THE ATTENTION OF POLICE. No offense Calliander but this guy's story is flimsier than your little ditty about the time you punched a racist. I urge you all to read this story and get a hardy chuckle.
What else to I feel like ranting about? Oh yeah! The Writer's Guild Strike! Now, you may be saying "Lio, that ended last summer, surely you are confused!" No, and I'll tell you why, those fuck job writers were on strike during the time in which summer movies are written, er go, the strike last summer destroyed this summer's popcorn movie season. We're just starting June and I've already seen every summer movie I have any remote interest in seeing... TWICE! Now you may also be saying, "Lio, surely you jest... you have such a creepy addiction to toys that you must be excited for Transformers 2 and GI Joe." FUCK THAT, I say! I've railed about how much cock the GI Joe movie will suck here on this very website, and I just keep finding out more things that I hate. Aside from Marlon Wayans playing a Native American, GI Joe the Real American Hero is now a UN Task force (when was the last time the UN did anything as decisive as putting together a strike team like GI Joe.), and the fact that this cinematic abortion is being helmed by the man who brought us the wonder that is Van Helsing; I just found out this little nugget. Storm Shadow, Cobra's Japanese ninja, is being played by a Korean. That in and of itself is not bad, most of the brain dead boobs who are going to see this movie couldn't tell a Japanese guy from a Scotsman (although one character who is a Scotsman that on the cartooon sounded like he was voiced by a 12 ft tall black man, is actually being played by a Scot)... what is bad is that they've changed the roll of Storm Shadow to be Korean. KOREA DOESN'T HAVE ANY NINJAS! IT'S A STRICTLY JAPANESE TRADITION!!!! At least I get to see Adebisi wield a minigun. Then there's Transformers 2... yeah... I want to watch a bunch of blurry ass fight scenes of robots that look like a bunch of Bionicles that were put together by a retarded 3 year old. FML. At least I get Iron Man 2 next year...
Well, since you've been on our couch lately and my hair is fucked up, I'm assuming that's to ME. But my teeth are NOT pickle green, they are at worst slightly early-season corn yellow. So fuck you back!!!!