So, as a sales monkey... I hear all manner of stupid rumors about Plasma screen tvs... "They only last 2 years", "The plasmas need to be recharged", and a whole bunch of other bullshit.  So for all you folks out there wondering what the deal with Plasma is I have something to help you.  The following is the only website in the net that tells the truth about plasma.  If someone tells you something about plasmas that at is contrary to this site, they're wrong.

http://truthaboutplasma.dyndns.tv

So, I am currently enjoying my first delightful holiday season in the retail business.  Now, I love my job at bose, even if it isn't my chosen career path, but this shit is starting to burn me out.  I've come to the realization that Ipod is the bane of my existence.  We sell them to go with the SoundDock speaker packages we make.  Never in all of my years of dealing with human beings have I seen one person go up to a salesperson and essentially say "I don't know what this is, I don't know what it does, I have NO idea of the basic principles behind it's operation, but I NEED one, GIVE IT TO ME!!!"  I get the stupidest fucking questions regarding this thing... I swear.  For instance... the Wave music system, an item COMPLETELY unrelated to an ipod, I get questions like "Is this an Ipod?", "Can this be converted to an Ipod", and a myriad of other gems. 

I actually got into a fight with this one dude the other day because he wanted to hook up his Ipod to a Wave.  I explained to him that this could be done but it would require the usage of a special adapter.  To which he asked "If I hook it up that way, is it going to sound as good as a CD" to which I responded, "The sound quality will only be as good as the MP3 you are playing, the connection has nothing to do with it."  At which point this Rhodes Scholar asks me "So, If I hook it up that way, is it going to sound as good as a CD"  I just lost my shit and said "You're comparing apples to oranges, CD's are one of the best sounding audio mediums commercially available right now.  The vast majority of MP3's sound little better than a cell phone.  So, in short answer, yes it might sound like crap, but that is the fault of the MP3, not the connection of the ipod to the system."  That shut him up, and clued me in that I should probably loosen my sphincter a little.

Yeah, another joy I encounter is people trying to pull off ridiculous things in the cheapest (and most incorrect) way possible.  This one couple were trying to do a Home theater system that supplied 2 extra rooms with sound, while still being able to accomplish 5.1 sound in the main room.  Now, that's not EXTREMELY easy to pull off, but with a little effort and a lot of money that can be done, and it has to be done right.  The only way to accomplish EVERYTHING they wanted without burning down their house would be first to get one of our complete Lifestyle systems and then running wire to seperate amps with speakers and remotes.  Now this would allow for 5.1 sound in the main room, and independantly controlled sound and music in the other two rooms.  But these people didn't want to hear anything about that.  No, these geniuses were going to start this undertaking off by buying in wall speakers for their secondary room (what they were planning to run it off of is beyond me).  At a later date they were going to buy a standard 5.1 reciever and then splice the speaker wire running off of the b channel so it would run to two different speakers... but of course, that would not allow for 5.1 surround sound at the same time.  And these people were dissappointed this course of action wasn't possible.  I just felt like grabbing them and saying "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO JURY RIG A FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR SYSTEM OUT OF A BARGAIN BASEMENT SURROUND SOUND SYSTEM WITH BOOGERS AND DUCT TAPE!!!"  Meh... I also get the rocket scientists who think you're going to rig like twelve different rooms of speakers off of a Wave.  Christ people, it's a FRICKIN' clock radio... It's not going to power your entire house... Let me clue you in, if we made an amp that could power all those speakers and could fit in a wave... we wouldn't be making radios...

Whew... now I got all that off my chest I feel much better.  Besides all that pissing and moaning... stuff is pretty cool there, I get to play with a lot of cool shit... and it beats spearing chickens.

Here, here... Count me in man.  It's been way too long since the gang of us got together.  I urge everyone else to come out too... It's the holidays, let's come together, share some figgy pudding and Pabst!

On Saturday, November 13th, Russell Jones aka "Ol' Dirty Bastard" died in the studio.  His music touched me, and many of you in ways that one could only describe as "in the bathing suit area".  I was shocked and hurt when I heard this news.  I wandered the streets for hours... eventually collapsing in a freezing gutter, crying to the heavens: "WHY GOD, WHY!!!  WHY MUST YOU TAKE THE GOOD ONES FROM US!!!" 

I remember the first time I ever saw ol' dirty, it was on MTV news.  He was taking his children and one of his babies mamas to the wellfare office in a limo to pick up a check.  I saw this and thought to myself, "How can I be more like this man?"  I was instantly mezmerized.  Then i heard his tight rhymes, and was hooked from the line "Bitch burned me with the ghanorrhea, well I got the ghanorrhea twice, so the bitch burned me two times actoooally".  It was brilliant... like someone took a crack head off the streets and said "Wanna recording contract?" and that crack head said "Yes, I would like that very much." 

Goodnight sweet prince, may flights of angels take you to your slumber.

See, I'm reading all of this election time goodness... and muckraking and bellyaching... and it all turns my stomach.  This whole thing makes me sick to be an American.  Now... To paraphrase Chris Rock, Anyone who classifies themselves as just a liberal, or just a conservative or just a liberal is a fucking moron.  I've got some shit I'm liberal on, and some shit I'm conservative on.  Abortion?  A-ok.  Execution?  Hang 'em high.  Gay marriage?  Who gives a flying crap, it doesn't effect me.  If they want the right to be legally bound into loveless husks of relationships, god bless 'em.  The only issue I care about is the economy and the job market.  Basically, my political views are whatever is in my best interest... look out for number one. 

So, who did I vote for in the end?  No one.  That's right, the year I decide that I'm going to make a political statement... that I will let my voice as an American be heard... I get these two fuckin' jokers to choose from!  Now, neither candidate encompassed all the political views that were quasi-important to me.  Guess that's because I have my own opinions and don't slap a political lable on myself.  Now, my primary concern... the economy, Bush was handed a nose diving economy in the closing days of the Clinton administration, and only made it worse through mismanagement and sending jobs to foreign country while college graduates were forced to get jobs at McDonalds.  But on the otherhand we have Kerry... This man's a millionaire!  He's gotta have some good ideas on how to turn this bungle job into gold!  What's that?  He made his fortune by marriages to rich women?  Fuck.  Well, Well, I have my choice between a moron and a pimp. 

But it's more than just the fact that the candidates were unfit... it's just that both of their campaigns were so distasteful.  See, failing either of the canditates meeting my needs, I was going to vote on who I thought was the most stand up guy, and I'd be able to see that through whoever led the cleanest campaign... but they were both dirty!  Mud flying on both sides... The issues were so obscured by all this bullshit, it was to confusing for the common man to know who stood for what.  Disgraceful

To the Bush camp... Well, you won so there ain't much I can say but Mazeltov, I hope you manage to turn around what you have fucked up, and while your at it, stop trying to co-opt America's fear of Terrorism to settle personal grudges.  To the Kerry camp, cool out.  You lost, by a slim margin, but you still lost.  Go home, lick your wounds and try to manipulate matters to your own ends for the next election, for that's what all this seems to be in the end.  And don't act like it's the end of the world, an administration only lasts 4 years.  People worried about bush banning abortion... That's what they've said about every republican to run since Roe v. Wade.  They said that about G dubs on the last election and he didn't pull it off.  A draft?  Hate to break it to you people, but this ain't 'Nam.  Granted we are still sending troops over, but not in big enough numbers to reinstate the draft.  And there's no way in hell that this conflict could get that big.  Saphire's post is the first I've ever heard of Emergency Powers being granted... But does anyone actually fear this as a possibility?  C'mon, This isn't Attack of the Clones, and he isn't Palpatine.  So long as there are Democrats out there with an axe to grind, that won't happen.  I don't believe Georgie is an evil man... at worst he's a man who's too incompetant to hold the position he's in.  Nice....

"God bless America, but she stole the 'b' from bless."

Well, I can't really say that, as I myself have a freakish obsession with Frank Herbert's Sci Fi masterpiece.  But sometimes, my own kind infuriate me.  Case in point.  I was on ebay today searching for some items I'm always on the lookout for... and what do I find?  THE HOLY GRAIL OF ALL OF MY YEARS OF RPG COLLECTING!!!  A copy of Dune: Chronicles of the Imperium RPG, by Last Unicorn Games. 

A little background info on this book for those who haven't given up interest in this post yet.  In 1999, Last Unicorn games was riding high on it's relatively high profile Star Trek games.  They'd even managed to land the liscense for a Dune RPG, which to it's core audience, would have been an unabashed success.  They got so far in developing the book that they gave out 1000 advanced copies at Origins, the gaming industries biggest trade show.  Enter Wizards of the Coast... the infernal creators of Magic the Gathering... who had just bought out TSR, creators of D&D (Wizards later improved the game by leaps and bounds.).  Now Wizards was developing it's Star Wars game using a new rule system, and bought up Last Unicorn Games, promising to release Star Trek and Dune with this new rule system.  What did Wizards do?  They sold the Star Trek liscense off (probably for a nice chunk of change), and let the rights to the Dune property die.  Why did they do this.  One reason is that the Herberts wanted way too high a price to renew the liscense.  But why didn't they just publish the book as is?  Or just make a quick buck and release it as their own system before the rights collapsed and not publish any extra support for the game?  My personal theory is that Wizards just didn't want any competition for it's Star Wars Game.  Dune, Star Trek, and Star Wars are the three biggest names in Sci Fi.  Those are three games competing for the same audience.  They probably sold the Star Trek rights knowing that it would take whatever publisher got it a year or two to develop a decent game.  And the Herberts probably did want too much money to renew the liscense, so it's resale value to another company was nill.  Long story short... Wizards dashed my dreams of having a roleplaying game based on this magnificent property.

But what about those 1000 advanced copies?  They have become a sought after collector's item by RPG collectors, Sci Fi enthusiaists, and all other types of Geeks.  They're currently averaging from $160-$180 on the secondary market.  And tonight, I found one.  Going bid was $127.  "Alright" I thought to myself "These things are getting increasingly rare.  I have to own one."  So, I bid $200, my entire after bill-time pay check... "No one will pay that much money for a book that has no, and will never have any published support."  The page... "You have been outbid!"  Goddammit... and I realized that there are people out there way more obsessed with Dune than I.  If they're willing to spend $200+ dollars on a book... god bless 'em... but they have my eternal hatred and jealousy.

Alright... seems Insult's been a little dead these past few days, so I'm gonna send out a general discussion topic to you all. If God came down to you tommorrow and said "[Whatever your name is], I'm going to allow you to commit genocide on one group of people." Who would that group of people be?

Personally, I've long held the opinion that my personal favorite group of fuckwads to kill would be vegans. My hatred started back in school when I was working at the dining commons. I'd come into work at 8:00AM on a Sunday with a bastard of hang over, and I'd start flippin' pancakes on the grill. And without fail, at least once a shift, some dick hole Moby wannabe would request a vegan pancake. But it's not just enough for these assholes that we supply them with an animal product free alternative to what we offered, fuck no. No, they would always make me dirty another clean fucking grill, that I'd only have to clean directly afterwards anyway. Why do we accomodate these asspirates?

Not only that, but they are single handedly the most obnoxious group of shitheels in the world. I'll be sitting down ready to enjoy a texas ommelette with a tall glass of milk... and they'll say something to try and gross me out. Like "Eggs are chicken abortions." or "Milk is just cow pus." HAHAHAH... Nice try bitches, but you're talking to the man who once ate a taco boat that Devlin hocked a giant loogie into... you're not going to gross me out. Eggs are delicious... Milk is delicious... fuck you.

I was watching this show one time called "Amish in the City". Now, you all know how I loathe reality television, but I had to watch this based on my life long love of the Amish. In it, 6 amish kids were sent to live with 6 city kids and they lived together in a huge house in the hollywood hills. Now, as is their custom the Amish kids got up at 5:00AM on their first morning in the house, and decided that they were going to throw together a delicious Amish breakfast. Eggs, and bacon and crispy home made french fries... they put out this massive, delicious spread for the city kids as a goodwill gesture to their new friends. What was the response? Blaise to say the least. All except for the one Vegan bitch. She came to the kitchen and was all like, "Oh my god! You used eggs in the blender! You contaminated the blender!" I just wanted to smack her and say "Bitch, sit your as down have french fry, and shut the fuck up."

Do we really need these self righteous cornholes on the planet? All these people ever do is whine and try to force their whackjob opinions on other people. I say kill them all. So tell me Insult, Who do you hate?

Well, had my first week of work at the new job. I don't know if I'll be as comfortable at this job, but I feel that's a good thing. It'll prompt me to move on faster. In my first week on the floor, I moved $10000 in equipment and today I accounted for 50% of our sales... needless to say they like me. I also sold our most expensive home theater set up right infront of my bosses and the training manager for the northeast. They were amazed that I was moving these products this early on. After six months I get access to their job postings for corporate positions, so I think I may go that route. I crunched the numbers today and I'm making only a little bit more than at Caron's. Of course that doesn't include the benefits and sales bonuses so I guess I'll have to wait and see how that all figures in. Regardless, I don't have to spear chickens or fight with little old ladies...

Well, I just started my new job on monday. It seems like a really chill place and my co-workers seem like a real fun bunch of guys. I spent 8 hours yesterday reading company manuals and filling out these assinine worksheets that asked questions that basically amounted to "Sexual Harrassment is bad. True or False" or "Your coworker screams out the word 'nigger' in the store. Do you A.) Pull him aside and calmly explain to him that that was not proper busines conversation. B.) Punch him in the head. C.) Give him a high five." All the fun policy and procedure of working for a major corporation. I don't know, right now it seems like the type of place where I could grow to hate or I could love it... could go either way. But the pay and benefits are good, so that will keep me going. If nothing else it will give me motivation to move higher. See, at Caron's, I wasn't happy with my job, but I didn't hate it. I'd grown complacent. It wasn't good, but it wasn't really bad either. If I like this job, I can stay reap the benefits, and even move into Bose Corporate if I were thus inclined. If I hate it, It will light the fire I need lit under my ass.

On the bright side I get my wheels tommorrow. 97 Jeep Cherokee. Looks like a fun ride... 4 wheel should help me in the snow. I just pray i don't tip the bastard. Also, I'm worried it won't have as much soul as the Smurf Rocket. Ya know? Smurf Rocket was like me. It was big, it wasn't pretty, but it had it where it counted. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Also, this time without wheels has really made me realize how little human contact I have these days. I mean, on sundays we have D&D and a few of us get together. But of course Bill leave this week. I hang out with Logan occasionally, and sometimes spo will make a surprise visit, but that's it really. All saying that I have to get out more. I've been in too long.

Good to see Insult up and running again, Even if it is the same crap ass design. I'm glad to see everyone is doing well. Life's been a fucked up bag of tricks and treats for me lately. My computer finally shit the bed for good, I'm relegated to using daddy's computer. But I got a new job and am getting the fuck out of Caron's. It's a sales job with Bose. Nothing I'm gonna make a career of, but it's not food service, it has full benefits, and tuition reimbursement if I decide to go back to grad school while I'm there. And finally I totalled my beloved Smurf Rocket. Sure it was an old station wagon... but it had soul... and a smurf sitting on the dashboard. RIP Smurf Rocket.