Yeah, I just recently got put into that position of my job. Sometimes I'm the guy that gets calls sent to him when a rep can't handle it. I'm the next step up on the food chain if you will. Most of the time it's some stupid little trivial thing that makes the customer happy that the prior representative has forgotten to offer, because as Calliander stated earlier, I'm smarter than about 75% of the people I work with. And it's nice to do that. But I can really identify with Stone. It's kinda fun and empowering when you get those customers that won't calm down and you can be all like "I'm sorry sir but your stupid/irate rant is going no further up the chain of command, have a nice day." There are times when the customers can be satisfied by reasonable means, and then there are times when you have to lay the cards on the table and say "This is what we offer, you can take it or leave it. You can shop our competitors but you are not going to receive the ridiculous thing you have requested." Every once in a while you get the customer who has made some retarded interpretation of a promotion we've offered, then they get pissed off when you tell them what a sane person would have gleened from the promotion. Those are my favorite, mainly because we get to terminate the conversation per company policy. Then I get to think of them pulling their hair out over a dumbass interpretation of a promotion that was worded by an army of corporate lawyers. Then I get to laugh when I think about them trying to take that shit to arbitration against said army of corporate lawyers, oh the smiles...
You know what I hate? When you're dealing with a customer or client or what have you... and they start bitching at you about the price of a good or service you're providing, or better yet try to haggle. What the hell? This type of shit may benefit you on some back corner market in Marrakesh or some type of product with an extraordinarily high profit margin like a car or a house, but we live in America and the price is the price is the price. My favorite is when I'm a Starbucks or some such shit some A-hole starts flapping his gums to the poor kid behind the counter about the outrageous price of the coffee. C'mon now! First off, do you think that making an ass of yourself to a 17 year old kid is going to change the price of a cup of coffee set by a multi billion dollar corporation? Do you think that yelling at this 17 year old kid is going to make him say "Ya know what? That coffee IS too expensive, I don't think our company realizes that! I'm gonna hop a concord to the company headquarters and let them know!". No, that 17 year old kid is going to laugh at you behind your back and call you a Boner.
Now I work as a customer service rep for a similar multi billion dollar conglomerate, and I run into these jack holes all the time. And it seems that people can't get it through their thick fucking skulls that we can't customize something made to service a consumer base of MILLIONS of people on a one by one personal level. I had one stupid twat the other day who wanted me to change a nationwide advertising campaign because a free predictive program failed to predict something! That's the nature of a predictive system, they aren't perfect, other wise we'd have sold the patent on this AI to the fucking pentagon! Or ya get the ass holes who are all like "Oh, can't ya throw this in there because I'm such a good customer?" No, I can't the system won't let me. Besides what the fuck do I look like, the fucking cable guy who's gonna give you free HBO if you slide me a 20? Go fuck yourself, you'll get what we offer to all our customers... Because all of our customers are good customers.
But it's nowhere near as bad as when I worked retail. I used to work for a high end audio store and I was trying to sell a $4000 home theater system to this douche bag middle age wannabe biker ass hole. I was going through my whole spiel about the system's benefits and all the possibilities it presented. Then this cock holder goes to me, "I've got $3500 cash right now. Deal?" Well, that's nice it doesn't change the fact that the price of the system is still $4000 dollars. And no, I'm not impressed that you ride on the outside your vehicle.
All in all I'd say the old addage of "The customer is always right" has been an excuse for people to be rude, crass, and generally unpleasant for far too long. The customer is entitled the best service that can be provided to them, that does not mean that the customer has the right to be a complete douche bag when that best is not good enough. We live in a free capitalist economy and numbers do the talking. If the issue you're torqued about is worth abusing some poor pawn of the company then the issue will eventually show up in the numbers and be corrected. If it isn't corrected then yelling, cajoling, or rangling with some poor schmuck won't help matters. Go fuck yourself.
So, Calliander just sent me a video from R Kelly... and it's official. Like so many other great R&B artists, R KELLY HAS LOST HIS DAMN MIND. Now when did this happen? I remember the days of such sound track pleasers as Gotham City and I Believe I Can Fly... and he seemed normal. I mean he married Aliyah who was like 15, but I wouldn't call that nuts so much as I would AWESOME. But still a little creepy, then he got caught peeing on a 14 year old. Now that's kinda fucked up that it was with a 14 yr old (was stretching it by saying married sex with a 15 year old was awesome), but as for the peeing, hey we all have our fucked up fetishes.... I wanna bang a pregnant chick. Ya know, hey he got acquitted and had some jokes cracked on him by Dave Chapelle... but he coulda sprung back from that. But no... something snapped in him after that media frenzy. Now all he's doing are these crazy ass hiphoprahs, with such crazy fucking lines, and I quote: "What they eat don't make us shit!"... yeah... indeed. In fact I can't remember the last time what someone else ate made me shit. So without further ado, here are my top five R&B Meltdowns of history.
Jerry Lee Lewis - The Killer here married his 13 year old cousin, out of all the original Sun Recording artists (Elvis, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Roy Orbison... etc), He is the only one still living, thus proving my theory that sex with young women makes you live longer than the average man.
R. Kelly - Peed on a 14 year old girl and then spent years writing weird melodramas about gays in closets with guns... yup...
Chuck Berry - After a life time of being a groundbreaking musician and breaking down racial barriers, ol' Chuck did the only thing left to do... He retired to a life of selling coke and video taping women shitting in his restaurant's bathrooms.
Whitney Houston - She went from being America's sweet heart, to the diva of R&B, to the crack smoking hump toy of the creepiest member of New Edition.
James Brown - The Godfather of Soul, and the Godfather of R&B Meltdowns... This man loved PCP, guns, beating women, PCP, and Jerry Curls.
I gotta side with Pappy on this one. I mean yer sittin' there gettin' yer BJ on and like you realize the drapes are open. But what are you gonna do stop a good old fashioned knob schlopping just to close them? Fuck no, you're gonna concentrate on busting a phat nut in her face! Now what happens when some nerdy cracker spies you gettin' a BJ? Well, you could fuck up your groove and throw covers over yourself and make a mad dash to close the blinds. But that lacks a certain panache. You're other option is to swing that shit with a rockstar flair and give the man thumbs up!
It's like that time when I was just about to put the spurs to that skank Sherri, and but I didn't have any rubbers. Then the next day I decided I need some profos, and who's manning the registers but DJ Bartley. Well, I could have just hidden my eyes sulked out of the store pretending I didn't know DJ. But I just decided to march up on the counter smack those babies down and just be all like "Yup, Buyin' some raincoats." And then I walked out of the store.
Now, I gotta say, I love that this site is so simple that I can view it on my phone's mobile web. It really does brighten my day. I nearly lost my shit in the cafeteria when reading Calliander's post. And yes Calliander, I realize I'd be able to see all my web sites if I had an iPhone, however the iPhone has a very distinct niche market of people who think they're too good for a real phone, but are too stupid to use a real PDA. And what the shit is up with that comercial for the iPhone where that stupid guido's all like "used to carry a phone to make my calls on, a camera, a phone to txt and email on, and an MP3 player" What the shit? Has this stupid asshole not heard of... OH WAIT!!! ANY PHONE MADE IN THE LAST 2 FUCKING YEARS!!!! Christ maybe this butt pirate can borrow a man purse from one of those little fuck job sodomites having a sweet sixteen party.
And I have to side with Calliander when he says "your mom is racist"
Awesome, we've got more of the old guard posting, bad ass. I'm sorry I haven't spoken to anyone since the wedding, when we got back we jumped straight into shopping for a condo, and that's occupying all of our time right now. Now we're putting in the mortgage paperwork, with any luck we'll be moving in early December. I'm glad this came along, posting messages on a Blog/forum format is really the only way I can keep in touch right now. As for Stone's idea of going out to dinner when the holidays roll around is pretty cool. That dinner out for my bachelor party was bad ass, even before I got stripper crotch in my face. Maybe an visit to Outback to pick up a house warming present of Yardley Lavender Hand Soap? I'm down for Holiday dinner.
What is an Insult-esque site without some horrible pornography!
So, I just spent the past 3 hours reading every page of the old Insult.org pages. That's crazy business man. It was literally like taking a time machine back to the early part of the decade, but nothing you could do or say changed the course of events, you can only watch. There are certain posts that make me smile, almost making me teary eyed. I looked at those and remembered simpler times when we didn't have so much going on and the stupidest bull shit what set us off. I saw a post of me getting violently angry at Stone for saying Kid Rock was shitty. Where I was pretty sure he was the future of music as we would know it. Well history proved Stone right, but I still think Kid Rock is the rulez. That man loves shitty beer and cheap women. Then there were the posts I read that were like watching a train you knew was gonna derail. Situations where you read the posts and just think how life would be different today if you'd just handled something a little bit differently. Funnily enough those were all having to do with women. But that's then this is now. I'm just so happy those pages still exist somewhere, it's a truly bittersweet experience. Thanks for putting that link on Calliander.
Yeah, I gotta agree on that with you on that one Calliander, that's some old school bullshit right there. My parents spoiled me lavishly when I was in my teenage years, and you know what I got on my "Sweet Sixteen"? A pool party with my best friends, some kick ass bar-b-que and my favorite relative Uncle Tom visiting me from New York (He was kinda old and had one leg so that was a fucking trek for him). And you know what? I fuckin' loved it! My best gift that year? A beat to shit VHS copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, You remember the one, where Dennis Hopper got into a GODDAMNED chainsaw duel with Leatherface! YEAH! It was the shit.
And what the fuck is with boys having a Sweet Sixteen? What kinda pole smoking poofter boy asks for a Sweet Sixteen? What is there, some surpressed need to be fabulous in todays boys? When I was there age My list of fabulousness went like this:
Granted, I didn't get laid until I was 23 and if I were a bit more fabulous I might have gotten more vagina. But some how that old episode of the Twilight Zone with Burgess Merideth comes to mind. You know the one... Where he has all the time and books in the world, but no glasses to read them.