This is an Entertainment Rant, if you can call what is going on Entertainment. As Wilson said, it's Southwest Week. Tonight was Dispatch and some other bands. Dispatch isn't bad if you like their style of music. The bands they have on before Dispatch and afterwards though, SUCK SHIT. They're awful. It's loud, obnoxious, and hardly qualifies as music.

I didn't so much mind Finding Forrester and Road Trip, but I've had enough. I don't want any more University Funded "fun". It just becomes a lame excuse for jocks to drink more and drink in public and for the gutter whores to put on their backless shirts or tube tops and go out to catch some cum.

My friend Jobn was coming up to see Dispatch. Near 11 I went downstairs to look for him to no avail of course. All I could find were drunken jocks, drunken wannabes (there's a word to bring back!) and drunken frat whores stumbling around looking confused, or flailing around and yelling ("dancing" and "singing along").

Not like I'm going to study, but for what it's worth I have an exam at 10:00 in the morning. Say I wanted to be a good little student, do my studying, and go to bed early, that would be damn near impossible with this noise. Shutting the windows makes the room really unbearably hot and it doesn't block out enough of the noise anyhow. I want to call the cops. "There's a disturbance of the peace in Southwest..."

3 more days of classes, some time for finals, and then a good number of these people will go home. I'll have the university, some nice weather, and a little more peace and quiet. It shall be grand.

Oh, and another thing. They turn off the meters at like 5pm, so if you can get a spot on the road or in the horseshoe (a one way road that goes around the basketball courts and where the shit music is coming from), then you take it. So I was coming home from tutoring and as I was going to turn into the parking lot, I saw a meter spot opening up so I went and took that. All well and good. Now if I want to go get ice cream or drive Wilson home or something, my car is closer than the lot. However, the turn the meters back on at 7 in the morning, so if I don't want to get towed, I'd better get my car back to the lot. Now, I'm not a morning person and the chances of me getting up early to move my car are slightly worse than the chances of the Patriots winning the World Series. (Hit another homerun Lawyer!) I'm not moving my car. So when I went down to look for John at 11, I figured I'd move my car then, right? No dice. There street was littered with drunks and I could hardly drive around. When I got to the exit, I found it only to be blocked up by more drunks and by cops and such. Argh. So I reparked my car and so help me God if it gets towed. People will have to listen to me bitch and it won't be nice.

That's my beef. I am ready for this semester to be over and for summer semester to start. Oh, I think I might have found a place. I'll let you know cause I'm sure you all give a shit.

1212 Out.

So I was in class or something today and I was thinking about something I wanted to post, but I forget what it was.

This summer I have to take a class at UMass. Well, I don't *have* to, but I already registered and let those greedy bastards have $509.00 of MY money, not my dad's (well it will probably end up being my dad's money, but that is hardly the point). What is the point? Oh, right, so I'm taking a class and I've already signed up and all that good stuff, but I have no where to live.

As of right now, this summer I will be homeless. Of course I'm not terribly worried because I still have high hopes that I can find some kind of place for my price range (no more than $250/month). People are desparated to sublet, so if I wait long enough... Anyhow, even if nothing comes up that I can afford, I can always live at home and commute back here. What a bitch that would be though. I didn't like commuting to work that was 2 and a half minutes away. I know I will not like commuting to school if it's 2 and a half hours away!

Why do you care? You don't. It's 2:51 a.m. though. I was sleeping for a while because my stomach hurt and I wanted to vomit. Wilson finally finished his lab reports and I wanted to write something. I'm a little stressed that I have no place to live in 17 days.

My dad is the greatest guy around. Wilson is next. My mom is pretty friggin fantastic as well. I'm a real lucky girl to have two parents that love me and love each other. I'm real lucky to have Wilson too. Just wanted to share that.

Throw in my two cents about meeting people: I can remember names sometimes, but I don't like meeting people cause they usually just turn out to annoy me some way or another! No, I'm just kidding. I like meeting people for academic reasons -- they're in my classes or I am their TA or something. I don't like meeting people on the social scene -- this is where people annoy me.

Wilson says I need to have more friends so that we don't always have to spend time with his friends (Pappy). I don't want any more friends. I have my friends from high school, a few friends here at school that I don't hate yet. I don't want anymore and I don't want to go through the hassel of making more friends. Like I said, people annoy me. None of the people that I have met here measure up to my friends from home and I'm perpetually disappointed, so I'd rather save my time and energy and just go out with Wilson's friends who I do like very much.

Pappy, I love you and if I wasn't with Wilson, I'd be all over you like a dung beetle on dog poop. You know what I mean, big boy? Seriously Pappy, you're a great guy and even though you're mean to me sometimes and have a warped concept of mine and Wilson's relationship at times, and you hate me, I still love you.

Yeah, I hate people sometimes. So annoying, so dumb...the crazy girl in physics, overalls in Stats, the Ass Clown, oh I hate them all.

My favorite part of the day on Monday was when the Ass Clown (physics professor) did a demonstration and made a metal ring fly up into the air and it landed in a bucket of liquid nitrogen and splashed on him. Ha ha. That was funny. I'm not usually a mean spirited person and if he had gotten really hurt, I might have felt bad, but man, it was funny.

I need to go to bed now. Thanks for listening. 1212 Out.

There are so many things that I don't understand in this world. Stone, I agree. I do not understand frisbee or hacky sack for the same reasons you cited. It seems to have no point and only make participants look foolish.

I don't understand why work is not evenly distributed. At the beginning of the semester I had more stuff to do than I could handle. I had homework coming out of my rear end for cripe's sake. Then in the middle somewhere I felt like a UMass English major with nothing to do all day but lay around and play frisbee. Now, nearing the end of the semester, I realize I have so many loose ends to tied up and so much work to do before finals and what not. Why couldn't it have been evenly distributed? Is that really so much to ask? Do the professors get together and gang up on the students planning all midterms and homework assignments to all be due for every class on the same day. I'm sure it's coincidence and there really is no great conspiracy, but a little more even distribution would be nice.

Another thing I don't understand is people that can't let go. One of my dear friends was with a guy for 9 months. This was in high school. They never slept together or anything. He wasn't her first boyfriend. However, it took her, I'd say, a good few YEARS to get over him. She now has a new boyfriend and things are going very well for them. I'm happy for her. I still will never understand what took her so long to get over the other guy.

Along those same lines, I don't understand why people deny that they're not over someone. I mean, everyone can see it, the signs are obvious, why not admit. Why continue to put up a facade that you're "living the single life and loving it?" Why not just admit that you aren't over him, accept that you'll never get back together, and then try to move on through some nice healthy mental therapy. Don't play games, you're not fooling anyone except maybe yourself.

I don't understand people who are gluttons for punishment. Picture this: you're a loser and you have this group of so called friends. Everytime you go out with these friends, they make fun of you an pick on you and such. You try to take it in fun and think they're joking, but deep down you probably know they're not. Why would you continue to spend time with these friends? Why wouldn't you try to find new friends who actually like you and don't see you as a loser? Or why don't you find hobbies that you can enjoy alone, such as masturbating, or knitting? I don't understand people who like to be made fun of and constantly subject themselves to a confidence beating.

There are so many things I may never understand. Like, why all the damn secrecy. What are you trying to hide? I just don't understand.

1212 Out.

So I'm sick of doing homework. I'm ready for the semester to be over. We have 8 more days of classes, but I don't even want to do those. I've been doing my differential equations homework for about a total of 3.5 hours so far. I'm on my 12th page and I have about 5 more pages to go in my estimation! 12 pages of math homework...just a big bunch of letter and symbols that boils down to a line of crap that no one really cares about. I mean, you give me a 2nd order differential equation and I can try to give you the function that it comes from. Big fucking deal. What does that really mean? Nothing. All it means is that I get credit for my homework. Argh! I don't know why I'm complaining about this. This is my major. This stuff is easy to me. At least I don't have to be writing papers which would be far worse in my opinion. I guess it just feels like busy work and I'm not in the mood for busy work at all.

So my roommate is back. That means I don't have the slush space to put my crap all over her side until Monday morning. The reason she came back tonight instead of tomorrow morning is that we have to get up and go to Econ in the morning, at 8 fucking o'clock in the morning and watch a movie. As if I could stay awake at 8 am, you're going to bring me to a lecture hall, make me watch a boring fucking movie about economics and expect me to stay awake? Good luck. I don't want her to be here and I don't want to go to Econ in the morning.

I hate people. They are fucking disgusting. Where is common decency? What would make a person take a bone with some sort of meat on it, wrap it in a kleenex so that the juices and meat or whatever soaks through, and then leave it in a shower stall? I get up yesterday morning and go take a shower only to find a fucking bone with meat of some sort on it in the shower. There was gravy type shit splattered on the walls too. Hello, that's fucking foul. Grow up people.

I want to know what I am doing this summer. It's May 6. We're all done with finals and everything in 19 days. I don't know where I'll be living. I don't know where I'll be working. I haven't got a damn clue about where I'll be next month. Hello?? What is going on?

FlyingTim says I think that we all have grown up some since we all parted ways and went to college, which is a good thing. I think college has taught us that the time we spend apart from each other makes us enjoy the time we spend together all the more enjoyable. That's great.

Funny though because just the other day I was thinking about how my five good friends from high school have all grown up as well, myself included. We all went our separate ways and experienced a different taste of life. I think though, that while we're all better people for what we've been through and what we'll continue to go through, it truly has separated us more than brought us together. We all know that we'll always be there for each other and all that sentimental rhetoric. However, when I get together with my friends from high school, it all seems to superficial. I love them all dearly and I'd be the first to go running if any one of them needed me, don't get me wrong. However, they talk about their lives, of which I don't feel a part, and I have my life, of which they aren't really a big part. My day to day life involves the people at school, and only a select few that truly matter to me. I mean, I interact with people all the time and I see tons of people that I know everyday, but only a few really matter to me -- Wilson really.

I'm not going home this summer so I won't get to spend time with my friends then either. I'm staying here at school (hopefully). At first I was a little saddened that I won't get to see them. Then I thought about it realistically and realized, I probably wouldn't have seen them anyhow. I stayed in my home town last summer. Out of those 5 friends, 1 worked in the oncology dept at a hospital in Boston, 1 worked at a bank in Quincy, 1 worked at a restaurant in W. Bridgewater and a supermarket in W. Bridgewater, 1 worked at a publishing type of place in Whitman, and I don't even know what the other one did. I worked at a law firm in Brockton. You would think that we could have coordinated and gotten together at least a few times? No, I only really saw my friend Ashley. We happened to work about the same hours and we both bored out of our minds and would get together to just chill. I wouldn't get to see any of my friends even if I was home. Sort of sad, don't you think?

College has separated us. Maybe we'll find our way back together again after college. I doubt it though. We'll always be there for each other technically, but I don't think we'll ever be as close as we once were. We have college lives and no matter how hard we try, each of separate college lives won't mesh together with our high school lives. Maybe our post college lives will mesh.

I've changed. I'm not even close to being the person that I was in high school. "I feel so far from where I've been." I don't like to do the things I did in high school -- even just driving around listening to music with my friend Pam. I love Pam and all, but driving around has no interest to me anymore. I don't like the same music -- my ex boyfriend ruined an entire genre of music for me, but it was country music, so it's ok. I don't talk about the same things and the town gossip doesn't interest me at all. I don't care anymore who is sleeping with who or who broke up or who is pregnant. I just don't care. I feel like about 50% of me has died and a new 50% has taken over.

I miss my parents. I've been home only about 3 times this semester. Last semester, I went home a little more often, but still rarely. Last year I went home about every other weekend. I really miss my parents. As much as I like being up here on the weekends and having no worries, being able to chill and do my own thing, I miss having lunch with my dad on Saturdays. I miss pizza on Sunday nights. I even miss my mom bitching at me for sleeping the day away. I just miss my parents. I miss saying goodnight to them every night. I miss being able to watch tv with my dad or sit in the kitchen with my mom. I just miss my parents.

I wish I was 8 years old again. That was a fantastic time in life. School was easy and fun. Friends were the best and it didn't matter if all you ever talked to them about was make believe stuff. There were no cares, no worries. You just had to make sure to brush your teeth and clean behind your ears. You didn't have to worry about paying bills or finding a place to live. You didn't have to think about saving money up so that you can buy medicine. You just didn't have any worries. You had to be in before it got too dark out and you had to dress warm enough so that you didn't catch a cold. You could go swimming at the crack of dawn and not notice that the water was frigid. You could watch cartoons and not pick apart the plot. It was just a much better time in life. I wish I was 8 years old again.

Well thanks for letting me bitch and whine and complain and babble. 1212 Out.

I got something to rant about. I hate childish people who hide behide things such as an AIM screen name.

So say I'm a TA, I give out my phone number and email address so people can contact me. Say my email address happens to be AOL, so now they know my screen name too. I don't care. If people want to message me and ask me questions, that's fine. I'm a nice TA and I'd be more than happy to help. However, having some friend of theirs IM me and bash me is not cool. If you don't like me, don't deal with me. Don't talk to me, don't get help from me, whatever. If you don't like the way I do something, here's a thought: grow the fuck up and tell me in a mature way. Maybe I can fix the problem. Maybe I can't. Either way, anonymously leaving instant messages is weak and childish.

Say you're a fat, dirty, dumpy chick going no where in life. Say you also happen to be my roommate's best friend. You're not hiding behind a screen name, you even give out your real name. However, IMing my boyfriend and claiming to be better looking than me is retarded. What the fuck are you thinking? He's going to say, "yes, you probably are, let me leave the woman I love so I can be with a dumpy ugly whore who's fucked half her town, had one baby already, aborted herself, and who would make me have to deal with a girl who likes to suck cock and her thirty year old boyfriend." Um, no, he'd probably like to tell you to fuck off, but he's better than that. I'm not though, FUCK OFF APRIL. You're childish.

People annoy me sometimes. It's so weak and immature to hide behind screen names and insult people you don't even know. It's weak and immature to not hide behind screen names, but insult people you don't know. Wilson cares about me and he's not going to take the word of some gutter whore over his girlfriend on something he knows about for himself anyhow. What were you trying to accomplish other than make us both think less of you and for me to rant about you? You're a waste of my time.

1212 Out.

Today was yet another beautiful day to be spent in the outdoors laying in the sun, taking in some rays, catching a fwe zzzs. It's another great day to be alive. It was a bit hotter than I like, but I'd take days like this past week over days in December at any chance.

So Wilson and I ventured off campus (took Pappy for a little hostage trip to Wally World and Wings) and then went to Puffer's Pond. Pappy didn't join us there...too much work...work sucks. Anyhow, the pond and the whole area was fucking gorgeous. I had almost lost hope that places like that still existed. Relatively unharmed by people, nature going about its business. There was a waterfall. Oh, it was fantastic. The sound of the rushing water was almost hypnotic. The sight of it was practically breathtaking after living in Southwest which has reeked of horse shit for the past few weeks, this pond and waterfall with their fresh natural spring smell was so nice. Wilson and I stood on a bridge that crosses a little downstream of where the waterfall is. You stand on this bridge and look directly at the waterfall. The wind was blowing a light mist towards us, so refreshing. Its too bad that Pappy didn't make it, I think he would have liked it.

There were lots of college kids playing frisbee and just sitting around. A little too crowded for me, but not too bad. That was the public part, where there is sand and everthing. There were trails all around the pond and then on the other side there were a few kids. A girl I knew and some people I didn't. They were sitting around being all drunk and having fun. This is what life is about folks.

There was a path that went pretty much all around the pond and there were plenty of places to walk off the path and up into the woods and be doing whatever you wanted to be doing -- hitting mad blunts, having sex while getting pine needles lodged in your ass, whatever your thing is. Its just a great place for lots of great, pure things.

Live life, don't let it pass you by. You'll have plenty of time to be old and work. Be young while you can. I sound like a fucking commercial I know. Anyhow, it was a great day, the pond is a fantastic place. Have a good night. Go out. Do someone. Do something. Do anything!

1212 Out.

Today was a fantastic day. I got up at around 9:00, went took a nice cool shower, got dressed, and cleaned the place up. At around noon, Wilson and I went to Pappy's room. Wilson and Pappy needed a herbal remedy for their allergies while I prefer an over the counter drug. Anyhow, then we went and layed on the grass near the campus pond. Let me tell you it was hotter than a dog's ass on a sunny summer afternoon. It reached about 90 at least I think, felt like about 350. I felt like one of the chocolate chip cookies we purchased at the Blue Wall.

We moved to the shade soon and my God, it was fan-friggin-tastic. This is what life should be about. Oh, the amazing feeling of tranquility that I bathed in while snoozing under the shade of a beautiful tree. My words really do it no justice. There was a cool breeze floating through the air, carrying the sweet scent of spring flowers. People were laughing and talking and enjoying the spring. Some were lounging by the pond as well. Some were enjoying a cold brew on a hot day. It was just a great day.

These are more of the days that I thank God I'm alive.

Spending the day with Wilson and Pappy was splendid. I had a far better time than I would have going to classes. Knowledge is a wonderful thing, but there is something to be said for the peace of mind that a little relaxation can bring you.

Go outside. Enjoy the beautiful weather. Make love. Be glad to be alive.

1212 Out.

Computer generated? Why do you say that? That seems like a possible size to me. I mean, my dear Wilson, is that pleasing to me. ;-)

Anyway, I would like to rant about roommates. Back me up on this one. For the most part, having to share a room with someone else sucks. I mean, it's cool having friends and whatever, and even cool to live with them, but you can live in separate bedrooms. A little privacy is a wonderful thing. A curtain just doesn't do it for me.

My roommate is not a bad person, per say. Well, she has her faults that I could bash her for, but I'm sure she could do the same to me. I didn't dump my fiance of three years to fuck his thirty year old best friend, but hey, we all have our faults. I don't go home every weekend to guzzle thirty year old semen from a penis so small that a condom can't stay on. Have you ever used a condom? Them bad boys are tight! This guy ejaculated "with such force" as to propel the condom off his peppy and into his dumpy girlfriend. Sounds to me he overestimated his size and bought condoms that we just too big. Anyway.

She's not a bad person, I just wish I didn't live with her. It's nice to be able to get up at 9:00 in the morning, play with the morning wood and not have to worry that she'll come home and walk in on you. Like I said, a curtain doesn't cut it for blocking out sounds and then mental images. Hey, I understand, I wouldn't want to come home from running and find my roommate enjoying a morning romp with her significant other.

It sucks having to share! You know what I'm saying, right? She's not all bad, I just want to have uninterrupted sex!

That's my beef for now folks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WILSON! I love you baby.

I am asking that anyone who has a problem with me -- something I've said, something I've done, something that has happened as a result of something I said or did, anything somehow related to me that causes problem -- please talk to me about it.

I understand that may be asking a lot since you all don't know me very well, or even at all, but I would really really appreciate it if you talk to me anyway. I think the best way to start to get to know me, is to talk to me. All the better if something can be resolved.

Wilson has a lot of stress in his life, most of which I have inadvertently caused. I am trying to help him not be stressed out. I think it would take away from his stress if he didn't need to be a mediator or a go between for any of you to talk to me.

I'm sorry that anyone was offended by what I posted about my sexual relationship with Wilson. I'm sorry most of all that he was bothered by it. 'Taking it from behind' meant doggie style and I'm sorry that that is too much information. Private life is called private for a reason, sorry I let you all in on that.

I think it's unfortunate that Pappy has chosen not to live with us. Best of luck with your new future roommates. I hope we can still hang out and have fun. I'm not trying to change Pappy's decision.

He would not have been an unwanted third wheel. He would have been a very wanted addition if he had chosed to live with us. He didn't and that is fine. I just wanted to let him/you know if you care, that we did want him to live with us, and not just because he'd be someone paying the rent.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out the way we had wanted.

I'm sorry that I caused such a big problem with what I posted. The thought never even crossed my mind, that people would be offended by what I said and that Pappy would be pressured. The things that I wrote didn't come out right and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry the reaction was what it was and I'm sorry for the consequences that it has caused. I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry that I deleted my post, Pappy. I reacted badly to what people posted after me and I ranted about that. Then, after thinking a bit, I realized that would only add fuel to the fire and not resolve any problems. My post would have only caused more people to be aggrivated. That would cause more people to be mad at me. That would cause more people to talk to Wilson. That would cause stress in his life. For Wilson's sake, I deleted the post. Sorry Pappy.

Also I think it would be best if I didn't post anymore. I didn't mean to cause all the problems that I have caused. I didn't mean for people to tell me that what I was posting was too much information. I didn't mean to upset Wilson by posting what goes on in our bedroom. I didn't mean to pressure Pappy or piss Pappy off in the first place. After we saw the apartment, things we going well. I didn't mean to mess that up by what I posted. I didn't mean for people to react so strongly and sway Pappy's decision (if that did have an impact) against living with me.

I didn't mean to add stress to Wilson's life by causing a chain of events that may possibly lead to him not being able to live off campus. I didn't mean to add stress to Wilson's life in any way. He wanted to live with Pappy off campus since Pappy is his best friend and he wanted to live with me since I am his girlfriend and we live together now. I am sorry that I did things to mess that up.

I am sorry that it is not going to work out. I am sorry for everything. I am sorry if anyone takes any of this wrong.

Thanks for reading.

1212 Out.

I don't know what more to say. I AM SORRY.