Okay, picture this: you're a successful businessman. You're living in a large house you had built for you on three acres of land in a great town, you've got a beautiful wife whom you love and whom loves you more than anyone on Earth, you've got two wonderful children, two very nice cars, and public recognition from your town from donations. There's another person in town like you doing a bit better but gosh darn it, you're happy. Things are going just fine for you.
One day, you make a bad move with some stocks and lose a large sum of money. That's not too bad, right? But you lost it and this guy's laughing at you! Damn, he's annoying and he won't stop laughing! You go to work and it turns out that you've been fired and replaced... by that same guy! Suddenly, you're in debt and you don't have a steady source of income! Not to mention this guy has your old job. So on your way home in one of your nice cars (probably a BMW or a Mercedes), that same damned guy cuts you off in a Toyota Celica and you rearend him! What's going on? So you step out of the car, that guy jays you in the face and drives off in your nice car! So now you're bleeding because he got you good in the nose with a sucker punch. The Toyota won't start so you have to take a taxi home and the driver hits every pothole in the road. When you get home, your nice car is there in the driveway and there's smoke coming out of your kids' bedrooms! What the hell? You go into the house to find that same damned guy fucking your wife on the kitchen counter! And she's loving it! And she tells you she's divorcing you for this guy! Dear lord, could it get any worse? You go to check out what the smoke is about and when you open your kids' doors you see them burning alive! But there's a lot of fire and it starts spreading so you have to run out of the house and that guy gets in one nice car, your wife in the other, and they drive away! As your house is burning to the ground the police and the fire department come and put the fire out. The police take you down to the station because they think you set the fire and put you in a cell! They find your fingerprints on everything somehow and suddenly you're charged with double murder and arson and that guy comes back with your wife and picks you out of a lineup of potential arsonists and murderers and you go to court and get sentenced to die. And when you die you go to hell and there's a million of those guys! ARGGGHHH!!!
I'll bet that's pretty close to what Bobby Valentine is feeling right now. This isn't baseball, it's a fucking circus. The Harlem Globetrotters of baseball only their specialty is fucking everything up in every way possible! Four home runs an inning for every team! Position players pitching in the ninth inning! Come see the bearded lady run the bases! Look at the elephant pitching coach! Woo hoo! Only five dollars admission!
And I paid 67 bucks to go watch them lose on June 23. =(