The Scoop on Smegma
Smegma was first discovered by a Caveman?s mate named Yug-Yug while giving a blowjob. The practice of fellatio was new to these primitive creatures, so smegma never was given much thought. As Yug-Yug pulled back the foreskin of her mate, she discover the horrible stench of a creamy, chunky, off-white goop. She screamed! It smelled worse than she did. Mind you that cunnilingus was not in practice yet since women are much more innovative, and men are USUALLY lazy selfish pigs. But anyway, she continued yelling and scraped it off. The stinky goo gathered on her finger. Suddenly after catching another terrible whiff, she flung the rotten ball of smeg. It flew threw the air in a perfect parabolic arch, and landed on a nearby fish that had just been prepared for dinner. Unknowingly, another caveman named Argh picked up the contaminated fish and greedily shoved it in his mouth. "MMM! FISH SO GOOD!" he said . Argh had discovered tarter sauce! It has been enjoyed ever since! Today the smegma is mixed with mayonnaise to make it less potent and unnoticeable to its fans and consumers! Enjoy the rest of Lent you tarter sauce suckling bastards!
The Arf in Barf
It is evident that if you wish, you can scream as loud as you can. This is usually a voluntary action practiced by young teenage girls in the mall or the movie theater. When you vomit, however, an involuntary sounds echoes from the depths of your belly to create a bellowing bark similar to a seal. A good honk starts with that ?weak cheek? feeling, as if you just blew up 500 balloons consecutively. Then you realize you are going to puke. You run to the nearest john (if you get lucky) and the spitting stage has commenced. You stand there just wanting to get it over with, so you try to speed up the process by spitting into the toilet repetitively and think about that turd floater you spy in the toilet to gross you out even more. Suddenly, without warning the first wave hits you. You keel over and a loud super-burp erupts and calls forth. It sounds like this. ?ERRRRRRRRRPPPPP!? Then comes the good part. A hard flowing stream of liquid gold spews violently forth from your mouth and into the pot. It sounds similar to bad diarrhea, but minus the ?ammo? sounds of machine gun farts. The bark introduces itself either between waves of barf or in the middle of a one wave. It is so loud and can be heard from all rooms of the house, or up three blocks if you are outside. It is an uncontrollable sound, and hurts like hell when you make it! It sounds like this. ?ARRRRF! UGGARRRRRF!(liquid sound) ARF, ARF, ARRRRRRRFFFFFFFF! And the barf cycle is complete! It may repeat a few times, but that is the gist of it all!