I am an English major, to those of you who don't know, so I suppose somewhere along the way you take an interest in the English language itself. Especially a part of it that is near and dear to me, profanity.

Why do profane words exist? Who simulatneously invented these words and then said not to use them? As an English major, I'm starting to realize that I never learn any of the things I want to know. So I'm going to ponder this out loud for a few paragraphs.

When you get right down to it, a 'swear' is nothing more that word used to represent an act, or an object. I'm strictly speaking of profanities, not taking the Lord's name in vane. That makes no sense to me, but I understand it nonetheless. I mean the popular ones, like Fuck and Shit, Ass and Hell, you know, the big boys. You know it's a swear if you can't say it on network television. Let's go deeper.

The word Fuck has come be a very widely used word, covering many emotions and acts, however I'm only to be dealing with it's original connotation, slang for the act of having sex. Now, it's perfectly acceptable to say that you had sex with your wife last night, however it is frowned upon to say that you fucked your wife last night. What is the problem? They both have the same meaning, in that context. Is it because of the act it describes? In 2001, I hardly think that sex is a taboo subject. So why aren't we allowed to say fuck in 'mixed' company?

The same basic thory applies to the others, you can't say shit or people will scowl at you. However, if you say poo, they might just laugh. The word describes the same substance. An ass is nothing more than that thing on the back of you that shit, or poo, if you like that better, comes out of. I ask again, what is the problem? Shouldn't the taboo words be the ones that describe much more vile and reprehensible acts, like Infanticide, Incest, Rape, and pussy farts?

I think that in trying to suppress parts of our vocabulary, certain parts of our culture are only showing their ignorance. Why can't I say "That fucking smells like shit, you asshole?" Because you're not supposed to. That's the best they can do. Why aren't I supposed to? No answer. Bill Clinton had "Oral Sex" with Ms. Lewinsky in the Oval Office. But you can bet that he went around telling his friends that she sucked his dick, and then he shoved a cigar in her twat while he ate her out. But he couldn't have said that on TV. Even if he did admit to it, he would have had to use those politically correct terms.

What a silly country we live in.