It's 9:40 in the morning on Tuesday. My classes were cancelled due to the goddam blizzard we have here. As I found that out, I also found out that it was my responsibility to clear the snow in my elderly neighbor's driveway, so he can get to his doctor's appointment. Now, of course I'll do it. But let me state a few things wrong with how things just shook out. First, if you're going ANYWHERE this morning, you're fucking nuts. Second, you've known about the appointment for weeks, I'll bet, so why wouldn't you tell someone that you need to be out of the house at 8:40 in the morning? So I was woken, rather rudely I might add, to the fact that school was cancelled, so to fill that time and still get some work done, you could go move the 12" of snow. And when you're done, do our driveway, too. God. And it's still snowing. And once my father gets home, I'm going to have to go to my Grandmother's house and do her driveway and walks.
I'm not really complaining. I know it sounds like it, but I'm really sort of just reflecting...Times have changed. I know what you're saying, of course they have. But I mean, really changed. And I can't remember when it happened. And just now reading Levres' post about spring break made me realize it. I've come to realize that I have a boring life. I try to live as chealple as possible. I can never go anywhere, unless the only thing I have to pay for is gas and food. And that's not cause I don't want to, it's because I just can't afford it.
When Wilson, Pappy and I went camping and saw Phish in Maine, it was the summer before we went to UMass. That was easily the best time I've had. I didn't think I could ever be as close to other (male) friends as I had with them. And it was great, because all I had to buy was the ticket to the show, contribute gas money and buy food. We were gone for like six days. Just out on the road. And I wonder if something like that will ever happen again. I wonder if for the rest of my life, I'm just going to be the working schmuck, putting in 60 hours a week so my fat wife can stay home and take care of our 5 children. Will I ever be able to just take off like that again?
I have to move out of my house. If things are going to change, the have to change. I can't tolerate having to explain why I used the bathroom at 1 am. I need to get the fuck out. Then again...I need money to do that. Sometimes I think that if I just had a better paying job I'd be all set, I wouldn't worry anymore. But I like my job, and that's worth a lot. I'm terrified of what the tradeoff would be, would I just pick more problems along with more money?
Thoreau says "Simplify, Simplify..." That's what I need to do.