I have so many things to bitch about and I don't care if what I have to say is valid or not. You don't like what I have to say, fuck off. If you agree, good for you. There are so many people in this world whose opinions I can't give a shit less about. There are only a few people whose perceptions of me actually make a difference and have a possibility of making me change.
So I'm up at school taking a class over summer session. The class is pretty interesting and I have that intense motivation because this is the beginning of the class. I'm sure it will fade. Anyhow, other than the class, I tutor. That's how I make money to buy food and all that stuff. Right now I only work a few hours a week. With only the one class and only a little work, I'm getting bored really fast. There are only a few people up here that I know. One is a guy that was in the math class that I was a TA for. He's really nice and all, but he's got his own friends and 3 other classes to do work for. It isn't really a situation where I could just go hang out with him. The other person that I know is a guy that lived on my floor freshman year. He was in a class with me then. He's the one that told me about the place I'm living. Anyhow, he's nice enough, but I can only take him in small doses. He's very abrasive. I just wouldn't hang out with him either. So, I could make more friends? No, I don't like people in general and I don't like making friends. It's too much effort and I don't like the pay off. That sounds harsh and bitchy, but I don't care. It's the truth. I already have friends that I like and that I value. I'm not about to go and replace them.
Speaking of friends, here's a thought. Some people say that your college friends are the ones that you'll value throughout your life and everything. Frienships made in college can last a life time, etc. I think that's crap. I think high school friends are the ones that really matter. For the most part, I hate all the people I've met at college. My one really good friend from freshman year was the girl who I decided to room with and we are on less than good terms now. Don't get me wrong, I have friends here and people I can turn to, I just don't like most of them. The most important person to me that I didn't know two years ago would be Wilson. But what would happen if Wilson and I broke up? Chances are I'd never talk to him again. Not intionally, I just don't think that Wilson and I will ever break up on good terms. I guess my closest friends at school (other than Wilson) would be his friends and acquaintences -- Pappy, Preacherman, danz0r, Caniprokis, etc. But, can I really call any of them friends? Probably not. How often do I spend any time with them without Wilson? Once and it was a disaster. How often do I confide in them? Rarely. I rant about shit and I don't keep much to myself anymore, but that isn't the same as confiding. How often do they confide in me? Rarely if ever. Most of Wilson's friends won't even talk to me if they have a problem with me. They run to Wilson and ask him to talk to me.
I don't like my friends and I don't like people in general. I have a few good friends from high school and I'm starting to grow away from them. I can always go back to them and we can pick up where we left off but I have decreasing patience for this. Ashley is the closest of my high school friends and sometimes I feel like a very small part of her life. Whatever.
I hate the heat. I like temperatures of high 60s. I like a cool breeze and weather condusive to wearing jeans and a short sleeve shirt. I don't like being hot. I definately don't like sweating. I used to like swimming a lot. I still do, but now I don't like to swim with people which takes some of the fun out it. I'm too fat and I don't like how I look in a bathing suit which is why I don't swim with other people too much. This sucks.
This summer is sucking so far. I don't see Wilson or my friends enough. My friends are all doing their own separate things, so it's not just because I decided to stay at school. Katie went to Venice, and everyone else works a lot. Melissa has Mike and is with him constantly too, so that doesn't help. The only people I want to see are my parents and Wilson. To see my parents requires driving for 5 hours (round trip) which I'll probably do every other weekend or whatever. Seeing Wilson requires driving 3 hours (round trip). I'd see him more often, but I hate his job.
Yeah, so I guess I'll go ahead and rant about it. Wilson doesn't like to talk to me about it cause he's tired of the subject. I'll probably end up pissing you off, but get over it. I think the whole secrecy stuff is bullshit. I don't see what the big deal is or what you're trying so hard to protect. So what if I see stuff. What am I going to do with the knowledge? Absolutely nothing. I'd never have the chance to talk to your clients and tell them how I know something about them. What the fuck is the big deal? Your precious little basement is off limits? Okay, fine. You don't like that I read your contract? What if I was a contracting party? Then I'd have every right and the responsibility to read it. I don't see why you need to protect that either.
Maybe one of my big problems with all your secrecy and privacy is that I don't think its necessary. I worked at a law firm for 2 years. There wasn't this degree of secrecy there. I had access to all the case files. I even helped my boss make graphs for a firm meeting, making those graphs included seeing the firm finances and all that. We worked on real estate files and I had access to more than I needed to know about lots of people, and a lot of people that I knew from my town and what not. I just think you go way overboard with all your secrecy.
Its too bad too, because it's a small issue between me and Wilson. I would go and see him more, but I don't want to put up with the bullshit. When I am there, I would expect that he spend time with me and not work. Its unfortunate that the two have to be mutually exclusive.
I hate my bed here. It sags in the middle and I wake up in so much pain. My back hurts immensely. The showers here suck too. It takes 15 minutes for them to warm up to a temperature that doesn't mate my nipples rock hard. Yeah it's summer (almost) and it's hot, but that doesn't mean I want an ice cold fucking shower.
So people suck and the heat sucks. I want to see Wilson more. I'm pissy. Fuck everyone and everything.
1212 Out.