This week we remember the passing of Curt Cobain, front man of the "Grunge movement", reluctent leader of a culteral revolution felt by many but understood by few. most have moved on, those come and go fans who were "so devastated" by the loss of Curt in 1994 now think of him only as a small part of there growing up. but for some, for the people who took his music, his art, his soul into there hearts, this time serves to revitalize the feelings they had and have about a time in there lives where nothing seemed certain except death.
For me this is the first time i can look back 10 years and see the beginigs of the person i am now having been present. I remember the day i found out, siting in my room listening to Zrock 1300 am they were joking about it and i thought it was a fucked up thing to say. i went and put on mtv and it was Kurt im a fucking tool Loader telling everyone that Curt was gone. then i had to go out and build that white fence in front of my house with my dad right before i had to go to the senior night at st marys, i was in 7th grade but thats what they did there. i had asked the dj to play a nirvana song and the mother fucker refused, i dont think ill ever forget that night. His death inspired me and it crushed me. i became upsessed with the pursuite of music which i am still grateful for, but i also became very depressed for a long time because the man who i felt was voicing my feelings to the world, making how i felt apparent to everyone adults children and alike. was now gone.
I still feel that lose, and i still morn his passing in my own ways. But i think Curt had to go, what he accomplished, what he changed made the world rethink and it made the world accept. and i think he felt he had made too high of a bar for himself, that the fickle fans would soon turn from him and he wouldent be able to handle that, that inevitable change that would have made Nirvana and Curt Cobain just another band and just another rocker junkie front man. his music came from his heart, and it was real and that was the difference between him and the rest of grunge, what he sung about touched him and ment something to him like it ment something to us. it would be arrogant to think that it ment the same things to him as us, but what it ment wasent as important as the fact that it was a feeling, music pulling even tearing feeling out of you that you dident even know you had. a part of me died when he did, but from that an even bigger part of me grew, and it continues to grow everyday and i think will grow untill my death, which is still the only thing i can be certain about.
Peace, Love, Empathy, Curt Cobain.
"I'm not like them, but i can pretend, the sun is gone but i have a light, the day is done but im having fun i think im dumb, Maybe Just Happy"-Dumb
"The finest day that i ever had was when i learned to cry on demand, i love myself im better than you i know its wrong but what can i do, im on a plain i cant complain"-On a Plain
"Im so happy cus today i found my friends there in my head"-Litheum