Um. America has spoken. America has shown that their will is another four years of George W. Bush, Republican leaders and bans on gay marriage. While I would normally be inclined to yell and shout about "the stupidity of the average American," over these sorts of results, there is only one thing that I feel upon viewing the electoral map:

I'm not wanted.

People like myself who realized that voting on terrorism was unmerited, who realized the impending reversal of the Roe v. Wade decision, who realized the poor decisions on the economy, who realized the poor execution of the Iraq war; we're not wanted.

People like us are not needed or wanted in a country where common sense, logical thinking and rationality are shunned for idealogical pandering and a plea to irrational fears.

I was hopeful. I thought Kerry stood a chance. But, the people have spoken. I can't see any reason to continue caring anymore about the direction that America is heading, since my opinion is not of the majority. I'll get over it, but right now it feels as though there is no reason to live. This was a very personal election for me.

I just wanted to thank you guys for being my friends and I hope that you all voted, regardless of who you voted for. I also want to thank the members of my "opposition" who didn't vote on terrorism - at least you voted your heart or your wallet and I appreciate your intelligence. I congratulate the President on legitmizing himself after some major attacks because of the 2000 Florida vote.

Take care, you guys. Thanks for being here.

- Calliander

So i have this office job. i go to work sit in a cube anwser the phone and have some other office duties that i wont really get into. now ive been at this place for about 9 months. i pretty much hate the place, not because customer service fucking sucks (never ever ever ever take a customer service job if you like your life) i mean its better than digging holes or framing houses ni the winter and pays better and i have benifits but.... this fucking place drains all life from people. it makes you compcent, it makes you feel like ill just sit right here and keep getting paid and this will be fine.

when i fist started i wore very nice cloths and shoes and shaved every day and made sure my apearance was the nices i could make it. soon i found that i was not just going to be a cs rep but also i was going to be the running bitch in the office, which i dident mind since it got me out of the cube of hate i live in, but i started interacting with the factory and getting boxes and clibling pallets all of this to hopefully advance my way out of cs. figubug going above and beyond would make that an easy transistion. nono how wrong i was. all it got me was alot more work for the same pay and no chance of advancement in a company that has some of the most severe ceilings in movement i have ever seen.

so i started an experiment, how far could i go before i got spoken to. i dident care about what, my appearance, my work, my attitude anything at all. i started going to work in jeans and sneakers, noone has said anything about this to date 5 months now. i dont do work i dont want to do nothing has ever been said about this, i have even just thrown people folders away because they pissed me off, nothing has ever cme back to me. ive had meeting and told the bosses that i think this place is bullshit, that my manager is a hack that our proceadures are the kind of garbage that belongs deep in space and that i could give a shit about the customers. and what has all this gotton me. MORE FUCKING WORK. not disaplinary action that i so craved but just the oposit more respociblitly and people coming to me for anwsers and desisions.

all i wanted really was to get fired so i could collect unemployment for a little while fuck off and play music. instead im a god damned soot after commidity in my department.....fuck.

This is our new kitty, Siro!

This week we remember the passing of Curt Cobain, front man of the "Grunge movement", reluctent leader of a culteral revolution felt by many but understood by few. most have moved on, those come and go fans who were "so devastated" by the loss of Curt in 1994 now think of him only as a small part of there growing up. but for some, for the people who took his music, his art, his soul into there hearts, this time serves to revitalize the feelings they had and have about a time in there lives where nothing seemed certain except death.

For me this is the first time i can look back 10 years and see the beginigs of the person i am now having been present. I remember the day i found out, siting in my room listening to Zrock 1300 am they were joking about it and i thought it was a fucked up thing to say. i went and put on mtv and it was Kurt im a fucking tool Loader telling everyone that Curt was gone. then i had to go out and build that white fence in front of my house with my dad right before i had to go to the senior night at st marys, i was in 7th grade but thats what they did there. i had asked the dj to play a nirvana song and the mother fucker refused, i dont think ill ever forget that night. His death inspired me and it crushed me. i became upsessed with the pursuite of music which i am still grateful for, but i also became very depressed for a long time because the man who i felt was voicing my feelings to the world, making how i felt apparent to everyone adults children and alike. was now gone.

I still feel that lose, and i still morn his passing in my own ways. But i think Curt had to go, what he accomplished, what he changed made the world rethink and it made the world accept. and i think he felt he had made too high of a bar for himself, that the fickle fans would soon turn from him and he wouldent be able to handle that, that inevitable change that would have made Nirvana and Curt Cobain just another band and just another rocker junkie front man. his music came from his heart, and it was real and that was the difference between him and the rest of grunge, what he sung about touched him and ment something to him like it ment something to us. it would be arrogant to think that it ment the same things to him as us, but what it ment wasent as important as the fact that it was a feeling, music pulling even tearing feeling out of you that you dident even know you had. a part of me died when he did, but from that an even bigger part of me grew, and it continues to grow everyday and i think will grow untill my death, which is still the only thing i can be certain about.

Peace, Love, Empathy, Curt Cobain.

"I'm not like them, but i can pretend, the sun is gone but i have a light, the day is done but im having fun i think im dumb, Maybe Just Happy"-Dumb

"The finest day that i ever had was when i learned to cry on demand, i love myself im better than you i know its wrong but what can i do, im on a plain i cant complain"-On a Plain

"Im so happy cus today i found my friends there in my head"-Litheum

Ess-tone, I think a vacation would be a cool idea. You could go to like, Hawaii, or something and just relax. You could go get some golf lessons there, take island tours, party all night, a bunch of other stuff. And if you plan your itinerary ahead of time, you don't really have to focus on relaxing since you'll be doing all kinds of fun things. You definitely need a vacation since you haven't gone on a real one since '96. Everybody deserves at least a week to themselves every few years, even if some workplaces don't have vacation plans and whatnot. You should look into cool places to stay that are out of the ordinary, too, because then you get a cultural experience in addition to vacationing. Hell, a trip to England would be good for you, man. ;)

I wish we'd all had time to do that road trip thing we were planning way back when. That would have been totally sweet.