Ever since Action Widow started becoming more active in the cosplay community, I have been dwelling on how awesome it would be to have a flame thrower. So much so that I have compiled a list of activities that I think would be rad as fuck with a flame thrower involved. The following are in no particular order.

  1. Skeet shooting- think about it instead of clay pigeons you could use steaks. Then after wards your lawn would be littered with delicious steaks instead of shattered clay.
  2. Snow shoveling- No more strained muscles, no slip and falls, no heart attacks. Just fire ol’ painful on to your drive way and melt away the snow.
  3. Ridding the world of anime fans- The synthetic fibers of their costumes practically turn into napalm when flame hits them… this is God’s work.
  4. Monopoly- Flame throwers can spice this boring game up. “I wanna be the boot.” “I want the doggy!” “IR#8217;m gonna be the FLAMETHROWER!!!”
  5. Hunting- This is efficiency at it’s simplest. Kill the thing WHILE you are cooking it.
  6. Football- Sure you may be fast enough to avoid a tackle, but can you avoid a flame thrower?
  7. Cleaning- This is honestly the only way that I can think of to clean my condo. Burn away any bath tub stains, or at least cover them with scorch marks.
  8. Nascar- Half the viewers are watching to witness a flaming carnage, why not insure that they get that.
  9. Cutting the lawn- fast and efficient… and it gives your grass that lovely black and gray color.
  10. Brew coffee- The world’s first 10 second pot of coffee. Convenient AND tasty.