So a Girl Walks into a Comedy Club…

It’s been a bit since anything happened that I felt was worth bitching about on here. And there’s so much wrong about this that I am delighted to tear this douchebag apart.

It’s pretty much a societal rule that if you heckle a comedian you deserve whatever comes back your way. If I went to see that asshole Nick Di Paolo and shouted at him for saying something racist or conservative, then it’s pretty much his duty to tear me down and make me look like the asshole I am for interrupting his bit. It’s his fucking comedy bit: not Nick Di Paolo featuring stupid commentary from Calliander.

But let’s say you don’t go to comedy shows enough. How would you know not to interrupt the comedian? Oh wait – COMMON FUCKING SENSE tells me that if I’m seeing any kind of performance and I don’t like what I’m seeing then I … GASP … leave! If I buy tickets for a band I really want to see and they just suck, I leave and find a way to get my money back. If I spontaneously decide to go see some unknown band play and it turns out they only cover Journey, well that is my money lost for taking the chance. And that’s what you did, you took a chance:

We saw that Dane Cook, along some other names we didn’t recognize we’re playing, and while we both agree that Cook’s style is not really our taste we were opened-minded about what the others had to offer. And we figured even good ol’ Dane can be funny sometimes, even if it’s not really our thing.

So with those things in mind, let’s go over events here.

So Tosh then starts making some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc. I don’t know why he was so repetitive about it but I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didnt appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”

You felt provoked because you, for one, DON’T find rape jokes funny. Well, good for you but guess what: if you didn’t appreciate the comedian trying to tell you that you should find the jokes funny, you leave. You don’t yell something out. In the paragraph prior to that you spent so much time making sure that everyone knew you were paying your hard-earned money for this comedy show so you’re really trying to justify being a dickhead instead of acting like a normal person and exiting the show.

I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.

No, you did it for the reason I mentioned. This is just further trying to rationalize being disruptive. “Saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman.” So you’re an asshole, and probably a social conservative, since those are the kind of people who justify their having been a jerk (especially in public) with that kind of phrase.

Now in the lobby, I spoke with the girl at the will-call desk, and demanded to see the manager. The manager on duty quickly came out to speak with me, and she was profusely apologetic, and seemed genuinely sorry about what had happened, but of course we received no refund for our tickets, but instead a comped pair of tickets, although she admitted she understood if we never wanted to come back. I can imagine the Laugh Factory doesn’t really have a policy in place for what happens when a woman has to leave in a hurry because the person onstage is hurling violent words about sexual violence at her. Although maybe I’m not the first girl to have that happen to her.

Hmm. Funny how we are suddenly talking about a refund. So not only did you interrupt the comedian, you spoke to the manager. I think I know what’s going on here!

I should probably add that having to basically flee while Tosh was enthusing about how hilarious it would be if I was gang-raped in that small, claustrophic room was pretty viscerally terrifying and threatening all the same, even if the actual scenario was unlikely to take place. The suggestion of it is violent enough and was meant to put me in my place.

I was right! So here’s what ACTUALLY happened. You couldn’t help yourself and heckled the comedian which, as we’ve discussed, is an asshole thing to do. Then, because you’re such a self-entitled moron, you got all butt-hurt when the comedian rightfully heckled you back. You got what you deserved but because you’re too thin-skinned to take what you dish out, you went and cried to the manager about a refund – even though you admitted it’s your bad for taking the risk on the show! And now Tosh has to issue an apology to you because a bunch of other entitled asshats re-blogged your whiny, self-indulgent missive? Could you get any more cloying: “gang-raped in that small, claustrophobic room was pretty viscerally terrifying.” It’s none of those things, but since you feel like such a special snowflake, all the other ones will rally around you. The worst part about all this is what I italicized in the quoted text: you totally know you were in the wrong and you realized he was trying to get you back for fucking with his set. So that means you’re just being vindictive. At least Tosh was trying to be funny, even if you don’t think he succeeded.

Don’t take me for a Tosh.0 fan – his show has some funny points but it’s completely uninspired. His comedy performances turn me off in the same way as Adam Sandler movies – the, “LOOK, LAUGH AT THIS, IT’S FUNNY! I’M TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!”