I’m sorry man, that’s really horrible. I went through something similar a few years ago (my nephew was stillborn) and it was a really surreal/unsettling/fucked up experience. I talked a lot with my brother about it afterwards and I think that helped me deal with it. I kept reminding myself that the baby probably would have had terrible lifelong health problems, and that in a way it might have been a blessing that he wasn’t suffering anymore. If you ever want to talk about it I’m around dude.