I haven’t written in a while.. basically forgot all about insult. My life is busy. My life is good. My life sucks.
I wake up every day at around 5:55am. My fucking alarm is set for 0620h or 0755h depending on what’s going on. But my god damn body will not let me sleep past 0555h undisturbed.
I try to fall back asleep, I should try just getting up at that hour and go for a jog… but no, I lay in bed until 20 minutes before my train departs, take a military shower and get dressed. I catch the 0646h or the 0724h train. It takes under a minute to get to the station. Still not fully awake, I stand at the platform waiting for the never-on-time train. The train is pretty full when I board, so I have to sit in the retarded third chair with a low back… when we get to New Haven most of the shitheads get off the train, so I get myself a window seat.
Sometimes I’m on the laptop, but lately I’ve been listening to tunes on my iPod (or now, iPhone) to Stamford. A lot of fuckers get on the train in Bridgeport, sometimes they smell bad. It sucks when it rains.
The arrival in Stamford is always a clusterfuck. Half the passengers are rushing to get to shuttle buses and they’re all pretty rude New York types. I am going the opposite direction to them, so it’s fighting through the mob to get to the empty street to the office.
Work is fine.. stressful deadlines, lots of meetings, annoying recruiters calling all day trying to recommend morons for the openings on my team.. I leave at 1750h (5:50pm if you’re lazy) for the 1801h train. The station is pretty packed with folks going home, and half the time I don’t get a seat until Bridgeport (the first stop on the express). So I stand near the doorway with the rest of the folks who don’t want to sit between two fucks on the hot train. Most of the people reek of beer and booze. After so many months, I still can’t get over how fucking drunk people can be so early.
But it’s starting to make sense. I should be going to bed at 2100h or so to be up so early. I am not ready to call my life quits and go to bed so soon after arriving home, which is around 1920h. By then I’m starving, not surprising considering the unsatisfying lunch I get each day at 1300h.
Exhausted, I rarely feel like making myself food. So I go out. On a good night I get to spend time with the girlfriend. Other nights I become a step closer to being one of the alcoholics on the evening train.
So, as Caniprokis pointed out last night, I’ve got it good… but I’m fucking stressed out all the time, I can’t figure out how to unwind. I’ve had a headache for over a week now. I feel better bitching about it here… school was like this, which is why I fucking created this site in the first place 9 years ago.
I don’t have any outlets to vent. I’m angry. So I hope I keep ranting, I feel better venting the above already… it’s all stupid shit, and you probably don’t give a fuck, but it’ll probably keep me from kicking the dog tonight.