I'm slowly losing my mind... that's become apparent to some of you over the past few months... but it's really becoming apparent to me now. I think I realize the reason why I've become so unstable... the truth is, I'm a man that has always been defined by his challenges... but what happens when that man has no challenges to meet? I'll tell you what happens... he deteriorates.
See, I've always had some sort of challenge or goal to work forward too... whether that be a degree, or a girl I like, or something that I want. But I don't go to school anymore, I don't have a girl that I like... I don't know what I want. I don't have any of these things that define me. I feel like there is nothing out there, i feel empty. I just have this overwhelming feeling of "Ok, now what?" What do I do. Where do I go... I mean, I'm not limited in my choices... in fact my problem is the exact opposite... My life can go off in about 5000 different directions, but which way do I go?
I don't know... I should be happy that I don't have anything that binds me... but without something that binds me, I just don't know who I am. Some times I just feel so bland. I just want to shake things up... flip the status quo on its ear... in short... change everything. Ah well... change will come soon... job interviews have started to trickle in, and in time some new philly will come in and turn my head and occupy my time... until then, I just gotta sit tight.