(With that low monotonous Detective voice)
I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it.
I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.
Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.
The phone rang and I knew something was wrong. I didn't have a phone. It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she was, 'cause she said so.
I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out and I got in. We took the corner at hundred kilometres per hour,but a cop stopped us and told us to put the corner back.
We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign that said: "Keep Death Off Our Roads". Then we were out of the city. Knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.
As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss. Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again.
She pointed two thirty-eights at me. She also had a gun. She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen - hanging from her left nostril.
She had teeth like the ten commandments - all broken. She also had the most beautiful eyes - so beautiful that the one eye could not stop looking at the other one.
There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed. He was dead. I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be ill".
So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves. Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and hit her on the left breast - breaking three of my fingers.
We had a flat tire, so I pumped and she pumped and I pumped. Then we got out and fixed the flat tire.
Then I took her home and as I was kissing her goodnight, her father opened the door and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.
As I was giving her a final good-night kiss, she closed her legs and broke my nose. Now I am more careful on my assignments.
I thought it was amusing. Maybe it isn't as amusing as I thought. Oh well. Bite me.