Well, Spring Break 2002 has been good so far. Real fun, but unfortunately it looks like it is over for me. I have two projects due right when I get back :(.

I haven't ranted in a while.. I've sort of gone off the site, I don't like dealing with shit, so its easier to ignore it.

The park on a foggy night is awesome. Last Friday was memorable, it truely is one of those nights you can never really forget. Sure, I'll forget the details (already have).. but I'll never forget the way the world looked in that haze, illuminated by the wharf lights and the moon. The temperature was warm enough to be seated on granite. It was nice.

Saturday was quite a wretched day. I was soo soo soo hung over, and I raelly think drinking expired beer was to blame because I didn't have that much. I've had more and been fine. But I wouldn't give up Friday to avoid Saturday. Once I cured my nausea, Stone and I went to see Resident Evil.. I don't know anything about the video game, but the movie was quite good. Milla Jovovich (sp) is HOT and NAKED in the film. Stunning body on that gal..

Today I woke up with a flat tire. I woke up early (before 9am) because I had to go to the optometrist. I took my brother's car to the doctor's.. my vision has improved which is cool. My contact lenses are now -1.00 which brings my vision to a swanky 20/15. I hate the glaucoma test.. I know I don't have glaucoma, and if I do it is already being treated. Anyway.. so I came back and removed my tire.. took it to a tire place (where wils0r's cousin works apparently) and had it fixed.

On a side note, I must say that the family resemblence between wils0r and his cousin is amazing..

This was supposed to be an early night.. as was every other night this week, but nooooo.. I am up. I want to start making up proper names for stupid things. Punctuation should follow. This is the sort of bullshit that keeps me up at night. I gave in, put on The Headphones, turned up the volume, and loaded The Phish. The primary reason is simply because I havent listened to one of their albums in a few months. So tonight it is Farmhouse, a CD that will not function anymore (while it is still Generally Functional) in The Shitmobile. And I load Insult.org up, something I generally only read in the morning (comics).

Calliander.. you're so god damn french and you can't admit it. Shame on you. It's not like you fence or anything, and there do exist French-Americans who bathe regularly. You can't lie behind the stereotypes!

How can you teach basic computing to people over the Internet? That means they need a computer and the Internet to learn it.

I woke up at 9am today (got 2 hours of sleep).. I am forcing myself to wake up at 9 each day in the hopes that i doze off earlier in The Night. I worked pretty well today, I am still a bit behind on things, but I caught up a bit today. The Job is generally a pain in the ass, but for less than likely reasons.

I took off at 4PM and arrived at the gym at quarter past, late of course. I wandered the maze of the old PE building and found my roommate and his girlfriend. Not even ten minutes into my stair climbing (by now, had done over 100 floors @ 14 floors/minute average, which is completely unrealistic since I could never do real flights of stairs like that), I felt overheated.. I was swooning when I made it up the stairs, my hearing replaced by buzzing. I saw some guy and tried my best to ask where the water fountain was, in a volume I hoped was normal. I watched his mouth say "Left, Right, Left, Left". My mind was drawing the words in my mind, it is the only way to remember. Next thing I knew I was gulping ice cold, heavily treated water. I then realized that the last time I worked out was in March 2000. I quickly cooled down and went back downstairs, slowly pushing the pedals on an exercise-bike for a few minutes. My roommate, an exercise science major, made up some sort of free-weight program for the day. In the past, when going to the gym I have always stuck to the machines simply to avoid the embarassment of using light free-weights. The only other folks in the room was the dim kid Dave at the desk, an overly built tiny man in his 30s, and a post-menapausal woman with the most saggy, odd gut I have ever seen. So I am pumping free-weights, quite a bit lighter than what my roommate is doing during his sets, but still too hard for me.

My arms just wanted to stop moving on me, and my hands.. my hands felt locked to the weight, it hurt to open my fingers to let go of the weight. Probably not the wisest decision, but I just ignored it.. maybe I just need to strengthen my hands. About an hour after arriving there, I had a strong case of cotton mouth, and had so little desire to continue. I never got like that before working at a gym. I am going to be sore tomorrow, and worse the next day. Once I got outside into the cool air I felt refreshed and good. I opened my car door, got in, and strained to put my seatbelt on. My arms were so dead. Turning the steering wheel was such hard work. I didn't have the effort to go buy some food to cook up on the George Forman and some other oil for the fryer, the oil that my roommate bought isn't as good for fries as vegetable oil. So when I got home I just made myself chicken tenders, had a nice cold beer, and chilled.

I feel like I may actually doze off if I get in The Bed, so g'nite.

Update! Everything is going well, for me. The financial aid problems that harass me every semester resolved themselves unusually quickly this time around (in a day or two after I started thinking about them, which is weird). Feeling healthy, interested. I'm in a D&D campaign, now, or, well, one adventure into a D&D campaign, which is sweet. It's something I haven't been able to do in the past few years, here. I'm far too lazy, I think, when it comes to most social things- meeting people, remembering their names, that sort of thing.

I'm living with my girlfriend right now, will be for the next 5 weeks, which is a different feeling - it's good, just feels very adult, in an odd way. Classes all seem fine. I feel like I really need to 'buckle down' this semester, if only to prove to myself that I can work at a high level on non-English subjects that I actually care about. I'll see, I guess. I care this semester, I think.

I don't even miss Branford overmuch. I'm taking a handguns class and another sailing class this semester, and both should be good (I may drop one or both, though). I have Fridays off, sort of, Handguns is my only class that day.

Well, that's all.

STO

Ya know... Why does life seem to enjoy kicking you in the balls? I mean, I go and have a wonderful break... I mean good times, saw friends, got closure with the DemonQueen, and I even have a potential girlfriend on the horizon. But then break ends. And I'm here again. Fuck.

The ride back was treacherous. We came home in blizzard conditions. About 25 miles short of reaching Penn State we make a stop at a truck stop. The bus driver gets on the PA and tells us that "the only road going into State College is closed, I've been commanded to come back to Philly. You can stay here at the Truck stop and try to arrange your own ride home, or you can come back to Philly and Greyhound will send you to state college in the morning." Well, I was stranded either way. It was either spend the night in Philly, a shithole where I know no one, or spend the night in a truck stop 25 miles away from school, where I could possibly get a ride home from Red or my roommate Nick. I chose to stay at the truck stop. I got into contact with Nick. He said he could get me at about 9AM the next morning. So, I settled into a little corner of the truckstop, and there I sat for 5 hours. Around midnight the road was cleared and some busses headed to State College came into the truck stop. I managed to hitch a ride with them, and finally got in at about 1AM. And to top it all off... I forgot my keys at home.

My classes seem ok. I have a hebrew history class... doesn't seem too irritating. Marketing classes are marketing classes... same old same old. Of course there is my women's studies class... fucking diversity requirements. I swear... the class is full of feminazis and whiny crybaby sensitive males. We got on the subject of school sports, a subject I honestly don't give a sweet baby's dick about. I swear, this one motherfucker nearly broke into tears when he was talking about how his high school wouldn't let him on the girls badminton team. Geh... I hate this school... sooner I graduate the better.

'Til all are one...

LioConvoy out...

New Years was fun. Stone and I made punch, it was good. Poor Caniprokis and arcee were left with quite a mess tho.

Here is my theory on how to avoid such messes:
As people enter, you take a cash deposit from them. You hand them a marked cup with their name on it. You get your deposit back only if you return your cup to a specified place (the trash, or sink). That still leaves the problem of paper plates and stuff.. well, i dont know what you can do about that without yelling. hunch gave a speel about using the trash can early on in the evening.. didnt work out.

This leads to another topic. The proverb "Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for the rest of his life" (or something like that.. i may have made up that variation). Many people believe it is a proverb out of the old testament for some reason. It is Chinese. I realise that you may find that hard to believe considering the chinese are known for their cheating, but its true.

This leads to yet another topic. The nazis hate jews.. but christians were once jews too.. the old testament is written by jews.. so, what is wrong with this picture.

This leads to another topic too.. why is it that a clean pair of socks can smell like feet? Shouldnt the washing machine make them smell rosey fresh again?

Well, It is Christmas. Its a fun holiday. I was woken up real early tho.. and I don't really believe in taking naps, so I have been up since very early and wont get to bed till late probably.

In my family, the day starts with the opening of presents. Then we have breakfast. Then we lounge, play with toys, etc. My little brother (he's almost 12) got a xbox, and I bought him the Simpson's Roadrage game.. good game. Been playing it quite a bit. Santa was nice and got him the xbox package with Tony Hawk 2x and some other games and an extra controller.. nice package.. and I think my other brother, his friend, and I have gotten more use out of it. My little brother also got a telescope (given by my other brother).. which I played with until I got a headache.

It sort of sucks to be too old for the fun toys, but then again, if they were mine I probably would ignore them more and I really wouldn't be playing with it all that much. The telescope would be cool to have if I had something to look out at from my apartment.. unfortunately my apartment is like 4 feet below ground level and people usually close their blinds across the way anyway...

So right now it is 3:30pm.. I'm yawning. Soon tho, we have family friends coming over who will share xmas dinner with us. That's always fun cuz that is when the beer starts to flow. My brother gave me a frosted simpson's beer mug. Interesting simpson's theme.. unplanned and random. But who doesnt like the simpsons. My brother also gave me a drinking game book, which I am going to share part of online I think, because some look pretty neat.

Unfortunately I have a bit of a dilema.. I am exhausted.. totally and utterly exhausted. The other problem is I have a tonne of work to do. And fixing exhaustion doesnt mean sleep for 12 hours straight. It means sleep a good 9 hours a night for several nights. I think I'll hold off on the sleep for a bit and get the much needed work done.

I'm going to california next week.. gonna visit Preacherman and tour the west coast. Will be in vegas on the 8th for several days too. Hopefully I can figure out a way to rest up while I'm out there. We'll see I guess. This trip is my xmas gift from the parents. Would be a cooler surprise gift, but its a hard thing to make a surprise. Ah well, it doesnt matter.. I really want to go.

So, my blabbing is pointless. I guess I'm feeling a bit bored.. don't really have a tv to watch or anything. I guess I'm going to go find some socks to wear cuz it is FUCKING FREEZING.

Since I cant sleep, I might as well add more.

Like.. another problem is that people get their hopes up. Both on what they want and what they think other people want or will happen if you do something, etc.. people spend a fucking month generating their mental guess of what this year's christmas will be like. You know you're guilty of this.. how many times have you had a 'deep moment' on christmas day where you felt empty or upset or disappointed. Like, this doesn't apply only to those who celebrate christmas. There are tonnes of folks who feel left out being in other religious.. its a human reaction to the whole thing.. especially such a commercial one. This really only applies to the first world tho.. folks with the commercial advertising and tv specials.

I have never truely enjoyed receiving gifts. I have felt touched by some gifts, but that doesnt make me enjoy receiving them more.. its still awkward to me. Even when I was a kid, and I really really really really wanted something for Christmas (know what I'm saying? like that certain remote control car or something.).. if I did get it (usually I really really wanted things that were not exactly affordable), I still felt weird.

I have really stopped desiring a lot of things tho, simply because I had them already. I miss the days of actually having money flow in faster than new crap to buy comes out. But, even now, new crap really is not coming out at all.. not that I want anyway. I don't think I'd get a xbox/gamecube or half the stuff on the top buy lists.

Ya know.. in all my christmas', I don't think I was ever in a bad mood. I know I was real sick for one or two of 'em. Bad mood being angry. I do remember crying the first christmas in the US. The Atari my brother and I got that year did help that a lot, but still.

Just as an aside.. I remember my dad brought home a video camera from work a few times, and the family taped some stuff to send back to africa to show the relatives. But now that I think about it, when it was mailed (it was), I don't think anyone was ever able to play it due ot the NTSC/PAL thing..

Anyway.. I'm tired now and probably am making little sense.. gnite.

Gimme a break. Don't let Christmas get to you like that. You are WEAK!

There are a lot of aspects of Christmas I love, and also many I hate. Christmas is a time of hurt and a time of joy.. depends on how much you let it affect you.

Shopping is a bitch. The mall sucks. It sucks year round, but christmas is a little worse because its even more crowded. The frenzy can be contagious and quite draining.. and you wonder why you put yourself through the hell.

What makes you think you can escape the holiday by not celebrating it. Jehova's Witnesses don't have it any easier. It's probably worse.. think about how horrible it could be to be in retail as a jehova's witness.. you are being forced to support a holiday you really don't believe in (although, Jehova's Witnesses are retarded and have no fun.. pity them, I do).

I also think that money is a very very very lame excuse not to give gifts. In the past (and probably in the future) I have used that excuse. But when it comes down to it, it really isn't a valid reason. Having the money means you can take the easy way out and buy some cool gift for the person you care about, and also those that you don't like but feel some weird obligation to give to (like grandma).

Last year some of us took part in a grab bag. No one really put any effort into it, and few people took part in it.. and I recall a few gifts were not randomly assigned. It didn't work well.. and I don't think it would be a good idea to repeat. Secret santas don't work too well either.

This year I will be giving gifts to my immediate family as always (the kind you buy) and for my friends I have something else in mind.. it is also a gift I must purchase, but the value of the gift is not based at all on what it physically is.

Giving gifts to folks you don't want to give to is a whole different thing. I probably won't be giving gifts to a good number of folks I know.. and I do feel bad.. already even, and it's not like I've really put thought into this or have a list made or anything fucked up like that. I'm not exactly organised like that.

Calliander compared the Christmas holiday to Thanksgiving.. another family holiday. In my family, Thanksgiving isn't really a family holiday.. I don't know what it is really.. its turkey day. My family has been celebrating Thanksgiving for not much more than 10 years.. and it really don't involve family beyond the immediate family unit. So, as you could imagine, that doesn't make Thanksgiving that important. Christmas is something that would involve visiting other relatives if they were within a reasonable distance (meaning a flight under 6 hours), although there has been the occasional 20 hour flight to celebrate with relatives.

This leads to Christmas being a sad time. It is the time my family realizes the distance between relatives. My mother's side of the family is so so many thousands of miles away (8000 miles if you fly absolutely direct.. so add on another thousand or more depending on the season), and my dad's side is closer, but still over 3500 miles. Then there is the family even farther away, those that have died. Christmas is hardest on my mom, who has no living parents and two siblings left.

Anyway, I am up too late, yet again.. the hectic final week awaits. And it looks so so so so so so so so cold out. Several inches of snow. I gotta go get some shit out of my car soon, which I don't want to do, but I have to get it before it explodes. Bah. Fucking 22 degrees F out according to the weather.

Well, I'm back from Thanksgiving break.. actually came back yesterday. I like eating Turkey. At my house we had a ham as well.. from what I gather, that's odd. But I like having multiple types of meat on the table. I think it's a must at a BBQ. Steak and chicken kebabs and hot dogs and lamb kebabs and more steak and some ribs too. Yea. I miss summer time.

I don't feel 'at home' when I am at my parents home. It's not them or anything, and I don't feel annoyed or anything.. I just don't feel at home. I don't really know why. For some reason, not necessarily related, I tend to not masturbate at all while I'm here too.

The Nintendo Game Cube is pretty neat.. I think its better than a playstation 2. I have not seen the xbox yet. The PS2 has been around a while, and is still expensive, and not all that impressive to me. The nintendo has real nice graphics. Could be the games I've seen that give me that impression.

I am so behind on work. School work and work work. I gotta play catchup, and I really don't feel like working that hard right now. The insult design is on its way, the date of the update install is targetted at December 15, 2001.

Soo.. yea. I guess I am going to head to bed now. Before I do, I just wanna make one more comment:

I get The Hot Network.. its a PPV porn channel I get magically for no cost to me. Anyway, sometimes I turn it on and watch a bit. During the day its always softcore shit you'd see on the playboy channel. But later at night (not sure exactly when) it goes into hardcore porn. Now, they don't do anything all that wild on it, and every time I've seen it, the men wear condoms even. The thing I find sort of odd is how much face they show. See, they show penetration a fair bit, but they show more of the facial expression than what I've seen in other movies. Like, these are tight shots of the man or woman's face. So, the tv just shows the contorted face half the time.. every other film I've seen has not been like that. I find it quite odd really. I don't get any enjoyment out of a close up of the dude's face as he's grunting or whatever. I wonder if there is a law that says these channels can't show lots of penetration.

I don't like it when I'm invited to go some place, thinking I'll have a normal evening and then everyone else but me shows up high. Have you ever been around a bunch of drunks when you weren't drinking? Maybe it's funny in the beginning, but then it gets old. I mean, I can deal with it if I know that's what's going to happen, but if it's a surprise, yes, it makes me mad. Like I said, it's like being with people that are drunk when you expected to just spend a nice normal night with them. Sometimes, I'll deal with it, but sometimes I'd rather just stay home and wait til they sober up and see them tomorrow. That's why I would just like to know. Maybe I'm a bitch, I don't care.

Anyway, I went to see Monsters, Inc. last night with Wilson. Pappy was supposed to go, but he's ridiculous and won't ride in my car and he never ended up showing up. Oh well. It was a good movie. I really liked it a lot. I think I liked it better than Shrek. There was a short little thing before the movie started and it was pretty cute. I'm a fan of Pixar movies. What else have they done? Toy Story 1 and 2, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc. Am I forgetting anything? Those were all great movies.

I probably seemed mad when I went to pick up Wilson. Maybe I was. Maybe I wanted to go to the 9:00 show like I had been planning all night. Maybe I didn't like the prospect of hanging out with a bunch of high kids who can't take anything seriously when all I'd be able to think about is all the crap that I have to get done. Maybe I think it's ridiculous and quite insulting that Pappy won't ride with me, that he'd rather take his own car. Sorry if I put a damper on your mood though.

Here's a funny thing about stupid people. We are them too. I'm sure that some video store guy, or some librarian, or some gas station attendant, or someone has a story about a stupid person and it's about you. We've all done stupid things, and I'm sure we've all done thing stupid enough for other people to remember and make a story out of it. Hopefully, there aren't too many stories about any one of us out there.

I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I need a break from this place, from this work, from this food. I need to see my family again, get a home cooked feast, it'll be great. I think it's pretty shitty that our lovely institute of higher learning sees no need to give us Wednesday off. Thanksgiving break starts at 6:00 pm on Wednesday, meaning if you do have classes unless your professor is sane, realizes no one is going to come anyway, and cancels them. Bah, I'm not looking forward to going to classes on Wednesday, but I am oh so looking forward to going home.

I'm also really looking forward to Christmas this year. I have a few things in mind for Wilson's gift and I really think he's going to like them. I can't wait for that warm and fuzzy feeling give someone a gift that they really wanted and that they really like and you can see the excitement all over their face. Know what I mean? I just wish I had the money to buy all the things that I am going to buy anyway. I hate being in so much debt like this -- especially since there is no reason for it. I mean, I don't have school loans or anything like that. I have thousand of dollars in credit card debt and nothing to show for it. Oh well, that's life. It will all work out I'm sure.

Happy Thanksgiving all.

1212 Out.